Feel so stuck like everyone around me their lives are falling together and mine falling apart I’m in the dark and everyone is in the light moving and I’m staying still and alone in the dark when people say things get better do they really ? That’s one thing I fear now after after my 2nd attempt what happens if I stick around and they don’t get better
Tag:
stuck
My cuts say just how much I despise myself. I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. I see a monster. A fragment and shadow of a person I used to be. Was I ever alive? I definitely don’t feel alive. I constantly need something to remind me that I’m alive.
I don’t know why my heart is still beating. It should have stopped a long time ago. I just keep postponing the inevitable. I will die anyway. We all will. So, why don’t I just end it now? I want it to end now. End it now before it gets broken and hurt […]
I’m in college, and I can’t concentrate. I need to get away. I need to go home. I need to listen the Angels. They said I’ll get sent a message, but I’m going to miss it. I can’t leave, I won’t be able to. Even if I left, there’s no way to get home. It’s a two hour walk, and I can’t risk it anyway. The Others will get me. They all know the medication didn’t kill me, and the Angels said they’re angrier. I’m stuck in this building. I can’t leave until 5. I’m going to miss the message, and I’m going to get […]
Looking back on my posts from six months ago to recent, I can’t fathom how I was able to make it through my life. I am extremely glad I did though, because now I am less fearful than before. I went out into the world and face a bunch of my fears, did a bunch of things that made me uncomfortable, and now I feel like there isn’t much I can’t handle. I didn’t understand that before: that all you have to do is handle life. Take a deep breath, do your best and know that even if we don’t get that job, there’s always […]
And I’m on the way to the local bar again, where I’ll spend countless hours drinking and socializing with people I’ll never see again. I’m stuck in my head again. I can’t free myself again. I drank myself stupid last night and somehow managed to drive myself home again. I sit here lonely wondering if anything will ever change again. I’ll force myself to eat because I’ve lost so much weight again. I’ll sit in my car and smoke weed just to be able to sleep again.
Again.. again.. again..
Because I’m disabled and my allowance is very small, I have been on Medicaid. This has made my prescriptions affordable, and I’ve been very grateful for the help.
But something happened yesterday; when I got the notification that my prescription was ready to pick up, it gave a cost which was WAY too expensive.
It’s as if they cancelled my Medicaid for some reason. This is a giant problem, since I can’t afford any of my medication without it.
I only have four pills left, and then will have to abruptly stop everything.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, my right leg brace broke tonight, and I can’t afford […]
Things have changed ever so slightly. As I feel myself pulling back from all the friends that have supported me throughout high school, and losing touch even more with my true best friend, who lives long distance, things are getting better. I met a girl this year who has really changed me for the better, and is a true friend I can rely on and makes me happy for once and allows me to have fun. I just dont ever think I can get to that deep emotional level where I can share about my depression and anxiety with her. Its hard, and eats away […]
Why? Why is everything so fucking hard? I thought I was getting better. I thought my feelings and emotions were returning. I thought I was finally feeling human again.
But I’m not.
I don’t feel alive. I’m stuck in the middle. Between life and death. I was trying to choose life, but it’s not working. I can’t choose death. Not yet.
I want to die, but I can’t. I try to live, but it’s hard. Life never brings anything for me. Death is well within reach, but I can’t end it.
I hate being STUCK. I hate being TRAPPED.
When is the pain going to end?
I don’t want to cut […]
Some will say nothing, some will say heaven/hell, reincarnation.
What would happen if you die by suicide?
A man told me once, that if it isn’t your time, and you are rejected from heaven, but your body is unable to have your soul back (exsanguinated or something), you will stuck between the membrane of the earth and heaven.
I don’t believe in heaven.
What do you believe?
It’s 5am , don’t want to sleep. My life is a jungle I shouldn’t have traversed and I’m stuck in the quicksand of my own errors. Things will not change for me. I will eventually be swallowed and surrounded by warm shadows. I want nothing, I want to be nothing. There’s almost nothing left of me. I switch from being numb to being in pain until once again I feel nothing, a maelstrom that I will never escape. Maybe it’s time I got off this ride.
There may be no doors for this Dungeon, but there’s still a way out.
I am literally at my wits end. I can’t do it anymore. Why even live if you can’t even live your life? Literally stuck and not having a say. My dad has Alzheimer’s and he has to have care 24/7 and since I just got done with my classes and moved home (until I do my internship) I have to stay with him while my mom goes to work. She’s always like well you can watch him until I come home and then you can go to work. I would be fine with that but since I have been watching him for the past 4 […]
I can’t just run away from my problems. I want to.. I was looking for an easy out.. A friend’s, a relative’s, maybe even trying to leave on my own and try to make it. But I can’t, I have to do this.. life, the hard way. I have to struggle, I have to fight, but I’m so tired, exhausted. I want to quit, I want more than anything to just leave everything behind, get to things and just go. But I can’t. I’m not stuck, I could do those things and run.. But I can’t. I have to work, claw, crawl, probably cry along […]
Man, how does it get like this? To the point where every time you think you’ve got the solution to better your situation, invest all the energy and time you feel you’ve got left into it, only to find it’s drug you further down and more stuck than you were before? Leaving you that much more used up and exhausted, immobile, paralyzed to make another move, fearing like before, the likelihood it’ll just sink you further down..
You feel like it’s a sick curse, like your life has already been written, unwittingly playing the unfortunate role of some tragedy stricken fictional character, only it’s not fiction. […]
Life right now has officially hit a boiling point that’s too hot; I’m melting away. My focus throughout the days now are shot, I’m more robotic in movement and speech than ever before. Just today at work I couldn’t talk to anyone, it just felt too heavy on my throat to speak (I’m more introverted). Then what would I gain talking about insignificant topics like, “So and so’s wedding went wrong,” or, “Real Housewives…” Sorry, I’m being bias but that stuff doesn’t interest me.
And then just today I fucked up on the biggest thing: I have no idea where I want to live anymore. […]
From everything I’ve known; my job, family, and the only life I’ve ever known. I feel so stuck, no purpose or motivation to do anything anymore, and I’m seriously contemplating leaving the States for Canada even though there’s nothing for me there (job, home, or friends). I’d be a stranger in a strange land, but even that sounds more appealing then what I’m facing right now. I just want to getaway even if I’m running away from my problems; does anyone else ever feel this way?
All I want is some peace of mind. And I can’t even do it. Im scared of killing myself. Id probably mess it up if i did try! Life hurts every waking moment. Im stuck, I’m forever hurting, crying, dying to live!
For the longest time guys have been drawn to me, mostly ones older than me (5+ years older). I’m not meaning to make this sound like I’m stuck up or the most wanted girl, because I’m nowhere close to any of those things. But ever since my rape and molestation (starting when I was 3-4)I have noticed this almost target-like thing about me or that other guys see that draw them to me. I’ve had multiple older guys try touching me when I haven’t even led them on, so, is it bad luck? is this in my head? Or is there something that may be […]
I watch everyone’s days go on around me. I feel like in stuck in time. Depression has slowed me.
I feel even when I sleep for hours, I do not feel rejuvenated. I don’t feel good.
Even when I have the least bit of confidence, it soon diminishes after a few seconds.
I feel content for moments at a time. Yesterday I felt the warm sun . I was happy. But that feeling soon disappeared.
I think it’s hard to get better. Nothing seems to have a point. I don’t feel like there’s any reason to be alive. I don’t think my life has meaning at all.
I wish […]
Why?
Why the fuck is it so hard for me to tell them I’m suffering?
One moment Im crying alone in my room, then the next, I’m smiling like my usual fake self when someone comes in. I have become so good at faking that I can’t show what I really feel. I want to take off this mask. It’s really heavy now, but it’s stuck. It won’t come off.
Why can’t I take it off?
Please… I’m suffering…
I know they are not mind readers. I need to speak up. But how can one talk to a person about what is going on when […]
I’m 28 years old now but I’m still that timid and shy little kid I was since I can remember and I fucking hate it.
I’ve tried cognitive therapy, SSRIs and even self-improvement clubs and courses like Toastmasters, but to no avail. I just seize up and go blank when I’m supposed to talk to people, and don’t even get me started on trying to talk to women. I’m such a fucking loser.
It probably goes back to my strict upbringing where anxiety and fear were some of my earliest feelings. I’m just broken. When anyone engages me I shut down, shut off. This must […]