i dont know when they started. i guess i’ve always thought about death, even as a little kid. I’ve just always seen something and thought “that could kill me. i’d be dead/gone” it used to scare me so much but now i’m used to it. now i listen to it. i’ve already made one attempt and obviously failed. just planning and thinking about it calms all my anxiety. i’ve lost my train of thought for now….sorry for wasting your time
Tag:
Suicidal Thoughts
~Broken~
When will you learn?
That I am not always going to be there
For you to vent you’re anger on,
That I am not a toy to you,
And you will push me to the brink
I will hurt, over and over,
Cutting deeper and deeper
Until everything in me is ruined,
Until I have hurt so much it isn’t possible to hurt any more.
When will you try?
To help me
To stop hurting me
To make me feel like I was supposed to be born
To help me not be afraid
Of you,
Of trusting you,
Of loving you,
’cause I can’t survive the destroying of my heart
I won’t always be able to pick up the pieces,
To mold them […]
Is life even worth living anymore?
I have been trying, struggling against suicidal thoughts. I have been getting help, but it is still not working. I am scared, scared that I won’t live to become a teenager (I am not yet in my teens). I cry and cry and try to tell my friends, but I’m scared of their reactions. I hate myself because I am not strong enough, they are so strong, no matter what happens, they don’t think of suicide. But me? I can’t stop thinking of it. I am scared and hurt and I need help but I am too afraid to […]
.I feel so depressed, I feel like i’m becoming emotionally and physically weaker! I just feel so dull and sick that I don’t even want to wake up in the mornings and feel like i have no hope :'( No one accepts me the way i am and I have become a bit boring since my depression. Idk if its because of that or not though…=( Gahh sorry for being dramatic but i feel very bad nowadays I’ve been lonelier than ever before as my self-proclaimed “best friends” don’t even message me or call me or anything. I understand that I go to a different […]
Just got my own cocktail of pills.
Antidepressives, sleeping pills, stuff for memory.Â
Soon, there will be more (ADD concerning).
How did I get to this point?
I just hope this is will start making some effect, and I start feeling better. Although, funny enough, one of the side effects of the antidepressive right when you start taking it is intensification of suicidal thoughts or something like that. lol seriously? This is gonna be a funny ride.
I won’t be around for a week, I’m going away, but once I come back, I shall evaluate if this cocktail is doing what it should.
I hope everyone here has a better week […]
It seems that when I was I was honest with myself, I at least had the comfort of knowing that I could maybe fix the problem. I feel hopeless and feel like I still lie to myself. I’m in disastrous relationships. Plural. And I don’t have my family around to being me down to earth or make me feel like I’m not alone. I’ve ruined my relationship with my best friend from high school and I don’t really talk to anyone except my boyfriend anymore and maybe my parents from time to time. I encircle myself with “friends†I do not feel suit me anymore. […]
My life just took an 180º turn.. for worst.
So I had my appointment with the psychologist today. Needless to say that two minutes in and he was already giving me paper tissues. I was crying my heart out. I told him pretty much everything. Concentration problems, trouble sleeping, depression, lack of memories, suicidal thoughts (I explained I wouldn’t do it because of my mom tho). And according to him, I should had seeked help a long time ago, as now I am so deep into depression.
Result from appointment: Tomorrow I have another appointment with the psychiatrist so I can start right away taking antidepressives and […]
my depression started when i was nine i figured out what had happend to me i was sexually assulted by parents i was put in foster care adopted into a family that is the reason of my pain and cutting and suicidal thoughts and many attempts they hate me they hate the way i dress my music everything about me they basically call me an attention seeking whore and when i cut i feel nothing and death hasnt taken my soul yet simply because i do not have one worth taking i feel like im drowning but not dying this is slow and painful life […]
Honestly I don’t know where to start… Recently I’ve realized I’m depressed. I just feel so empty inside. Like I’m moving through the motions day by day. My family doesn’t or can’t understand what I’m going through. They’re all wrapped up in their own problems, and I’m not willing to become a nuisance to them. It feels like years since I’ve been thinking about dying. Just jumping off my roof one day, or drowning myself. But until recently it didn’t dawn on me that I wanted to commit suicide. I have lots of people in my life that love me, and would hate it if […]
So, I have this doctor’s appointment tomorrow.
I’ll try to explain this briefly:
Initially I made this appointment to try and get adderall/ritalin to be able to focus while studying – cus my concentration is zero, for a long time now.
Then, I realized I need to bring up my sleeping problems, cus it’s getting really bad, I can’t sleep, even with sleeping pills, and as last week I was sleeping 16hours, this week I’m sleeping about 4hours. It’s getting weird.
Now, I’m wondering if I should mention the depression (obviously I won’t talk about the suicidal thoughts). I was doing some research and adderall/ritalin apparently is sometimes used […]
Stumbled across this site as I was feeling down about Valentine’s Day yesterday. I hate the day. I’m a bit of a nerd and geek and still single. All my life I seemed to make stupid mistakes and never seemed good enough.
I’ve gone as far as tie ropes around my neck, write suicide notes, and pack my stuff to make it easier for those left behind to clean my mess.
I still struggle with suicidal thoughts but not as bad as when I was younger. I’m 45yo now.
What has helped me is to focus on others. Volunteering at church, making friends […]
Hey everyone. I just wanted to let you all know that I truly care about each and everyone of you. You are all unique and good hearted individuals and I’m so sorry that you’re suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts. But please, keep fighting and don’t give up hope that things can improve in the future.
All my hope is gone… The little bit hope I had is gone. I really don’t think my life is ever going to be better. I’m fighting for more than 12 years now to get a better life where I can be real happy with, not fake happy. But in those 12 years, my life only got worse and worse… People say that when life is really terrible, it only could go better. Well, NO, it only can get worser!! (At least in my life) I wish I wasn’t on this earth anymore. I just want to die…. But I’m under controle right now. I […]
I was never a religious person nor am I now but I often think that I am stuck in hell. “Hell on earth” , hell of depression , loss , memories , feeling like I am speaking in a foreign language because people may hear me but they DON’T understand me so I resort to silence then there is the heartbreak , the feeling like your heart is literally being broken into two and the thoughts come and they are anything but organised.. I am left angry and exhausted. I think , this is what he must of felt like and I had no idea. […]
be straight up I suppose…. My names Serena , I’m in 7th grade at Bemidji Middle School , I have a smile on my face most of the time(= , but everybody knows im ‘depressed’ , because …. I cut myself , a lot… my legs , my arms , my wrists , my stomach…. It make’s me feel better. I don’t know what else to do! , I ALWAYS get called a ; HOE , WHORE , **** , ***** , FAT , UGLY , WORTHLESS , ATTENTION WHORE , DUMB , BOYFRIEND STEALER , etc.. It sucks , a lot , I don’t […]
I have been talking to a few close friends about this but not yet written it down, this site is a great idea, ive just joined and im looking forward to reading more-its somewhat refreshing to not only know others out there are feeling like ending their life but that interaction is also possible- which is important.
Im a mature student in my finial year of uni, i dont really drink or do drugs anymore, its taken me 8 years to get to this point as my teeneage years and general social circles are all based on booze.drinking was making me miserable, so i stopped or […]
Today I was seconds away from ending my life. What changed my mind I still do not know.
After 10 years of SEVERE deppresion I am tired, I am tired of it all. I am exhausted.
I tried fighting back for year after year. Medications and therapy(many different therapists) for 10 years and I have not moved a single step forward. Not one step..
2 years ago I gave up. After 8 years of trying I was tired of fighting and in the end i realised I am never going to feel joy again. Â I gave up hope.
I have always had suicidal thoughts for as long as I […]
Well I’m not sure where to start with this post . . .
I feel rather blank for a while. I’m hardly doing any of my school work and have been failing for a while, that’s probably the worst. I’m a bit uncertain of my social situation you see I really only have two friends who I still hang out with sort of often, but for a while now their interest in video games have dissipated, something im still very into. I still have fun with them but as they get more social and, despite their encouragement, really have lost interest in hanging out with them. […]
   As I’ve spoken about in previous posts, I’ve had depression, anxiety and paranoid delusions for most of my life and it’s not easy to live with, especially the depression.
    For me, at 11 years old it began with a deep sadness that just never seemed to lift. It spiralled pretty quickly and I began to spend an awful lot of time alone in my bedroom. I felt as though I was the loneliest person in the world because nobody could really relate to what I was feeling. The thing that got to me most was that some people would say things like, “you’re […]
Okay, so I was on Yahoo! answers or whatever thats called, and this girl’s question was “How can I become an Insomniac?”
What. The. Hell. Is. the. matter. with. you?
She said she wanted to be an insomniac because she doesnt like sleep and she never sleeps.
Okay, you moron, Ima tell you what I know about sleep and insomnia: (some are personal experiences)
1.Sleep deprivation cam KILL you.
2. Insomnia is HORRIBLE.
3. you are a moron
4. People with insomnia are tired as hell, but can’t fall asleep
5. without sleep, you can begin to halucinate and have suicidal thoughts.
6. a lot of other boring facts that no one cares about.
BOTTOM […]