I have lost multiple people in my life. Many, many people. It hurts, I thought they would live forever, they would never leave me, but no they didn’t, people never do. It’s all my fault, all mine, they left this world, and I probably caused it… I was young, so little, my adoptive mother/great great grandmother loved me, hated me, protected me,exposed me, hid me, hurt me, but she kept me alive, she died when I was around seven. All I remember is her in the hospital bed with pictures of us taped to the many wires which were connected to her. She died, with […]
Hello 🙂 I am going to start now…
I have attempted suicide before, but all times my plans have fallen through. I have tried suffocation through bag twice, tried hanging myself once, tried swallowing a ton of pills once, and that’s it. I cut. I despise blood and looking at other peoples injuries makes me want to faint, but for some reason it’s different with my blood. I laugh when I cut and I shake so much. It calms me, makes me happy for a short while. I wish I could be left alone though, my parents are the kind of parents who despise any problems […]
I tried to drown myself today.
Mom started knocking on the door 40 sec (i counted. Creepy. I know) after i put my head under water. I wish i could feel bad about it. Or get scared. Or some other shit. But no. I liked it. I really do want to die. Life is not for everybody i guess
I’ve wanted my life to end before. I’ve thought of ways I can do it that would have the least amount of impact on the people around me. My family would get over it. Relationships are hard for me so I don’t have any really close friends to worry about. I’ve tried counseling and I’ve taken medication. I’ve reached out to people when I’ve needed help. But you can only reach out to people so many times before you start bringing them down. That’s when they leave you. I’ve worked SO hard to hide this side of me from my boyfriend of two years. There […]
Human’s Imagination / Humans’ Imagination / Humans Imagination is better than Reality
Movie / movies is better than reality / real life / real world
Video game / games is better than reality / real world / real life
Novel /novels is better than reality / real-life / real-world /
Sci-fi / Science-fiction is better than reality / reallife / realworld
Fantasy is better than reality / real world / real life
Anime / manga is better than reality / realworld / reallife
Dream / dreams is better than reality / real-world / real-life
I hate reality !!!!
Reality it’s all about MONEY !!!!!!
Reality is BORING […]
Hi
I’m new here. But that’s not important.
I don’t know where to start so…
Yeah
My whole life is fucked up
I was 6 when i tried to kill myself for the first time. Why?
Cause my abusive father was accused of murdering my brother
And they were interrogating me and my siblings.
Cause my father wasted all the money that were supposed to go for his coffin just to get drunk
Cause i was bullied
Cause i was sexually abused
Cause i had to act like my brother when i was with my mom to keep her sane.
It wasn’t the last time that i tried to off myself
Why?
2006-2016
I was sexually abused 5 […]
The minutes are torturess. It’s as if someone is screaming inside of me. My life has become unbearable.
But suddenly now I’m at peace, with the concept of death. I’ve reached the point where I’m okay with how I feel. I accept it. I accept that my life may end with an impulsive slit to the throat. I accept that I may go on for a lifetime feeling this pain and enternal hurt.
I accept these things, but it doesn’t mean I’m no longer aching inside. Because I am. I still have this dull heavy pain in my chest but I’m no longer fighting it. […]
haven’t been feeling like i need food or sleep. hallucinating a little, not really all visual but smelling random things and occasionally stopping what i’m doing to listen … i either cant get out of bed or i’m pacing the house and organizing things. its funny how they can tell what state my mind is in based on my hair, its sticking up everywhere and I wear the same clothes(I usually lose track of my days and end up getting too comfortable in them).
i feel so lonely. and pointless.
i realized i don’t need to make enough money for a coffin/service, i don’t need a funeral. i […]
This is my first post. Honestly, never in my life did I think I’d be on a website like this but here I am. Not that there’s anything wrong with sites like this, I’m just usually too shy to do anything like this.
But I guess this is my story?
Since elementary school, I’d been struggling with self-esteem, self-confidence, depressive feelings, anorexic tendencies, and suicidal thoughts.
As time went by, it all only got worse and worse. And now, here I am, in high school and wondering which way I should kill myself. I recently moved in with my dad after more than ten years of not living […]
Hi,
I have had misophonia for over 30 years and psoriasis for nearly as long despite being prescribed immunosuppressants. As a result of arguments with a family member I have attempted to commit suicide twice by overdosing prescription drugs (beta-blockers and sleeping pills which shall remain nameless). On the second attempt late last year I was found by a doctor and taken to hospital where I narrowly avoided being sent to psychiatric hospital. Waking up in a hospital in a Fentanyl induced daze is a peculiar experience, especially being read the riot act for trying to take out my cannula.
As my misophonia and psoriasis are incurable […]
No, the pain of not getting to go out when you wanted to is not as bad as the pain of losing someone you love. No, you don’t have the right to act as if these small things you call “first world problems” are as bad as it gets. There is a fine line between inconvenience and pain. Between a small glitch in a normal to semi good day and having to refrain from the extreme urge to kill yourself. I’m so young, but I could swear I’ve felt the slits of the blood sea’s razor and have checked into hell too many times to […]
No one will probably read this but I’d like to pretend they will because I can’t tell anyone I know.
I’m almost 17 years old and I’ve had general anxiety since the day I was born, and severe clinical depression since I was 7. In the last two years, my life has hit 20,000 leagues under the sea. My depression has gotten worse and worse and I’ve tried so many different medications and none work, which doesn’t help ease the ache of what’s been happening. December 17, 2013 I started dating one of my best friends, and I was head over heels in love. I was […]
Well, I almost did it. I was crossing the line before the part of me that hates me stopped me. I deleted my previous posts about my intent for suicide because I felt that they were stupid, childish, poorly written and whatever else negative the other me wanted to come up with.
Anyway, I’ve been depressed for going on 5 years now. Long story not-so-short: my parents have had a volatile, explosive, violent marriage full of mistrust, lies, paranoia. My dad is a HUGE guy. Not in the fat sense, in the could crush a train between his fingers sense. So when things got physical between […]
Hello there. I’ve been around this site for a few months now. I see people are quite nice around here, so i guess i’ll be telling a few tales regarding how i got to the point i am at now. Perhaps what i say will fall in non-deaf ears for once.
I’m still here. 5 months later from the last time I was severely depressed, and I’m still here. It could be the seasons changing… or it could be something worse, but here I am again… Back to typing away to relieve whatever it is that’s bothering inside of me. My not so secretive journal.
Am I seeking attention for doing this? Maybe. But in the condition I am now, that’s all I’m longing for. I feel so alone.
In reference to Melanie Martinez’s song ‘Dollhouse’, I feel everyone imagines my family as flawless but behind the curtains, we’re flawed in every little way. My mind goes into […]
It is difficult for people to understand the mind and behavior of those affected by true
Bipolar Depression Disorder. Identifying, accepting and treating it in a child, that must
be extremely challenging.
If life isn’t worth living, it definitely isn’t worth dying for either.
With all due respect, if you believe there is no point in living, make it your goal to finding
that purpose. That may be what you need to pull you through long enough to prove you
wrong… or prove you right. But at least you will have tried harder than most.
YOU’RE NOT A FAILURE FOR NEEDING HELP OR FEELING HOW YOU FEEL.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYoaQtJ-d_M
I have never found a place to belong.
This burden of existential nihilism.
The disconnectedness from others.
From the consensual reality.
Has created a sense of extreme isolation.
One that is gnawing at the seams of my humanity.
God abandoned me the day I became an object to man.
I was raised as a child to Lucifer.
My battle was over long before it had ever begun.
I no longer wish to walk this earth.
Alone, isolated and misunderstood.
On outcast of mainstream ideals.
I seek my final solace in the enigma of the afterlife.
I have no more purpose.
As my demons have eaten me […]
Some people don’t believe in mental illness or think that it’s not a big deal. Those of us who struggle with them understand how untrue this is. Until you’ve gone through an illness with no cure, you can’t possibly understand how taxing it is. Some people take offense to this argument, but they are the lucky ones. Every person has their weights to bear, but some weights have a time limit. Mental illness does not.
Until my first hospitalization in a mental ward, I didn’t realize how real mental illness is. I thought I cut myself and starved myself because I was lonely. Now I look […]
I don’t feel “right”, and I haven’t felt “right” in a very long time.
I feel an uncomfortable emptiness, and as if life is continuing on in an unpleasant repetition, and I’m growing tired of it.
I am sixteen years old, and I have obtained my GED. I am going to begin college early next year, and I feel like I’m not ready, at least, with tolerating my anxiety. I have terrible anxiety, and I have panic attacks if I’m within a supermarket or similar public setting for too long. I’ve been in the college before, being I had to apply for it, and I began sweating […]