Since I will be leaving this World real soon my only wondering at this point is the afterlife
What is it?
I wish I was special.
I wish so many things.
But I’m a creep .
I’m a weirdo.
I do whatever makes me happy.
though it doesn’t last long.
What am I waiting for?
I should just be done with it and end it all right?
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.
She ran.
So far away.
You’re so special.
You’re just like an angel.
I want you.
To notice.
I want a perfect soul.
I want a perfect body.
I wish I was special.
You’re so fucking special.
I don’t care if it hurts.
I don’t belong here. . .
I think I want to die but not because of sadness. I want to die because I can not live with myself. I […]
Life was starting to be fine for me after a while. Then I meet you and feel in love. Life was really looking up.
Then we started having problems. Found out you were a paid escort. Slept with thousands of guys. Found out you had been in the mental ward. Had autism along with some other fine side effects such as depression, bi polar and other things.
I tried to work past all of that even knowing you had been married 5 times before. Sorry to say I did not leave and stay gone when I should have.
No I […]
The demons are getting to me. They are all inside my head now and my body is getting drained more and more each day. The suicide fantasies and the warm feelings of ending my life are starting to flare up again. Medication is not working anymore either. I think I’m gonna have to go sometime soon. I have fought for long, but they are winning.
I don’t know what to do.
It’s all I ever think about .
It’s taken over my mind . And joy I have.
I am failing in everything that I do now.
People say I’m lazy , but I just don’t care .
The only think I look forward to is going back to sleep. I hate all the obligations that make me get up in the morning .
I feel like I’m going to go insane . I broke down yesterday but I feel it coming on today again .
I don’t know what to do anymore . I don’t have hope .
In so embarrassed for feeling this way . […]
Yesterday I went to a party with some close friends. The party ended up being at an apartment complex on the sixth floor. The night went on and things were fun for a while, but then it was like something inside me snapped, or changed. I couldn’t breathe, I felt warm, and I got blotchy and flushed. I went outside onto the balcony. Once I closed the sliding door, I felt so alone. I’m scared of heights, but for some reason I went and leaned over on the railing. Instead of panicking like I usually do when so high up, I stayed and looked down. […]
I know that what I’m feeling isn’t normal anymore. I look around and all I see are happy face in such an unfamiliar town. I desperately want to go home, but I don’t want to disappoint my parents just because I felt unhappy. I hear laughter,gossip, and everyone going out and having a great time. Everyone says college is suppose to be exciting, fun, full of endless friendships and adventure. So far all it’s been for me is crying, sadness, and an overwhelming feeling to be home.
I’ve caved into my depression when I’m here at school, I welcome it like the only friend I have. […]
The date is January 19th, 2016. I scroll through my email folders looking for old emails to delete and I come across a strange message saved in the bottom of a website folder.
[the suicide project]
Memories flooded back to me instantly. I log on and see that I’m an enigma. Just one draft from November 26th, 2013.
“Just don’t worry.”11/26/2013
I can’t help it. My brain is defective.
My name is Ashley. At the time of joining this website I was 18 years old and suffering through the worst depression that I had ever endured. The DEPO birth control shot was to blame, of course, but that just made […]
4 years of depression….. People tell me to get over it. Enjoy life. Enjoy time with my friends and family. Talk to god. Yeah. I’ll always do those things. But it’s never enough to say that “I’m better now” “I survived from this illness” “I’m okay now”. I’m sorry if I’m like this. I’m sorry if I can’t recover. Even myself can’t help me. I won’t ever be fixed, and I’m sorry for that. I think people are thinking that I’m weak because I’m not doing an effort to get better. And I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for being a coward. For being pathetic. […]
So I’m struggling with my bipolar currently. But I had an extremely severe allergic reaction (to the point where I nearly died confused, scared, and in pain) so I’m not looking at medication as an answer. But, currently I’ve been thinking about suicide. Just stepping outside in the below zero weather with no coat, and waiting. That may not be the best method, but it’s the one I’ve been fantasizing about.
I’m not sure if I should bring this up to my councilor though, since I am not actively seeking death. I just am fixated by it currently. I’ve been looking into the sea of trees. […]
As I’ve been facing depression, all people have been telling me was turn to your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. But what people don’t realize is that the only thing I’ve been praying for is for Him to take my life.
How can one asked to be saved from themselves?
My biggest enemy is the I see in the mirror. Every time I see myself, I always picture not being in that moment. Whenever I do something with a group of people or I go to class, I always picture myself not in that moment. I can picture myself out of this world and I’ve became very […]
I was deployed to Afghanistan in 2010 as a Lance Corporal in the U.S. Marines. L0ng story short I came back with PTSD and Depression. For me that meant nightmares, fear of public spaces, panic attacks, insomnia, hyper vigilance, anger and flashbacks along with everything that comes with depression. 2011 is when I started to get suicidal and went into the VA ( Veterans Affairs) the first time in September for a week and again in October for about a week. They didn’t fix anything they just gave me a nice cocktail of meds to keep in a zombie like state. Living like that sucks. […]
I’m new here, and I take a lot of courage to open an account and post this… When I was reading some of the stories written here , I no longer felt alone. Now I see I’m not the only one suffering for love, I’m not the only one who feels to die because of someone else…
Sorry if my English is not good, but, it’s not my native language. I hope everyone can understand me…
This is a little bit of my story .
It all started when i was 15, I met a wonderful guy. Maybe he wasn’t the most handsome, but he was the MOST […]
Let me start from the beginning. (I’m now revising this and this definitely did not go in the order I thought it would)
I don’t want to reveal my identity too much so i’ll play this safe and call myself Kai.
I’m seventeen years old, eighteen in March. I’m a transgender boy (born female) and i’m gay. My mom’s side of the family is one of the biggest group of unsupportive close minded people you will ever meet. Ever since I was young, I knew i felt different than my siblings and cousins. My family tries to look like your average apple pie and a […]
I’m here because I don’t know what to do now…
The easiest way to put his is to say that I am lost, tired and hopeless. Suicide has been on my mind for months now and the more I try to push it away the more it grows stronger.
When the depression started a year ago, I made myself promise that I would never ever, ever hurt myself.I love my parents, my family, my friends and the random people I meet that are full of life, kindness and appreciation. I also told myself that I am a fortunate human being. I was born in a poor country […]
I have a habit of rejecting the good and accepting the bad. I pushed away my girlfriend because I wanted drugs and she’s against them. I lied to her saying I was clean and how I’m never going back to that life, but honestly I am still living that life. All I look forward to is getting high. The other day she told me she still loves me and I was horrible to her. I told her to get over it that I’ll never love her back. I told her I was with my ex again, the girl who I cried about to her saying […]
Hello everyone. I’m new here. I’m almost 24 and my native language is not english, so excuse my poor english.
I have been dealing with anxiety and depression (i guess it appeared later) since the age of 15/16 i guess. It started after my dad said yes to a surgery to my kidney( i didn’t want to do it cause i knew it wouldn’t fix anything, it was’nt a matter of life or death, not anything closer to that, just to fix a congenital problem). But the only thing it brought to me was a psicosomatic disorder and later anxiety and depression.
I’m telling you […]
I’m hoping this is just something that will pass shortly but I think it’s going to be here for a while, I thought I might as well just type out how I’m feeling.
I’m sat in my house alone. My family have gone to their friend’s for a party leaving me here, I don’t blame them for the past couple months I’ve been the most depressing person to be around. I’m not seeing this getting any better anytime soon and honestly I don’t know what to do anymore. My friends are all dressed up and at a party I wasn’t invited to, so I’ve got no […]
Dear Dad,
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I’m not what you want me to be. I’m sorry I have an attitude. I’m sorry that I keep dissapointing you.
I’m sorry that you hate me. I’m sorry I’m not perfect. I just can’t do this anymore– knowing that all I could ever do
is dissapoint you. All I can do is make you hate me even more than the minute before. I don’t know what to do anymore.
All that makes sense is ending the pain, ending your struggle and stress. Ending the problems that I’ve caused. I’m not a good person. I don’t even like myself, I understand […]