Crying.Again.Having headaches.Again.Body pains.Again.And my thoughts are not happy.They’re not even normal.I’m thinking about my wasted life,I’m thinking about the sufferings of the world,I’m thinking of clipped wings,I’m thinking of a friend of mine who died in a car accident,I’m thinking of a girl that I loved and I didn’t have the courage to tell her that I loved her,I’m thinking of how I failed in everything I did.I took painkillers to ease the pain.It’s not working.I feel like somebody is putting a nail into my brain.I remembered something that I saw when I was 10-11 years old: there was a little girl with her father […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JEYnjKxf4A
Lyrics (English translation):
Chatterton committed suicide
Hannibal committed suicide
Demosthenes committed suicide
Nietzsche
Raving mad
As for me…
As for me
It’s not going much better
Chatterton committed suicide
Cleopatra committed suicide
Isocrates committed suicide
Goya
Raving mad
As for me…
As for me
It’s not going much better
Chatterton committed suicide
Marc Antony committed suicide
Van Gogh committed suicide
Schumann
Raving mad
As for me…
As for me
It’s not going much better
I went tonight to the memorial of SS Oria.(I’ll attach photos at the end of this post,just to get an idea how the location is like)The SS Oria was (I’m copy-pasting from wikipedia) ” a Norwegian steamboat that sank on 12 February 1944, causing the death of some 4,000 Italian prisoners of war. This was one of the worst maritime disasters ever, and probably the worst loss of life caused by the sinking of a single ship in the Mediterranean Sea.”
I’ve been to this location 4-5 times.I don’t know why I go there.Maybe the loss of so many lives for no reason, draws me there.Maybe because […]
Song by David Bowie.
Sometimes I think there’s never been
A highway so wide and mean
Leading to a room so cold and bare
Faded pictures on the wall
Stories of a past untold
Sunny beaches turn to ruthless tide
There’s a new motel in town
It’s called the end of broken dreams
There’s a new place in town
It’s called the end of broken dreams
Out of the blue my name is fear
And I’ll haunt you if I care
Out of this world my game is clear
And I’ll catch you if I dare
But there is no time for me to stay
Maybe it’s time to ride the ray
Maybe tomorrow never comes
Crawling lizards in the sun
Do we part like fallen leaves
Like […]
I woke up this morning,went to the kitchen and made a coffee.I sat in front of my pc and I started watching videos on youtube,smoking and trying to kill time.Most of the time I wasn’t paying any attention to these videos.I was thinking.Thinking about my life and the world.
I spent most of my life in this empty house (I’ve been living here since I left my parents’ house when I was 20 years old).Alone.I haven’t got any purpose or any goals to reach.I’ve saved some money,so I don’t have to work for now.But I know that I’ll have to find a job.Working is a nightmare.I […]
I liked literature,poetry, and history since I was a little boy.Even though I never went to a college or a university,I continued to read-that kept me going for a long time.I came across Karyotakis’ poetry when I was young-oddly enough,they taught us his poems at school-and I was immediately hooked.Karyotakis is one of the most famous and the most important Greek poets.He wrote about alienation,depression,melancholy,anxiety,pessimism,and death,amongst other things.He committed suicide in 1928.I found on the internet some of his poems translated into English and I would like to post some of them here.If you like poetry,I suggest you should look out for his work,especially if […]
I’ve been reading many posts made by teenagers and, I won’t lie to you, I feel so sad. They’re young and they still have a lot of time ahead of them.Being young is tough,parents can be a pain in the ass a lot of times and being a student can be sometimes unbearable.But still,they can pursuit their dreams,they can try for what they want and certainly they can achieve many things.
In 2016 I read about a 16 year old girl in my country who committed suicide.Her classmates have been bullying her,because she was overweight.Three months ago I read about a young boy in my hometown who […]
On the 29th of December.
I lost my virginity.
To my now ex boyfriend.
I didn’t say no.
But I most definitely didn’t say yes.
I was too scared.
He was emotionally manipulative and I knew that “no” wasn’t an answer to him.
So I kept my mouth shut.
I lay there.
And took it.
It only occurred to me today that it was wrong.
I’m a fucking idiot.
But now I can’t breath.
I want to rip my skin off.
Every part he touched now burns with repulsion and I can’t take it.
Fuck
Honestly, I just can’t understand nor fathom why Most / Majority of people can go watch movies, read cool, creative, imaginative books / novels / anime / comics, or play super imaginative & fantasy video games, and then later on they just go back to reality, as if nothing happens, and they’re ok with everything.
I hate to say this, but Most people simply just lack Imaginations. Even worse, Most people are boring. All people care in the everyday’s reality & their lives is just the most superficial, mundane, boring, & stupid things. Which is very depressing, especially when you feel like you’re just alone & […]
So let’s start from the beginning shall we? When I was just 2 years old my Mom broke up with my Dad and was cheating on him with my Step Dad (who I might add is an alcoholic). Ever since I was 5 I was mentally and physically abused whether it be by hitting me too hard to be classified as discipline or it be selling my own dog that I loved and cared for, while I was taking a nap. It only got worse from there. I never had any true friends. Only the ones that took advantage of me. But then I found […]
I know it’s kind of dumb thinking this way. Like, it’s not my fault my dad was not the brightest bulb in the box and I know this. But I hate him for doing this to me.
Maybe it’s me over-thinking things but, from my knowledge and knowing serverl people with disorders physical and mental as well as having researched it extensively.. I just can’t help but think that my father, and his stupied genes gave me all these worries. Hell, my half sister and half brother are even worse than I am after he got married to a lady whose bulb seems to be on […]
I spend a lot of time looking back. Especially recently.
Aged 9. Started self harming.
Aged 10. Tried to throw myself out of the window (several times).
Aged 11. Couldn’t understand why I was the way I was. What was wrong with me.
Aged 12. Distractions. Life. I wasn’t any better, but things kept moving.
Aged 13. Minor improvements. Self acceptance.
Aged 14. Good. Not great, but good. Acceptance. Progress. Self medicating through reading.
and life continued much the same until last year. Not good. Not bad. Clear head at least.
I met someone. We’ll call him Oscar. Or O.
He was amazing. A recovering alcoholic, who’d been driven to drink by the desire […]
I just have no idea what to do anymore. I don’t want to be alive anymore but I can’t kill myself because anytime I think about doing it and how much I just don’t want to be forced to live on this rock, I see my parents and friends faces and how sad they’d be. This always brings a sense of hopelessness, I can’t die, I don’t wanna be here but I have to be so fuck what do I do. I’ve never felt like I belong anywhere on this whole world and constantly feel homesick for a place that I’m losing hope I could […]
How is it so possible to feel so alone.. when we’re supposedly so connected.. I go here to vent to rant to just get it off my chest. Say something anything even if nobody’s listening. Even so, it’s way better than bottling everything up in my soul. Feel like at any moment I’m ’bout to blow. Where’s a gun when you need one? All I have is this imaginary one replaying in my head. The sweet release of death. Oh how comforting it feels. Like home. The warm embrace. The darkness where everybody acknowledges who I am. Among the ones who felt the same. Wish […]
Its 12.30pm on a Tuesday morning, people my age are at work or school doing something meaningful with their lives yet here am I: Lying on my bed with no intention to make today worth it. I don’ t even know how I found the strength to type this. I have a job interview in a couple of hours yet I am wondering if I should go. I feel like doing nothing. Nothing interests me anymore. I have lost my appetite, my eyes are swollen from crying everyday.
2017 was one hell of a year. I graduated from college, I turned 24, got my first car, […]
Recently, things have been worse than normal. More family issues, issues with my lover, my so called ‘friends’. It’s alright though, I won’t be here much longer. Hopefully I’ll only have to endure a few more months of this hell.
I have three plans in mind. First I’ll try and get my hands on a gun. It’ll take awhile, I either have to crack the code on the vault or have them trust me enough to get me one for ‘shooting practice’.
If that doesn’t work, I’ll plan a time to sneak out with a bunch of liquor and pot and go to the railroads. […]
Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !
Human’s imagination is better than reality !
Movie / Movies is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Game / Games is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Comic / Comics book is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Novel / Novels is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Science fiction ( sci-fi […]