I finally wrote my suicide letter. It doesn’t say much. I don’t have that much to say, and even if I did no one would care. People don’t see me, people don’t know me. I don’t care anymore, I mostly feel sadness.
Just hoping for a miracle that would stop me from feeling like this.
Things have gone worse. But, that’s probably good for me. I talked to the school counsellor the other day, and honestly it didn’t help. She’s going to tell my parents. That is why i didn’t want to go in the first place -.- She thinks i suffer with some depression, but it’s probably not a bad one. It’s not like i have trouble sleeping or anything. I’m going downhill, but then i guess that means i’m going uphill in a way. Me suffering is a good thing. It’s meant to be. I’ve lost interest in everything i loved, in food even. I only really eat […]
Ive been thinking about it all day. Â I’ve realized it’s just a matter of time before my impulses get too bad and I attempt suicide again and fail again and lose everything and end up in a hospital again and ruin all my relationships. Â So I accept defeat. Â I’m going to plan this out and do it right so there is no going back.
I tried the butterfly project out. Guess how that ended up? I was balling my eyes out and scrubbing it all off my arms. I can’t stand the thought of the names of people I care about over these ugly scars.
I know I’m only 19 and I have a lot of growing up to do, but I feel as if there’s no future for me to look forward to. I had a very hard life growing up, I had to deal with both physical and verbal abuse at the hands of my mother. I never received hugs, kisses or I love you’s from my mother. She rather beat the shit out of me everyday call me names like stupid, heffer, ungrateful and dumbass. My bi-o dad is not in my life.i haven’t seen the man I should call daddy since I was 2. He and […]
I’ve attempted to write my suicide note. Or notes I should say. I’m not even done with the one to my love. It’s like 4 pages long already and not even close to being finished. Do I know if I’m going to commit suicide? No. I just want everything ready for when and if it does happen. I see it being a 30 to 70%. 30% being I won’t attempted it. The other 70% is I will. Probably not now but latter.
Tomorrow and Thanksgiving and I’m not sure what to be thankful for. My family resents me. My friends will eventually turn their backs on me. What’s […]
Just want to say to all who is in hard time at the moment, STAY STRONG, you were born to make a diference in this world.
You are just so much better than those people or things that upset you, who ignoring you, who or what makes you scared… There are people who love you and who DO care for you, they may be near, or you’ll meet them later in your life (you sure will), and they need you. Think about them. Do not be selfish. You are wonderful, beautiful and this world needs you!
Believe in yourself! I DO!
Read some books, look for answers, talk to somebody, look in to yourself, try […]
I’m gonna go away for a while I think. I don’t know when Ill be back or if I will be back. I can’t take everything going on and everyone is so caught up in stupid drama to help. (And the drama I’m referring to is NOT suicide or personal troubles) I just can’t take this anymore. I think I might just be going insane, losing it….falling apart. I have been hurt and destroyed and now I’m crushed. So I just need to go…
All i can think about is suicide. In the daytime, at school, at home, in the shower, outside, and especially at when i go to bed. Does anyone else think of suicide that much? It’s strange, there’s really not much to think about it, but i can’t think about anything else. My 2 friends, the only people i’ve told, say i should talk to the school counseller. Should i go? I mean, maybe it’ll help, maybe it won’t. But i don’t like talking to people about my ‘problems’ and i don’t want it to get to my parents, i don’t want them to worry about […]
for the first time in 18 months I saw the love of my life in action-via video. It was filmed just months before I met him. he was so happy, smiling and laughing. i recalled that smile, remembered that laugh. felt that feeling he gave me. we just lied in bed all day holding each other. but underneath we felt the same thing. we walked in on me once as I was vomiting up a large amount of pills. my liver will never be the same. I watched his eyes fade over the months as he sunk deeper into PF. I followed him down the […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’ve written my suicide note before, but a lot has changed since 3 months ago. I have more to say. I’m not saying that I will kill myself but if I do, I want people to know how I felt about them.
My boyfriend told me to kill myself. I cant leave him. I don’t know what to do.
Should I just do it.
Being happy.. Is possible. No matter how far away from ending your life you are. Don’t believe me? Days ago I was in my room.. No one was home.. And it was raining. I sat on my bed, with my brain spinning with ideas of suicide. One came up that I could do.. Painless.. Simple.. Perfect. I got my supplies. As I sat on my bed minutes away from death so many thoughts were running through my head. My sister.. Prom.. College.. Teaching.. Having a wedding.. Children.. Friends.. Graduating.. And growing old. So many things I wanted to achieve before I left this life behind. […]
This is not a story of hope, even though it starts of like one.
It’s been five years since I first tried to kill myself via exit bag, after six years of depression. After that failed attempt, I decided that if I wasn’t going to die, then I was going to try to live. I decided to do everything I could to leave my old life behind – family, friends… everything.
Things started getting better career/work-wise. I went to college and graduated top in my major. I was able to move across the globe (literally, with a 12 hour time-zone difference), because I am doing my PhD […]
Hey guys,
Ive only been suicidal for about 2 months now although ive had obsessive thoughts, depression, and anxiety most of my life (im 27 f). It all started for me when i suddenly started having significant perceptual difficulties as well as cognitive (memory) problems along with severe debilitating anxiety and depression. After researching it myself and talking to dr.s I then convinced myself that i must be developing a mental illness or something similar to schizophrenia. The fear has taken over my life and the idea of having a psychotic mental illness is something that i couldnt live with so although i havent full blown developed it yet i feel […]
I got kicked out of my moms house a year ago, and the day since my life hasn’t been the same. I’ve been out for a year now because I called her a ***** because she was being one. That’s it…kicked out for over a year for saying “stop being a ***** for 2 minutes”. I moved in with my grandma (worst fucking decision I could ever make). Day after day of being out in the country away from my friends and family, it hasn’t been the same. I lost all of my friends, and since she’s 5 miles away its a hassel going to […]
So I’ve been suicidal for a long time, I usually get this way after someone has treated me badly and made me feel worthless. I attempted the first time when I was 17. I have been struggling for the past year and a half not to kill myself, I’m 24 now. Sometimes the urges were almost overwhelming.
For the first time in my life I started talking to my dad about how worthless I felt. He held me and I was able to cry for the first time in five months. I cried on him for five hours, cried so hard I broke out in fever […]
I never thought it would come to this. Feeling sad and alone, sitting here looking at what I have done, and all that I know I will do. I think about suicide every day. I just look around and think ” If I jumped off that building, I would probably die.” Or ” If I open the car door and jump, I’ll be roadkill.” It’s constant. I have scars. I have tears. But most people around here don’t really understand. If I told my parents they would freak out. If I committed suicide then my siblings, they might blame themselves.  I’m at a dead end road, […]
Am I supposed to stop thinking about suicide when I’m “cured” or am I just supposed to stop telling people how I really feel. Because I’m really getting tired of the (raised eyebrow) how are you doing? (concerned crinkle of the forehead) How are you feeling today? Really frakkin’ tired.
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