I like to pretend that my life sucks.
I go through these phases- anorexia one day, cutting the next. Bulimia. Compulsive over eating. As many pain pills as I can handle.
Anything to justify the way I feel,
Like I’m hopeless and useless and better off under the ground.
But I know that I’ve got it good, that there are girls who would kill to spend a day in my shoes.
Which just makes me feel dirtier.
Tag:
Suicide
Today I was so depressed I just didn’t have control over me. I was a friend to someone and let them slap me, because they were feeling down. I’m not a masochist but I don’t feel pain to a certain degree and It didn’t phase me. But after she struck me, something inside me clicked. I ran to the bathroom and I just tried to lighten myself up. I wasn’t in the situation where I could walk around the room upset and in tears. But I cried, and cried. We had call, and I had to go into the Green Room (I’m in a play […]
may. thats when i die. thats it. it works out for everyone. i dont ruin my boyfriend’s birthday in december. i have my birthday in january. i go on vacation with my family in february so they dont waste the money they’ve spent on it. i dont ruin my best friend’s birthday in april. i see the 14th anniversary of columbine. i dont have to make my confirmation, which my family begs me to do even though i dont believe in it. my boyfriend and i will most likely break up by then. i dont finish this school year, and never move up to my […]
How nice it would be,
to end naturally.
no pills, no razors, no rope.
When you just want to end,
as you’ve given up hope.
I don’t have the strength to do it myself,
but yet I have a good life and perfect health.
It seems I will have to keep living,
whether I want to or not.
Suicidal thoughts must be forgot.
All it takes is a car,
or a bus or a train.
To finish my life, to end all my pain.
Then no one could say that I was weak,
all they know is my life had reached its peak.
My family would be sad but […]
I feel very lost and I don’t know what to do (I’m a guy). I’m currently attending my local college and am in a two year program with 4 semesters in total. I’m currently in semester number 5 and I’m failing miserably. I CAN NOT tell my parents. My father might understand if I really talk to him, man-to-man, but there is very little chance of that and my mother simply won’t accept failure from me again. I previously attended university for biological sciences and I failed out of that. I finally built up the courage to tell my parents that sciences weren’t my thing […]
I don’t know how many people believe in psychics. My mom’s boyfriend is clairvoyant and I had him read me with my suicidal thoughts in mind. I had him do two readings (picking the cards, reading them, then shuffling them, and doing it again) to be sure. He told me to think of the question I wanted to ask (one that can be answered with yes or no) while I shuffle the cards. (I have to shuffle them to put my energy in them or some mumbojumbo). In my head the first time I asked if my suicide attempt would work. The second time I ask if […]
I sent a bullet through my skull 15 years ago on November 10th, 1997. I never did it again, came close a couple of times but I’ve tried hard never to let things get that bad again. Of course, so many things are out of our control and there’s always the day to day BS that can lead to death by a thousand cuts. Even as a small child I remember suicide being an option. If things went bad at school or with friends I remember thinking “I could always kill myself” and it made me feel better. I didn’t act on it until much later but […]
I wrote this song about bullying and suicide. I hope that you will like it and I hope that it will help to sooth and educate people on bullying and suicide. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn9NaB43C8A
I can’t live anymore.
I’ve tried to suicide since I was 11, and I was suicidal when I was 10.
I’ve faked a smile, a laugh; I’m good at hiding my emotions. I can act like I’m perfectly happy, when I’m hurt. I can’t help it. I don’t want to show. I can’t speak up. I’m trapped in a living nightmare.
I feel like I have no family. My mom is always at work. And my dad…Him.
He sits in front of the computer and never seems to even MOVE. He’s like a statue, frozen. I feel like I can’t talk. Talking to a statue is pointless […]
I have a hard time talking about this stuff but i just dont know anymore about anything one second I’m happy and ok and most of the time i just dont know what to think its weird, i dont know what to think anymore I go to the gym to help my confidence and it seems the harder i go the harder i am on my self , I feel i made the wrong decisions in life im not getting anywhere with life i feel like im at a stand still, i hate every choice i have made noone knows i feel This way and […]
So as i was taking a shower, i just randomly began to think of how i had no childhood.. how i was a depressed and suicidal child, how i can hardly remember all the fun times i had but can vividly remember the days and nights i spent crying in my room feeling isolated and alone. As if no one could save me. I had flashbacks of getting bullied, of all the shit i had to put up with. And after the flashbacks, i felt nothing. I thought nothing. I could only stare at the wall with wide eyes. My body was cold, i had […]
I survived suicide 3 times. Â I made my first attempt when I was 18. Â It seemed like a logical choice at the time. Â I felt like there was no possibility of recovering from the all consuming pressures and stresses of life. I tried to hang myself with an electrical chord. Â The chord broke, and I woke up minutes later seizing on the ground and vomiting. Â I cleaned up and with my bruised neck I knew there was no way of hiding so I let my family know. Â I was sent to a facility for a bit where they forced me to eat and take drugs. […]
It’s these days, where I lay in bed and think about my life and how it has turned into a nightmare over the passed years. All time long everything seemed fine and I had my own perfect little world. In the beginning this world was build up by my best friend whom I met in the elementary school nearly 13 years ago for the first time. Since then we were the greatest friends. We both didn’t have many other friends, it was just the both of us, just like Tom and Huckelbarry. Well every perfect story has it’s downside. The one of this is, […]
Dying has never been easy for any human being, at least for any of the human being I’ve met throughout my life. The idea of leaving the world for visiting some unknown existence is just scaring. But, for me, the worst thing about dying is never have the guarantee of seeing your loved ones again.
I said before that one of my friends, one of the important people in my life, was trying to hate me but he wasn’t able to. Well, now I know he hates me. I know, this is my fault. A friend, who I really trust, told me that he hates me. When […]
I get a bunch of crap from a lot of people. I have been hurt all my life… I never got used to it. My dad calls me crap, tells me I’m not worth a place on Earth. My mom shoves God down my throat 24/7. My brother makes jokes about suicide a lot. I have to lie to my family, act like everything is fine. I told my grandma about my friends cutting to see what she thinks about cutting before I told her that I do it. She responded ” Oh My God, why would anyone cut, Â Its so disgusting.” I ended up […]
it’s time to be with my daugther, dying is the best way out. what do you think?
written by amelia follicauo
So today i went to the doctor, he put me on antidepressants but i think he was very dumb. as i live alone ATM and i miss her so so much, i think I’m going to take all of them and mix it with alcohol. Emma will be so alone and scared o i have to go help her and look after her. it hasn’t been long since she committed suicide but this life is too hard and she deserves to have her mum with her. my kids have gone to live with their dad and they don’t want to stay with me so i […]
I’ve been really thinking about everything that’s happened to be and what might happen to me lately I kinda just want to get everything that’s happened to me out there. I’ve never actually told anyone my whole life story before. I don’t expect this to get me any comments or any views for that matter, I just want to get if off my chest. It kinda explains why I am who I am. Well, I guess I’ll start from the beginning:
When I was 2 months old my mom found out my dad was on some serious drugs. He actually dealt drugs. Every kind you could think of, he had. As soon as […]
I am afraid of dying. After witnessing a year of my depression, helping me numerous times – supporting me emotionally and financially – my friend had offered to stay on the phone with me while I used the exit bag. Now with things closing in, and me not getting any better, he has brought up the idea of staying with me while I kill myself. He says he can handle it. And he suggested a motel as to where to do it. I had thought about this myself. Neither of us know if it’s possible for the motel to sue him or my family for […]
I’m so angry! Everyday I go to school and I only get humiliated by my classmates. At PE(and other classes) no one wants me as a partner. When I stand close to them they go further away from me and when they have no choice left but to choose me because there is no one left anymore they say ‘Not that one’ or ‘Tsk’ and sometimes they even yell at me if I do something wrong by mistake. I don’t get it. WHY ME? I don’t smell bad and I shower everyday. I’ve done nothing wrong with them to be treated this way.
Everytime they do […]
Scared of life. Scared of suicide. Cant deal wi th depression any more. Cant handle th stress of hiding it. Living on prescribed pills for pain and stress. Afraid to tell anyone how i really feel. Dont know how to. I’ve tried to OD ended up on th medical ward. “Accidental OD” …feel like a balloon being squeezed, when will i burst? Dont want to let anyone down. Mostly my over achieving fam. Making my own little hell….