I get a bunch of crap from a lot of people. I have been hurt all my life… I never got used to it. My dad calls me crap, tells me I’m not worth a place on Earth. My mom shoves God down my throat 24/7. My brother makes jokes about suicide a lot. I have to lie to my family, act like everything is fine. I told my grandma about my friends cutting to see what she thinks about cutting before I told her that I do it. She responded ” Oh My God, why would anyone cut,  Its so disgusting.” I ended up not telling her. When Im at school I put on my best smile and act like im happy so the counselors won’t notice and realize how I really feel. I have nightmares night after night after night of the same thing over and over. I dream that I have a gun to my head, I pull the trigger, the gun fires but I’m still alive. Its like no matter how much I want to die I can’t. I have tried to set myself on fire a couple of times but the flame went out once it reached my knees. Its hurts to wake up in the mornings and know im going to live in hell for another day. It kills my heart to think of  how I know Im going to get hurt again today. Im just tired… Tired of feeling, tired of breathing, tired of living.
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4 comments
You should talk to one of the councillors at your school. They could really help. If you do, start slow, baby steps
I can’t. I have a hard time looking at people and telling them how I feel. I want to scream at the world for making me alive. I want to scream at the world for making me who I am. I think the only people that could help me are my too friends victoria and hannah. Im afraid to tell them how I feel too though
Olivia? Okay bro it’s meee. I feel like all the shit your feeling. I understand how you feel. Just know you can talk to me okay?
Ey bro. Im okay. Still alive. I kno i can talk to you. You can talk to me too.