Today I was happy.
I went to the pool today with my assistant manager/close friend (I helped her recover after a very brutal divorce with her crack-addict lousy excuse for a husband.) Now normally when I have any cuts or scars on my legs, I tend to hide them. But today I said, “Fuck it! I’ll show them off and let them get some sun. Maybe they’ll fade out a little like the older ones.” I had an incident a few days ago that I’m none too proud of, but I decided to go nonetheless. When we got to the pool and the sun was […]
You ask me where to begin
Am I so lost in my sin
You ask me where did I fall
I’ll say I can’t tell you when
But if my spirit is lost
How will I find what is near
Don’t question I’m not alone
Somehow I’ll find my way home
My sun shall rise in the east
So shall my heart be at peace
And if you’re asking me when
I’ll say it starts at the end
You know your will to be free
Is matched with love secretly
And talk will alter your prayer
Somehow you’ll find you are there.
Your friend is close by […]
I’m 15 and sad. I know these dark thoughts are bad and I should get help but I honestly don’t want to depend on anyone for my weakness. I don’t know whether im depressed or just sad… all I know is that I feel empty and really dark all the time. I don’t remember when this all started and I don’t know when im getting better. I have self-harmed before and I still do. I remember the first time I took a blade to my wrist I was only 12. At an age like that I should have been happy and going out playing in the sun. […]
I never asked to be born. It’s not like I was given much of a choice. I didn’t choose my parents, my house, the schools I went to or the country in which I live. I’m just here. And everyday it becomes harder for me to accept that. It’s not my fault that I see the world the way I do, or that I hold such feelings of hatred for it. Nothing would make me happier than to see it and everyone in it burn. But no amount of me hoping, ranting or dreaming of that is going to make it happen. So I give […]
i was watching a bunch of science videos today on youtube (theyre damn entertaining). i learned that the radius of the universe is 14 gigaparsecs wide. 1 gigaparsec is 3.3 billion light years. 1 light year is 5.88×10^12 miles. 93 billion light years across. thats a ludicrous amount of space and its all full of mostly nothing. the earth is just a small rock floating in all this nothing.
to compare; there are over 1 trillion bacteria on the skin of an average human. these bacteria are about 2×10^-6 meters long. a 6 foot human is 1.83 meters. that means that we humans are almost a […]
Have you tried every option in the book that never worked and are now planning your suicide? Before you even try to kill yourself, I want you to do a small task for me. I want you to go to the most peaceful and beautiful place you know that it is close to you (say.. the beach, the sun gleaming on the forest, a beautiful park)Â Go there, and just sit and notice the beauty around you. Don’t think, don’t cut. Just close your eyes, your mind, your hurt. Listen around you and relax. Do this whenever life gets to you. I don’t know if this […]
I wish I could restart like a video game. Start over new so I could do everything differently. Every time I turn on my iPod every song I listen to has memories attached to them. I don’t want these memories any more.
I just want to forget the past and let go of this pain. This pain is like a rope that won’t hang me, instead it holds me back, stopping me from moving on.
I just want to let go of the past. The memories. The pain they cause.
I just want to move past this.
I don’t care how I do it, weather it’s with […]
one shot one rope one fall
the things that end us all
look out of the door in to the night
pull the triger blow out whats left
knock out the cher tern off the light
take the step let the wind take you
bight the pill brake the cap
tern on the gas light the fag
drive the car off the clife
not comeing back
fuck you all
all the day no whos calld
the reper by his rele name
and see whos the one to frame
so smoke the weed bern the casel
drink till you drop
this ant pritey cos life shure ant
no whos been droping the candel
lifes like light going out
the smoking emders that you find
blowing away in […]
Some say “Mother Earth will somehow find a way,” but I think they are whistlin’ Dixie. She’ll melt boil into a cloud get partly blown away the rest slowing to fall smack dab straight into the Sun. No one cares it’s true, not even you fuckers.
early in the morning
as the sun rises
you’re wide awake
no surprises
honestly, she never sleeps
she’s up til dawn
fussing about her weight
she’s pinching her tummy
she’s making herself sick
it’s honestly cruel
what children permit
-e.m.
How my life has changed these past months. I have officially stopped cutting for awhile now. I feel weird sometimes because i know that people can see all my scars and they immediately judge me, but dont say anything and i feel like maybe i shouldnt make other people uncomfortable like that..
Ive had my ex, the one from before, ask me back out and i couldnt do it, i had a really good friend ask me out too and it was awkward because i couldnt bring myself to tell him no to his face, i never answered him, I feel really guilty now. Im currently […]
Darkness ahead
Soon we’ll be dead
The sun is fading fast
Light wasn’t meant to last
http://youtu.be/uCTgQJ9dqLI
We’re falling on too fast
Leaving behind the past
Nothingness around us
Oblivion has found us
-Living in a house filled with false emotion
-Day by day the pain growing stronger
-Finally one day comes abruption
-Walking in the cold night every second feeling longer
-Death is nothing more than just a tranquil thought
-Everything going black,colder,careless
-I could have been that kid that random kid that was shot
-Sight fading,mind bending,moving seems weightless
-As I think my finally moments are coming
-A bright light shines on my face
-To think I was knocked out till it started shining
.This is a poem-ish,about one of my memories,basically what happened was that I was living in a house with what I thought was a loving mother, one day overheard “I knew I should […]
I’m sitting on my bed, and all I hear is the rain falling and the wind going crazy. Sometimes I wish there was more sun here. It makes me more depressed looking outside. Today has been another bad day, I feel like I can’t talk to anyone, and I feel so lonely. I’ve lost mostly all my friends because I’ve been with my bf for 2 years and it’s all about him now, which is good because he’s my friend but when he’s not there I feel so alone. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t understand how much sadness I feel inside, and all the […]
The attacks from my own mind happen all the time:
Before I go to bed
When I do my homework
When I see my friends, all talking, no awkward scilence, looking so happy without me.
Now they have migrated to the classroom.
In biology (my class has 9 people) they happen.
I feel useless,
Pain,
Agony beyond belief.
I feel as if I am drowning, and there is no light, no better day tomorrow.
The sun won’t come out tomorrow, the pain will never leave,
I will forever be a burden.
I go to the back of the lab stations, and I curl up in […]
I came from a unforunate upbringing. Suffice to say, there was lots of weird stuff that is crimminal and will follow me until the day that I die. I put up a shell that protected me. When I moved out of the house at 18 I lived alone. I worked alone. At this time I was morbidly obese. I overcame that addition. Got in shape. Enlisted in the reserves. Finished my B.Sc. and now find my self in Law School. It took me 12 years of my life to get to be a freshman law school student. 4 years ago I met a girl. Despite […]
I walked last night on the cliffs, facing the Pacific Ocean. Alone. It was very late; nearly 2am. There was a mild mist coming from the ocean. The ocean before me was so vast, that you can’t but still your mind and feel the nothingness. Had I taken a boat, and sailed straight forward (as the crow flies), I would have possibly ended up in Queensland.
Then you equate the ocean with the eternity. Of course, it’s only a fallacy, as nothing is eternal. One day even this vast ocean will come to its end. But it’s a melancholic thought nonetheless, when humans do that […]
It’s funny how sometimes the most random thing could make you happy.we were conducting a field exercise when during the middle of our break the sun started to show up. my buddies started singing “here come the sun” by the beatles and it was one of the most calming and serene moment i’ve ever experienced, especially since for the last two days it was raining the whole time. we all basked in the warmth and knew that everything was going to be all right.
I just re-watched Tom Hank’s Cast Away for the first time in years. I never paid attention to these lines but now it makes a lot of sense. Maybe it can also turn your day around. Here goes:
“Â I added it up, and knew that I had… lost her. ‘cos I was never gonna get off that island. I was gonna die there, totally alone. I was gonna get sick, or get injured or something. The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen. So… I made a rope and I went up to the […]
i cut just to know i feel
i cut because its so surreal
i cut just to know im here
i cut because i belong no where
i cut to cover all my lies
i cut to stay trapped in this time
the pain its just so enticing
im not living unless im slice
all the sins that cover me
it blocks out the sun its smothering
i cut just to stay alive
i cut because i know i cant hide
behind the walls and painted glass
take your hope and shove up your ass
i cant live on bible talk
im a rebel and i know i rock
so i cut just to breath the air
that is granted just because […]