Hello there. Wanna hear a story? Well let’s take a look inside my head shall we? This story will consist of different parts and depending on how much i feel like typing, that’s how much of the story that will be posted. Anywho, let’s continue. Once upon a time there was a man who went by the name of Rodney. Rodney was addicted to cocaine. Rodney found a woman who was also addicted by the name of Renita. The two have a child and abandon that child to die. This child’s name is Isaiah. Growing up, Isaiah’s word was never believed. He would tell the […]
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Well, I guess it’s time for my story. I have made some posts but I guess it’s time to say the real deal.
Ever since I was a kid my mom would spend most of the time at a hospital. I usually stayed with her best friend or someone that took care of me since I was a baby. Such a nice old lady. She was like the grandma I never had. So yeah, I went to a private Christian school and had a few close friends. Well there were times when the security guard would go looking for me telling me my mom was outside […]
So this morning I woke up, shaking and I couldn’t breathe. In my head I was telling myself “Your okay, your okay, why are you being so dramatic?!” and I couldn’t stop shaking. Breathing became extremely hard. I couldn’t move. I felt trapped and honestly, every time I have a panic attack I feel like i’m in hell or being buried alive. It feels like I’m dying, it feels like I’m being attacked. It feels like I am going to die. It’s terrifying, and I can’t do anything about it.
I’m sorry if this is weird, but I was thinking and I’m not sure how much I’ll really want to say when I see you tomorrow, but right now I feel like talking so I think I’m going to try and tell you some things now so you basically know whats happening.
So I started taking my anxiety medication and I don’t think it’s working at all. In fact I think I’ve been getting a lot worse. I keep shaking like whenever I get anxious or nervous I can’t breathe, I can barely talk and my jaw starts shaking and it looks like I’m shivering. […]
I’m 23 with a 5 & a half year old daughter. I met my fiancée when my daughter turned 1 and I fell head over heals in love with him. We moved quickly & he proposed. A year after proposing he finished with me saying he was unhappy etc. For a year after this we met up every week as there was still so much love there. Eventually after a year of secretly being together, we made it official & became a couple again. In this time he had joined the army (something I’ve always supported him with) and he proposed to me again in […]
For a while now I fight with myself and his voice. The voice that says I love you in one breathe and “whats the survival rate of melanoma” the next. Your such a great mom to our daughters but I’m gonna go ahead and keep them from you because I’m an a hole and I can. For years I have felt the only way to get away truly from this man is to die. The thought doesn’t even phase me because I know how real my feelings are and the truth it holds. Either live a living hell every day with this man telling […]
is it bad that since my best friend has been ‘stripped’ of the ability to talk to me by her parents and changed schools by her parents because of her boyfriend….which has caused me to stop telling people things and just pushing them away even though i know they care and are really trying to help?
I feel like they shouldn’t be dragged into this….into my sorrow and sadness since, year 11 its important they don’t need the stress its stressing enough.
Days are so lonely now without my best friend to talk to and it sometimes just feels good to ignore people and be alone but […]
(NOTE: THIS IS JUST A RANT. DON’T TAKE ANY OF IT PERSONALLY IF YOU DO)
Maybe society really is fucked up.
I mean now it has doctors and therapist telling parents that if their child wants to hurt
themselves to let them. Just to be on stand by just in case. They’re telling parents that it’s their child’s life and they can do anything they want to their bodies. That there’s no way to stop them. Parents can’t force their kids to get help or to let them in.
Maybe society really is fucked up.
It now has girls and boys on social media who […]
So a friend has been talking with me in WhatsApp for the last week. We hadn’t seen each other for months, and I had stopped talking to her months ago cause she didn’t reply.
So she has been talking to me this week, and today she called me crying. And, stupid as I am, I immediately drove to see her.
I could feel her pain, and I could relate to everything she was telling to me, as I feel it myself. But it just felt so wrong to be there for her even when she’s never there for me…
I have lost the love of my life. The only woman I have ever truly loved and truly loved me. I waited 36 years for her to come into my life. She was my everything. Everything I ever wanted and needed.
I don’t understand why most people insist on telling me to “move on” and that “there are plenty of fish in the sea” and other cliché nonsense like this. I am aware of this. I know I could get someone else.
Why do people not understand that I don’t want to find anyone else? Who could ever compare to her? She was not perfect. No one […]
I’m so fuckin sick of people telling me I havent fucking tried. So fuckin sick of people saying I don’t put my “all” into it! So fucking INCREDIBLY sick of hearing, “you have to want it.” Oh, let me get this straight. You actually think I like to live every fucking moment in misery and agony? You actually think that I love to walk the streets and feel like I fucking disgust every person and that I’m a disgrace in their eyes? I mean as if it matters right? No, they don’t fucking matter but do you know how it feels to be paranoid into […]
-Are you OK?
-Yep.
-Really? You look terrible.
-Oh, thank you, I love you too.
(No, I’m not OK, I feel devastated, I just want to cry, I don’t know why the hell I’m even here, I dream about killing myself every night, please help me find a way to tell you that I want to die, just telling you some of the things that are wrong with an ironic comment at the end has stopped being enough, I want you to know how broken I feel, I don’t care about the causes anymore, I don’t want to tell you what’s wrong, you know my world is a […]
The words you say to me. The words you say behind my back. “Don’t tell her anything she might kill herself.” You saying in front of everyone. They laugh. Why would they care anyways? It’s not like I was ever their friend. But to the girl that said that I was. I was her friend. And I thought I was being a good friend by telling her the truth. But I guess I was wrong… next class I have people laughing at me. Saying stuff about me because I was trying to help out a “friend”. My real friends say with me and said it […]
I feel tired though I am not busy.
I feel old though I am just 16.
I feel broken.
What does this life really mean?
Sorry for my bad english. I hope I won’t be discriminated. I’ve been feeling depressed for a long time. I can’t find the way out. Telling what I feel to my parents and friends(are we still friends?)Its so difficult and weird. I’ve been telling that I’m lucky, so it is so sorry to express my reaI feeling. I’m sad doesn’t mean I’m not grateful. I have to fake a smile or a laugh to fit in when everyone’s happy. I […]
I’m 20 and in my second year of varsity. I have a history of cutting myself and have tried to kill myself a few times, putting myself in hospital once. After a lot of effort and the help of my boyfriend I was able to move past it and break the habit. But now he and I are having a really rough patch. We have nothing in common. He’s Mr Logic while I’m immensely emotional. He doesn’t make me feel wanted or special. It feels like he looks down on me a lot. I’m not even sure if I still love him any more. My […]
There is nothing good about me.
1) I am bangladeshi and still live in bangladesh.
2) I am autistic.
3) I am 19 which means almost 1/3 of my life is already over (because bangladeshi men usually live 60 years and women 70 years).
4) I am a male and I am inferior to females.
5) I am only 5’4”.
6) I am fugly and brown.
7) My parents are fucking poor, make only about 20k a year.
8) I have no skills because I am autistic and thus I have no job and no money.
9) I am the stupidest human to have ever existed.
10) My head is super small. only 9 inch […]
Life? Life? You mean the everyday struggles. You mean the everyday suicidal thoughts. You mean the everyday struggles to get out of bed, because you don’t want to interact with people who will never fucking understand what you’re going through. You mean the everyday pretending to be okay. You mean the everyday faking a smile. You mean the everyday breakdowns. You mean the everyday panic attacks. You mean the everyday being a burden. You mean everyday being a disappointment. You mean the everyday feeling worthless. You mean the everyday telling yourself that everything is going to be okay, when its only getting worse and worse. […]
you see? I don’t even know what to title this because I don’t even know how I feel. Actually I do; I’m worthless, useless like my brother says. I’m a freshman in college. I only got to finish fall & winter term because just today I got told I got dropped out of college. I’ve been distracted because my ex boyfriend left me without a reason. Yea it’s stupid to be sad over a boy but it’s something I can’t control. I gave this guy something I always treasured. He told me he loved me & he showed me he did. I am so confused […]
I hate everyone and everyone hate me… I always upset my girlfriend because of the past, I never bring it up, I hear voices all the time, there shouting at me telling me I’m worthless and that I need to kill myself… I have stood at the top of a building I have held a blade to my wrist 3 times in the last fucking week… I have pushed down once but didn’t draw blood, My Family hate me, I get dirty looks, I get bullied… I can’t talk to anyone about this because I can’t share my opinions and when I do PEOPLE TELL […]
I’m starting to think that is not fair that I have to live with all this pain and anxiety just because of not hurting my mum and sister by killing myself.
So now I’m really afraid.
I study, or used to, Psichology. I rationally understand what’s going on with me. I know that it must eventually pass. That’s what I keep telling myself. But it just doesn’t feel like it will actually get better.
Some days ago, one of my sister’s friend lost her father by suicide. My sister begged me to never do the same.
When my mums boyfriend commited suicide a year ago, his own son came […]