I am under a great deal of stress at the moment. It’s finals week at school and I have my Algebra 1 exam tomorrow. This test will not only determine if I’m going to pass the class, but also place me into a ranking chart of students heading into Algebra 2. Ever since I was 11 years old, I wanted to be perfect. My dream is to go to Harvard, but I’m so stupid and ignorant that that probably won’t happen; nevertheless, I feel as if I have to get a perfect score on this test in order to determine my self worth. If I […]
I am kind of stuck. I’ve wasted an entire year at university but have been barely able to get out of bed let alone get a degree, so now I am redoing my second year. (I am writing a separate post about that)
All I want to know is, how am I supposed to go and get help from a doctor if I am too anxious? I know many people on here suffer from anxiety, how did you first go and get help? Like my nervousness is so crippling I can’t even think about going to the doctors!
I get stomach pains when I am anxious, and […]
so I don’t know but I think I’m going insane.
I can’t sleep well at night; I have terrors and wake up tired.
And today I got and F on my test; which is so so weird because I studied hard and when I took it I felt really good about it. I thought I aced it.
And on top of that my ex is sending me horrible emails. ( I’ve been not responding because I just don’t want him in my life). He’s saying horrible mean things to me. Which is really random and just plain mean. Idk why he’s doing that.
I don’t […]
Aha, they appeared! Here are my bluebells.
the universe works in mysterious ways every time i have a bad day or im in a dark place I get signs that show me that everything is going to be alright
like when I tryed my 3rd attempt I found money on the way to the hospital
today A baby was smiling at me on the train on my way to college after I gave a man some change I had and then I passed my final test wile walking up the road the sun felt like it was shining right on me there is something much more powerful in the universe what ever u want […]
You know that feeling when your so close but yet so far I’m getting anxious about this fucking test tomorrow already failed twice and I’m getting to that point when I think fuck it and sabatage it and not completing the course if I fail again its so frustrating no wonder kids go around shooting up school and colleges
how can u win physically if your loosing mentally ?
Its not that hard to fall right back into the dark isit
I got so many question that I need answers to
why do we fight to live if we just live to die ?
why life so hard
why do we […]
Going in for a test tomorrow. Dont think I will sleep tonight.
I wish I could just turn my head off.
I haven’t smoked weed in 6 months. Not for lack of trying since i moved i cant find a decent connect. Weed was an antidepressant that I no longer have access to. I dont drink so ive been begrudgingly sober far longer than id like. I dont want to be a blunt a day pot head. Just the occasional bowl to take the edge off. My outlook was mostly positive high. This isn’t to encourage weed use its not a cure all but got dam it helped. The only plus is i can pass a drug test which I’ll need to find a new job […]
Ink blot test.
http://theinkblot.com/
No email bull shit , just look at some cards select your answers and get analized.
Here’s mine:
Sickness Quotient: 66%
Hmmm, your “Sickness Quotient” of 66% is a little worriesome.
Detailed Diagnosis
Interpersonal Insights
You are utterly incapable of meaningful relationships, which is probably a good thing since you’re a horrible bore under the best of conditions. You have a positive attitude towards nearly everything, which is incredibly stupid and very annoying to those around you.
Job Performance & Attitude
You aspire to becoming the CEO of a large, powerful […]
12 hours left.
I managed to shower and get ready for my test. I put make up on. I did my hair. Im wearing normal clothes. This is a big accomplishment for me today. For everyone reading and replying, thank you. Im sorry that I will be posting a lot. Like I said. Im a book. This is my final chapter. And I want it to be rememberable.
15 hours left.
I didn’t sleep last night. I laid awake on a couch. I didn’t want to sleep. I was afraid to sleep. Now all I want to do is sleep as I get ready for that pointless test. I’ve realized. This is my last day on earth. Everything I do today is the last. From eating, to pretending like im going to be alive the next day. In about 2 hours I will be back to it. I might sleep for a while. I might stay up for the next 13 hours. I don’t know. I’m tired. I’m so tired. Not just in a […]
For those of you who have taken the time to listen to me.
I got my three month test 2 weeks ago.
My results came back negative.
Fuck you Zak, I hope you enjoy having hpv 2. I’m glad I didn’t catch it from you
As phantom says we got dealt the shit hand by God where did we go wrong or what did we do to piss God off ? is it a test of strength ? Test of faith ? I don’t know but it is some bull shit right here
maybe with lived a high life before this life ? Maybe I should start going back to church ? Or maybe we live in hell and we go heaven when we die ? That dose make suicide sound nice if people who commit suicide and go to heaven it’s a sin I think ? But who cares ? […]
I go into the hospital tomorrow morning for some tests.
One of them is a dexamethasone suppression test to see if I have Cushing’s Disease, the other is to see if I still have Osteomalacia. (Not osteoporosis but osteomalacia).
I’ll find out the results next week, plus I’m hoping they’ll start investigating the tumor in my head which showed up on the x-ray about 2 years ago. (Yeah, they’re taking their time with that for some reason).
If the worst-case scenario happens with the tumor, I may not even have to worry about suicide after all.. my body will self-destruct all on its own.
Still can’t decide whether that […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Lately I’ve been having medical issues. Serious, taxing, stressful medical issues. Issues that my mom, who works with a doctor, could clear up. She could tell me what the hell is going on but she chooses not to. I see a specialist tomorrow. Ever since I got my bloodwork results back, I’ve been stressed and anxious. Well, moreso than usual. These two things make it harder for me to focus, making my already difficult high school courses even harder. This quarter we talked about suicide in Health, and that’s the first time I’ve ever shown a serious emotion in school. I had a breakdown. I […]
A year ago, when I bought my burial plot and put a deposit on my tombstone, I was certain that I was doing the right thing. I only asked God to grant me one thing, and vowed that afterwards I would be willing to carry out my end of the bargain. I was granted the time I wished. Now, that time is over and I realize I no longer have that excuse. But although I already feel lifeless, I’ve discovered that I am too much of a coward to follow through. And, I also realize that God knew all along that I wouldn’t have the […]