Tag:

the future

Why am I not happy?

by Fadeto_black 7/18/2014

written by Fadeto_black

I don’t understand myself. I am truly privileged; I have a family that puts me in their best interests, friends who care about me, I’m not poor, not sick, I live an average middle class life and I have no hope for it.

A future that would satisfy me is not realistic. In order to anticipate the future I would have to be a different person and be extremely lucky. I dread the future and feel haunted by the past. A friend told me to focus on the present but I struggle to find pure happiness in my present life.

I know what should make me happy […]

7/18/2014 5 comments

Firefly In

by Dark Firefly 7/15/2014

written by Dark Firefly

I’ve been told to look to the future, but I feel so cramped now. My past can make me cry on the spot and the pain in the past is so unbearable I look to options that are frowned upon. The present is also unbearable, being tired and stressed out, and my future only holds ridiculous amounts of stress. The future is just, too much. I don’t even want to think about next week let alone the upcoming years. Even when I’m in my thirties, I’m going to have this stress. How are we supposed to live like this?

How can you get on with your […]

7/15/2014 3 comments

I Don’t Know What This Means

by 13vida 7/14/2014

written by 13vida

You know what? I’m not feeling suicidal, I don’t feel like cutting. I just feel empty. There’s just a huge empty hole that’s inside me and it’s leaving me very uncertain. My parents want me to think about life, especially since this is my senior year, but they don’t understand that I don’t see myself living after I turn 18. Let me explain: I don’t mean that I’m gonna commit suicide, or anything like that, it’s just I can’t see myself in the future after 18. I can’t imagine going to college, traveling the world, having kids, getting married. I know that normal people can […]

7/14/2014 2 comments

The Chase

by Aryl 7/9/2014

written by Aryl

There are some things that I cannot let go of.

I want answers from those who will not give me any.. not now, not ever.

Desperation washes over me whenever I think of ‘back then’ and the truth is that I’m not sure that what I remember is what happened because I was so young at the time. All I want is for those who were involved to ‘fess up for once in their lives, but I know deep down that it will never happen.

So, for the past few years I’ve been trying to forget.

Each hour now pasts like a dream – so detached from reality – […]

7/9/2014 1 comment

Yesterday Today And Future

by Sammie Motionless 7/4/2014

written by Sammie Motionless

Yesterday I wanted to commit suicide so I cut sure it wasn’t on or near the vein but I cut. Today I wanted to commit suicide so I cut right below the veins and I felt yeah I’m better now. But then the future came and my other side said “well today is pleasant isn’t it” and I thought yeah it is. “Well think about this if it is pleasant why are you still here shouldn’t you be dead anyways no one would care” so I thought ya he’s right. So I did I cut right on the veins deep deep into them I watched […]

7/4/2014 0 comment

heart on the wall

by stupidrain 7/3/2014

written by stupidrain

When you sort things out, when you sort your life, when you think this time it’s going to be alright, you say: you made it!; something awful happens. It throws you out of your course and i know these things happen daily. I just can’t stand when someone thinks you don’t care, when they think it is easy.

I am not making any sense but i am a little bit teary so i can’t find the words to describe how i feel. It’s always thinking about the future that makes me sad. I reached an age in which it is not yet too late to change […]

7/3/2014 0 comment

Addicted (Slam Poem)

by AngelWarrior16 7/2/2014

written by AngelWarrior16

I was addicted

To the cold knife blade piercing the delicate flesh of my wrist.

You ask why I didn’t tell you

You keep asking why I did it

Listen,

How can you judge someone if you don’t know

The Pain.

The Sorrow

The unending hell

In my addiction I felt disgusted with myself

I was falling deep inside the black

I saw no hope in my sight.

STOP ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

I was given a second chance

God Saved me.

My spirit free at last.

Now I stand here

still breathing still smiling

Listen, I’m a survivor and I can tell you that Suicide is never the answer when I tried to get help I was a subject of riticule and was […]

7/2/2014 1 comment

i cant anymore

by velvetmorning 6/30/2014

written by velvetmorning

I am just tired I am so sorry.

I hate the smell of my own family nowhere is home for me

They tried to make me ok but the damage is done. Interacting with them does not make ne feel warmth or joy or anything at all i feel like i do not have a family. They became strangers. I am a disappointer in every sense but my sister isnt she is small and fragile and beautiful i hope she can be everything i failed to be. Baby you are a fairy abd im past the age of believeing them so trust me you truly are

I had […]

6/30/2014 1 comment

Orbit

by bullfrog 6/23/2014

written by bullfrog

New piece that Shakinbakin and I put together. I wanted to give him something that he could really sink his teeth into so I wrote a progressive-themed piece for him to play with. It’s sort of a new style of writing for me, for that reason, but I think it turned out well – mostly thanks the Shake’s incredible jamming out on the track, tbh.

Like normal, the poem is posted below for anyone who wants to read along.

>inb4 extend a metaphor much?

Orbit

A fresh sun dawns on the face of a new son
The opening refrain of a song as yet unsung
A race that’s not […]

6/23/2014 2 comments

permanent rut

by mirrorhaze 6/23/2014

written by mirrorhaze

Hey everyone. I’m 24 years old, currently in grad school. I lead a relatively comfortable life except for a few cases of domestic violence (from family and partners) and a sexual harassment experience. I work, and I volunteer, and I have a few hobbies I enjoy.

But something I’ve been feeling lately leaves me hopeless, stuck, and miserable.

I’m working at an internship I hate. I thought I’d like it but I hate being in front of a computer for eight hours a day. The thought of working hard through college and grad school to just sit at a desk for the rest of my life sounds […]

6/23/2014 0 comment

planning for the future

by Mad-hatter 6/18/2014

written by Mad-hatter

I am a certified genius.

that’s a good thing and a bad thing.

I am a constant danger to myself. I know exactly how my body ‘ticks’. and I know how to make it stop ticking. I don’t need no knife or revolver I am able to use anything except the air filling my lungs. I have been planning my departure for almost 9 years now. escaping pain in it’s various forms.

heartbreak, impending failure, shame.

6/18/2014 98 comments

Abandoned Again

by timetogo76 6/16/2014

written by timetogo76

I’m one half of a dual-military family. My wife is deployed and I’ve been a shattered man since she left. We’ve been through some ups and downs before but we were always together to work through it. Not this time tho. We had a beautiful family. We had a plan for the future. At least that’s what I thought. I guess her plan was different. She has a beautiful family, once I’m out of it. Her plan for the future doesn’t include me.

This is just another in a pattern of losing all the women I’ve ever loved. Nobody stays…

6/16/2014 0 comment

Just some of my thoughts

by hopeforhappiness 6/8/2014

written by hopeforhappiness

I spend a lot of time thinking about the future. Wondering of ill travel the world, make it in broadway, get married and have kids, or give up Â before I get the chance.

I wonder what what it is inside of me that makes my body ache and makes my mind fill up with hate. I don’t know how to stop it. I know that I should probably get help. Tell a parent. But in reality if I tell them all that goes on in my head they’ll send me away because “I’m a danger to myself.” And I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I […]

6/8/2014 0 comment

Help me……

by the portal 6/6/2014

written by the portal

Hello everyone,

heres my story. I’m bipolar but more so depressed with a side of pathological lying. I’m afraid of what the future may hold for me. I’m 26 unemployed, living at my parents house. I can’t afford to go see my counsoler and psychiatrist. I don’t have a penny in my name. I’m afraid to leave my parents house at some times. My girlfriend left me and good thing to. I did end up going crazy and tried offing myself. I sent my ass right to the psych ward and got out in four days. I’m scared that if my life continues the way that […]

6/6/2014 2 comments

Where is my life going?

by WhereIsTheSilverLining 6/4/2014

written by WhereIsTheSilverLining

All I ever wanted to do is be happy. How can I expect anyone to love me if I can’t even love myself.

My life isn’t as bad as some, but that doesn’t mean I am any less dead inside. I have thought about dying since Â I was in grade 6. That was before I even knew what the words depression Â and suicide meant. I learnt about cutting in grade 8, told myself I would never do it, I thought as soon as I did it would be over. In grade 10 my best friend told me she did it, that’s when I realized cutting didn’t […]

6/4/2014 4 comments

by deadlynights 5/30/2014

written by deadlynights

it feels weird being back on this website, but Im back to the place where i need it.
i guess a little update on my life then, although Im pretty sure nobody cares.
lately, like in the past month or so, Ive been more depressed than i ever have been in my whole entire life. even though Im living at my dads now, which is everything i wanted, it still didnt fix anything. i pushed away all my friends and family and i just sit in my room all day watching YouTube videos. I cant even think about the future anymore, even though everyone […]

5/30/2014 4 comments

WTF. Is going on. in my brain.

by MandM 5/29/2014

written by MandM

Hi.. I’m a 24 year old female living in Canada & I’m starting to get scared that I will do something drastic and irreversible. I have gone through periods of depression on and off since I can remember. At first it wasn’t bad.. just low periods that last a few hours. Now it lasts weeks and the good periods in between (in which I am uncharacteristically social and productive) are getting shorter.

A bit of background on me is that I grew up in a very diverse, mixed-up family. I have 5 siblings and all are half-siblings. I am the oldest. I’ve had to choose between […]

5/29/2014 1 comment

by heartshapedpapercuts 5/28/2014

written by heartshapedpapercuts

Death Is Only Selfish to the Living

I find no join in life, no hope for the future. Â Loneliness is all I’ve ever known. Â I don’t know who I am, I live vicariously through others as if I’d made a conscious decision to die within myself. Â My soul is weary and my flesh is weak. Â The odds have never been in my favor. Â The thought of living another day pains me. Â Death seems so peaceful.

5/28/2014 1 comment

Pending…

by Jaye 5/27/2014

written by Jaye

Well I think I’ve finally reached that point.
I’ve been waiting and waiting for the chance to speak to you, to clear the air, to try and mend this broken thing you left.
The pain is utterly unbearable. It is consuming me, erasing anything that was left of who I am.
Now I am just pain and god it hurts so much and it just won’t stop.
I dread going to sleep because the dreams are so painful; in them you forgive me and we are happy again and it’s like I am made of air.
I dread waking up because the pain is instantaneous; […]

5/27/2014 0 comment

Fish out of water

by Stain 5/26/2014

written by Stain

Pain, fear, hardship and all those crappy things are the greatest motivators known to any living organism. If you think back to the first prehistoric mass of slime that crawled out of the ocean onto dry land to evolve into what you see when you look into a mirror, you can bet the slime’s motivation wasn’t any lofty idealism or optimistic dreams of the future but rather, its motivation was because it was hunted or starving to death and had to go somewhere new.

That’s all fine & dandy. But even the prehistoric slime must’ve eventually reached some comfort zone, or at least some stage of […]

5/26/2014 1 comment

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