I wonder now if it is impossible to kill the darkest part of yourself. I want nothing more than to murder the other part of myself, but sadly it is intertwined with the part of me that by necessity must live. My constant struggle continues in a blur of rage and suicidal desire. What is probably the saddest part of this tale is that I cannot simply “TALK” to someone about this. It’s not like I don’t know how to convey the emotions, or how to tell someone what is going on with me, it is more like an infection. I know better than anyone […]
Tag:
the world
Dear myself,
I don’t know if this letter will ever reach you. Some days I can only hope. Other days, I can only laugh at the very idea. If you are still around, will you have a good story to share? A good excuse for your depression? Because I don’t. All I can offer is tiny pieces of a picture so big it’s nearly invisible.
Remember the little girl who used to laugh and sing. She knew no real pain, no real evil. That’s when life was about sun, wind, trees and beauty. Everything was perfect in her world. I still remember she was the happiest kid […]
Hi, I’m new here. I suppose I’ll start with a brief reflection of my life. I apologize if my sentences are extremely scattered. Currently, I’m 24 and a bi-curious/bisexual male. However, being a closeted bi is the least of my problems… My problems started long before everything hit the fan. I was born a little over 1-pound and close to the end of the 2nd trimester. I had brain trauma from the birth itself which caused the doctors to never think I’ll walk or talk. Almost a quarter of a century later, I definitely defied their expectations. Yet in the eyes’ of “normal” society, I […]
Almost everything I do seems like a remedy for something already wrong in my life. It’s not that I don’t know what happiness is or haven’t experienced bliss at one point, but nowadays it feels like I’m merely living just to survive and for what I think is “right”. It’s like I’m contemplating the simplest actions every single time before they take place, even my thoughts feel like they are preconceived without my authority. I’m becoming more and more detached from reality, society, and people in general. I want to connect to the world, but there are factors that limit me, and I’m forever with […]
sometimes you know that you are nothing but a big joke for someone who means the world to you , the one that you see the light within his eyes
you are a big JOKE to him … you are a fucking joke to him a fucking nothing meaningless nothing a joke he laughes at then forget
and you are the IDIOT fucking stupid enough to still loving him and caring about him and living just wishig to have a chanse to be something to him
something more than that big JOKE
he gots all he needs in life why would he needs you
friends places to go to mother […]
I’ve come to believe that medication and therapy are nothing more than distractions and lies meant to blind people to the truth.
When I view society, it’s obsession with reality television, celebrities, and it’s influence on buying happiness, I see proof. When I watch the news, I see horrible disasters. I see people dying, people being murdered, people being slain. I see greed, pain, and suffering. I see war, drought, famine. And of course, what do they always do after these stories play? They find something trivial to distract you from the issues of the world. They tell you about Beyonce’s latest album, or some dipshit story about […]
as you all know I attempted suicide on Sep 4th of this year. And went to the psyche ward after being released from the hospital. after being released from the psyche ward, I was ready to take in the world. Unfortunately, it was all a mirage. I’m gonna write down a list of things they did to make things seem like it was gonna get better. They was great people and all, but they just don’t understand people like me.
I just went though a trauma and was forced into a psyche ward
we had a sense of community and constant therapy
I thought I made friends
the doctors […]
i dont want to hurt anyone , or remaind you of what you want to forget ..
some of us had been raped , and other had been used and saled ,others had a bad parents , or bad social live , or had been failure .. we all have something that is pushing us to the edge .. but we won’t fall
we might think that we have the worst life ever . but we forget to think about other people .. while we are here sitting infront of our laptops or mobile phones in our worm rooms ,, have the ability to eat […]
I feel as if death dictates our life in an indirect way. An example of this would being doing all of the things on a bucket list in fear of dying without accomplishing anything. Life is very fragile and temporary and we associate many things with importance since we know life would be meaningless otherwise. Science has never touched the realm of death and currently has no theory of what “life” is like after death. The only thing science can offer is the internal and external definition of death. I don’t believe in any particular afterlife so when someone close to me dies I know […]
My life is defined by fear. It is always there, at the back of my mind. It’s hard to live with. A part of you always telling you that something is terribly wrong, and you need to drop everything, this instant, to resolve the threat.
What am I so afraid of? There’s all the normal stuff, of course. Death, aging, disease, violence. But beyond that, I’m afraid that I can never experience a meaningful relationship, or really connect with anyone. That my life will always be this empty lie, trying to hide how worthless I am from those around me. Never facing the world honestly, or […]
The game starts off with a breaking news report that people from a small African country has contracted a new disease called Hypnolaria. It’s a 3 stage disease. The first stage causes people to come down with exitied delirium, hallucinations, and insomnia. The second stage occurs when the symptoms stop and go into a hibernation period. During this time, immunizing the victims is still possible. The third stage appears when the person becomes very ill and dies. During this final stage, the illness is airborne and will likely cause a pandemic that will wipe out the worlds population. By this time, there is no cure,
The […]
She stands there as the wind blows past her face. The rush of the air is nothing compared to that of her heart. Does this really excite her? Standing here as the world rushes by her, and thinking that if she took that step this could all end. Oh, she’s “okay” nothing terribly terrible’s happened to her recently and she has school and that lovely man waiting at home for her every night. So why does she stand here? Why do these demons infest her? Why is it that she can’t seem to stay happy anymore, or just get up and work. She knows what […]
I’ve come to the same conclusion as I did probably a good 15+ years ago. The guy I had loved so deeply is completely unobtainable. ALL MEN over 6ft tall and over 200 lbs are absolutely untouchable, unreachable and unobtainable. They all will only be with the skinniest, smallest, tiniest, anorexic looking women. He’s no exception. No one will ever love him like I could. To him, looks are what defines love. It’s love if he can get into her looks. I care, and hate to leave him on his own with what he faces in life, but he leaves me no choice. I’m too […]
i wish to know how he felt while he was taking my clothes off just to humilate me .. and kill the soul i was living with .. how he felt when he was rapping that heart inside of me
how he forced me to rape my heart too
how happy he was watching me crying and cutting myself
how happy he was watching me covered with my owne blood for what he have done to me
i wish to kill him before killing myself
but i am no killer
not to myself and not to anyone else
i am a strong girl
and always […]
Imagine if you will a dark room painted with light and shadow. Objects stand in various positions casting different images, but something is wrong. Shouldn’t the light cast the shadows? No, instead in this case, the Shadows are casting light. The objects, enveloped in the deep black have somehow determined to paint it with some sort of luminescence. But this imaginary construct does not exist, in fact, beyond being impossible, it is metaphorically maddening. Yet, this is the image of myself , of the tears , that fade into black , because they are themselves black , they are the blood of the world that […]
According to the dictionary definitions of freedom include:
a : the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action
b : liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another : independence
I been thinking a lot about these two definitions. Take definition A For example – when people denies your right to choose or passes legislation to prevent choice (especially in terms of right to die), isn’t that coercion? Isn’t that constraint in choice or action? Look at example B – isnt the human condition in of itself a form of slavery? We are restrained by the laws of nature, and […]
thousands and thousands of miles may separate us but we are all somehow connected in a weird type of way. nobody really understand us so we all find ourselves here writing as a last ditch effort to miraculously get saved. writing eases my mind and it feels as if the weight of the world somehow gets lifted off my shoulders for a hot second. but lets face it, this site is not interactive enough for me. really looking to make more friends who understands the struggles I continue to face day in and day out. so email me and lets vibe. email: splostgirl hope to […]
The boy sat alone in a dark room.
The world around him simply moved on.
The boy saw it happen, but he did not care to stop it
He had become a separate entity.
Something in the outside.
Outside
The outside was dismal, dark, crushing
He only returned there for the sick pleasure the pain gave him
He knew it was dangerous
He knew the risks
From the outside he watched home, and the world continuing without him
He saw it all and was almost content.
Almost.
He saw it, hell, he looked down upon the world he once knew
But the part of him that belonged there.
It longed to be home.
The boy realized his mistake.
He […]
She stands there, a broken heart. A lone soul stranded in a sea of emotion. Goddamn if she isn’t beautiful in it though. Her hair moves gracefully with the wind coming in off the lake. Normally she would have tied it behind her, but today such formalities seemed unnecessary. Her eyes seem as if they are on the verge of tears, but she is still beautiful. She is almost more beautiful for all the pain she is in. Her skin has tanned from hours in the sun, and her muscles have become toned from the hours she has spent sailing and maintaining her boat. The […]
I have been researching suicide for many years and you get the usual shoot yourself, jump in front of train or suffocation etc etc etc, however starvation is one that’s new to me and one a can totally get on board with.
I have tried suicide methods before and taken a lot of methods into consideration before shooting them down . For example my ideal method would be to shoot myself but I just don’t know the kind of criminal people that would provide me with such a thing. I’ve taken the train into consideration but my local train station is an end point no trains […]