I thought i would never see u again
i thought i barried u down deep
but your back
with that horrible feelings
ur trying to get to me
but it worked
u got me
and now im going to kill myself
happy i bet u are
Well good bye world
-brian
Tag:
thought
Lately I’ve been passing time by watching reality television. Before i never watched it and thought it was stupid. It is stupid and ridiculous but somehow watching rich white people is ridiculously hilarious at this point in life. Watched secret princes and am watching nyc prep.
Went to Baltimore a few weeks back, it was fun and nice to be out of my hellhole of a house. moving this week though art of me wants to give up. get up drink meds go to work get up drink meds, go to work. time passes and either way i must be getting closer to death.
Eating to pass […]
Anyone else ? I have been diagnosed with paranoia, Im a pretty crazy girl. I think extreme things and with mental illness it becomes hard to live, because people dont know why are you acting that way..they dont get it, I cried yesterday because i thought my friend was going to leave me, but there was nothing like that, im worried all the time, im taking medications to calm myself down, its hard to live like this, how do i act normal like everyone ? little things push me to suicide, i like the idea of death, i like how they put the dead bodies […]
You normal people do not know how it feels to be different.
It’s like being lost in a dark forest, surrounded by a heavy fog. You sometimes see lights casted behind the fog, but only barely. You tried to follow the lights, but even if it is leading you to walk in circle, you could only keep on walking.
No one hear you scream. No one hear you cry.
You thought you have reached the end. In fact it is only more darkness.
You normal people sometimes give us positive feedback, give us hope, but most of the time you found us strange, weird.
I am confused. I don’t know […]
First a few notices.
I know I must be the millionth person to blabber about how I’m too much of a coward to kill myself (though you might say suicide is not courageous) and I apologize for annoying you. You don’t need to read if your busy.
Now an introduction.
I hate my real name so just call me Mortimer (changing it to that someday if I can) I’m 19 years old from that small country Qatar that’s to the left of the UAE, might have heard of it. I don’t look like the people here, I don’t act or think like the people here, my interests and […]
Most days I want to end it. I don’t have a plan. I don’t dwell on a way out. I just want it all to end.
When I was 12 (I’m 30 now) I first thought about suicide. It seemed romantic. Maybe I’d come back as a ghost – if a somehow fashioned a guillotine then I’d haunt my house like Marie Antoinette. Maybe I’d get to meet god, the real god. As irrational as it sounds, I was curious about death – what was it like on the other side? IS there an other side? That being said, I was also looking for a way out. I […]
why do i bother aparantly im a lier whats the fucking point in shearing things in a place i thought was safe i give up
never thought id be back on here again. never thought id be self-harming again. never thought that id think of ending it again. never think ill be truely ‘okay’ again.
Very bad day. Holding on but its fucking excruciating.I feel burdensome and taxing to my kids… I can feel every emotional crime iv comitted or been the victim of inside my chest ,and I can see the bloody trail of abandonment ive left in my wake .If only.if only..IF ONLY ……….but theres no one for me anymore,and what right do I have to even imagine I can have another chance. Ive thought that once th kids are both in college,that I could be with someone again-but its delusional of me.Ive used all my chances up..I just want to walk out the door and into the […]
Hello everyone. A potential suicidal from Brazil right here. So, needless to say, English is not my primary language. I truly apologize if there is any kind of grammar mistakes on my reports here. Honestly, it is my first time posting something in a site such as this and I’m a little insecure of what to write here, but I decided to try and make contact and – I don’t know… See what happens. I don’t think it’s wise to keep all this torment to myself. If is ok with you, I would like to open up just a little… at least just once.
It is […]
So I guess I’m wondering if there is any difference in being dead in LA or NY. Not that I’m partial to either, but if I just go ahead and off myself in LA I would save a couple hundred for the plane ticket to New York. I guess I feel more comfortable in nyc, I know the area well and it would be nice to be there, something about the city I guess. It was the first place I really felt free. That would take a little bit more planning and less money to reimburse other people. Either way a hotel is pretty easy […]
No worth in putting up with bullshit just to save nothing but a pathetic little thing ready to be thrown away. I see a lot of people marking their leaving with their birthday. Well, mine is this Tuesday. Still stumped on what I should do. I only thought of it today. I almost have no motivation to even come on SP anymore. But my mind is clearer when i expel my muddled brain somewhere. And, well, if I’m going to do it, may as we’ll keep it hidden from the real world and be able to go through with everything more easily.
Many times have I imagined myself disappear like a bubble, and the memories of me residing in everyone who knows me will be erased as well as I vanish. It sounds silly, I know. I wonder whether anyone has ever had the same thought as mine. An ideal death is the kind that there is no pain to the deceased and no pain to the people who are left behind. I think my bubble theory should suffice. One can become vulnerable and strong at the same time for the people they love. This bubble has a longer life, but it is still a bubble. Its disappearance is just a matter […]
So I’ve had these thoughts before that I just want to go but this was years ago I mean like ova 5/6 years ago. These were always easy to understand that in a bad place bad times not happy etc.
Now all has changed, I have no issues in life or with people all is good, but now I feel at ease with it all.
Recently thoughts returned and I’m quite happy about it how at peace I am with the idea, the thought of going mostly puts me in a really good mood and crack on with the days work looking forward to later […]
maybe it’s just me, it seems like more and more I’m thinking of how I could kill myself, each passing hour is another hour of pain. sometimes I don’t even know what exactly depressed about, I just know I am. I found this site by mistake by searching ‘how to commit suicide painlessly,’ but apparently that’s impossible. I’ve thought about shooting myself but the odds of actually dyeing are slim; and I just cant bring myself to it. I have also thought about cutting it’s supposed to help. right? I just don’t know what to do anymore, it feels like I’m literally living just for […]
Being Alone In Bliss
You know the first thing i thought of when i held the household cleaner. Drink It. End it now. Finish it off. The first thing i thought of when i opened the cabinet above the sink, grab a razor; end it. I want to die so bad all i do is fuck things up. All i do is cause trouble and pain. Idk if anyone knows how i’m feeling right now. I want to leave my body. I want no use of my soul. I want to be dead. I’m in my closet crying alone. No one knows […]
It’s because all the evidence points to there being nothing after death, just an endless state of nothingness, not even unconsciousness, just nihil. Not even blackness, not even a thought, an absence of anything, thought, processes, colour or anything, no heaven, no hell, just an eternity of nothingness, not even darkness, just. nil. And most rational human beings know that no matter how loudly they pray or claim they believe in the magnificent sky fairy it doesn’t change the evidence one bit. Or alter the reality, that there is nothing beyond. And people find that hard to deal with. Myself included.
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hi all,
I stumbled across this site after numerous related searches…maybe it will feel “like home”. i’m turning 36 in 2 days and I never thought my life would be like this. I was always one of those positive people that said and believed things like “you determine your destiny” and “your life is what you make of it.” apparently, I’ve made a mess. it’s not that there is any one problem or even a list of problems. it’s that my whole life IS the problem. the simple fact that I exist and continue to exist is the problem. it’s beyond the point of “cheer up” […]
I haven’t posted on here in a while so thought I’d just give an update in the hopes it will maybe help others.
If you’ve read any of my other posts, you’ll know I was in a pretty bad way. I stopped sleeping and eating. I was in constant physical pain, had lost control of my bodily functions, was having hour-long panic attacks and constantly crying. I couldn’t go outside, couldn’t make phonecalls, could barely get out of bed. I would have meltdowns in public, screaming; had to have midnight trips to several hospitals. I was permanently shaking and on a massive cocktail of drugs […]
I honestly thought this summer I would be able t talk and hang out with my friends. My best friend said that no matter what I needed, she would be there for me. This morning I got in a huge fight with my mother, she threatened to hit me which made my dad step in and tell her to back off. I’m honestly lucky that he is there for me. But even though the fight was over, I still felt horrible. The things she said hit me like a bullet to the heart. Reality hit me, it hit me hard. I felt like […]