Today, after school ended, me and my friends decided to buy dresses for the debut of our friend. We decided to ride a train going to Tutuban. We paid and waited for the train. While waiting, I was lost in my thoughts. I remember the news I heard about a guy who decided to end his life by jumping on the riles while the train is near. I was so sad about it. I know how hard it is. Then I heard the train coming. I was thinking what If I do the same? What if I decide to jump like that guy did? I […]
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When I was a kid, I often watch movies or videos with characters who have depression. I was so sad when watching them when I was a kid. They look so desperate. So fragile. So scarred. I pity them. But I never expected that I would end up just like them. A scarred human. Like a wandering soul looking for a reason to live. I never knew that I would end up just like them. I’m still a teenager but I already want to die. If I had a chance to die without killing myself, I’d probably take it. I’m not a coward for running […]
It’s been awhile since I’ve written here. Things have actually been looking up. I told my parents through my counsellor about my self harming and suicidal thoughts. They were surprised, but I wasn’t chewed out like I expected to be.
Anyway, I’d thought that things would change. But I realise that they really don’t get it. They still don’t get it and I give up. My parents talk about my cutting as though it were a joke, especially
my dad.
My parents seem to have told my brothers about it, and they make fun of my scars. I mean, it’s difficult to stop thinking about it, but […]
hi my name is Santos and this is going to be about my suicide attempts .
My first suicide attempt was August 3rd I rememberthat threw that time I was going threw major depression I would always cut myself and I would always hear how my parents thought I was worthless and my dad just that day slapped me and I got really sad and went online and read threw my ask. Fm comments and most of them were really bad some would say u have now friends u dumb fuck or others would say u look like a pig so I […]
I’m here because I don’t know what to do now…
The easiest way to put his is to say that I am lost, tired and hopeless. Suicide has been on my mind for months now and the more I try to push it away the more it grows stronger.
When the depression started a year ago, I made myself promise that I would never ever, ever hurt myself.I love my parents, my family, my friends and the random people I meet that are full of life, kindness and appreciation. I also told myself that I am a fortunate human being. I was born in a poor country […]
As I feel closer and closer to the end i have a sense of happiness and excitement for some strange reason. I don’t know if it’s the thought of leaving everything behind and not having to suffer any longer or what awaits me on the other side. Last night I sat in my room looking at old family photos and it brought a smile to my face of all those happy memories but now so distant and forgotten. I’m just not cut out for this world never have and never will be, so what’s the problem in me just ending it all now? I have […]
Some of you make think I’m joking. Some of you may think im insane. But I have a story to tell. And it’s completely the truth. My personal experience. Some of you may curse me to hell. And some of you may just understand my plight. But I’m telling you now that i am not trolling you.
As a little girl, like most children, I had an imaginary friend. I would stay up at night talking to her and we would play games. She was a lot older than me, but that didn’t seem to matter because I was the only one who could see her. […]
I love someone infinitely and I think my love will last forever.
Yes, I’m bipolar. My moods swings too much these days.
Sometimes I’m so sad, sometimes I’m indifferent, sometimes so full of love, sometimes rage shows me the nightmare.(but mostly depression bother me.( my crazy thoughts were on bullet train for last few days.))
But it doesn’t matter how I am, I always believe in love peace and harmony.
It’s the only thing worth living.
But I’m so fade up with people’s fucking hatred behaviour. It runs so deep in them.
I can’t understand how can someone live with so much hatred in his/her mind […]
The most frustrating thing about whatever it is I’m going through is this oscillation, things start to improve in small ways and then something happens however big or small and I’m back to being low again.
New Years was one of those times, being home from uni means and the history i have at home means there are a lot more people i feel i need to avoid. All day i tried to focus on working on an eminent essay but was anxious about that night; where i was going to go and who i was going to meet.
i was in the pub enjoying drinks with […]
the thought of job hunting again and not being able to sleep are making me want to die..
I can’t stand being alive, I fucking hate it. I hate my family, I hate living in this house, I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without the thought of ending my useless self. When I wake up I’m in pain and even if I was able to fall asleep I get zero rest. Nothing gives me any sense of release. Cutting, drinking, smoking all make me feel worse. I’m so fucking alone. My room feels like a prison but its my only safe place. Only reason I haven’t tried offing myself again is because I know my dad would probably kill himself […]
I tried to sleep. But I couldn’t.
My thoughts are continuously racing in my mind. I can’t even sleep properly. I was extremely sad even in my sleep, even in my dreams.
So I wake up. And a thought came in my mind and I decided to share it. It was peaceful.
I know I can’t stop my suffering. I know this. I know there is no cure for me. But this is true that nothing is everlasting. Nothing.
Millions years ago dinasouras were here and now there are not. Billion years ago even earth wasn’t exist.
So here is the thing I want to tell you. I don’t know when, […]
Everything hurts. The woman I love, who I want to spend my future with, doesn’t want to love me anymore.
The thought makes me feel like I’m dying. I can’t breathe. And I can’t stop thinking about her, about how she doesn’t want to be with me anymore.
She’s my best friend. This feels so impossible. And I don’t know how to stop crying.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
She always felt like an outcast in her family and friends.
Mostly when she talks, its as if she’s talking to the wind. No one respond or indicate that they hear her.
She’s never been anyone’s first choice. Or second. Always the last resort.
People try to dictate what she should do in life.
She’s quiet and they thought her weird and dumb.
She’s alone. Even in the midst of people.
She’s lonely and no one dare to approach her.
She’s depress and no one care to help her.
She wants to die. The thought that lays beyond her laughter and smiles.
How sad her life is. If only there’s one person that might […]
I think I can move on. Like everyone says. I wrote and explained and tried… And I know she’s over me. Theres nothing to save. I tried.. Apologized. She said she isn’t sitting in her place sad thinking about how I lied. She’s not mad or upset. She good and doing fine. She asked since i know this too why I torture myself. I said I deserved it. I feel I do. Where i thought we had something she replied we were in two very different relationships. She don’t care. Thats all i cared about. But it doesnt matter. Makes me not want to see […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I failed.
I don’t mean that I’m a failure as a person or that my fiance leaving me means I’m not “good enough,” but that I failed to be the person that she wanted to be with, the person she felt she could be with. I failed to be the person she thought of as family, as someone permanent.
This is what hurts the most.
It doesn’t help that I feel like I’m the one left behind, the one who’ll take longer to recover (if ever?). She’ll go back to school this semester, taking five classes (although honestly, based on her track record, I suspect she’ll drop at […]
For a time there, I was wondering what I should do.
For a time there, I’ve been thinking about my future.
For a time there, I’ve thought about moving forward
For a time there, I started looking towards a different tomorrow.
But, that wasn’t it.
I let myself believe that it could be better.
I let myself believe that I would change.
Maybe because I’m weak.
and I’m wracked with crippling fear.
But I finally figured it out.
Right now, I’m only holding on to one thing.
When it finally breaks,
I already figured out what to do.
What I want to do.
It’s not today
Or tomorrow.
But.
I finally figured out […]
It’s impossible to explain the feeling of wanting to be at peace and that the only way your mind offers you the opportunity to obtain that peace is in death. It’s an unfamiliar feeling that’s become far too familiar, visits far too frequently and leaves you feeling far from your rational chain of thought. You don’t want to die, you don’t want to hurt those that you love and those that love you yet you can’t find the resolve within you to carry on. Each day is as painful, if not more so than the next. Regularly visiting the aquatic depths of depression that you […]