So I feel I have hours maybe even just minutes left to live in my life. I am to the point where days are not even possible anymore. I have given up. My body is done and my mind is done. I can’t live through any of this anymore. I have everything in place and all I have to do is do my first step and then the last step that would finish me off for good. At this point I feel the only thing or person that could stop me is that one girl. Who I thought I could trust and tell everything to, […]
So, it has been a large number of years since the first time I wanted to be dead. Gone. Not here with all of the drama and BS that i have been unable to escape since i was born. However, last night, i was for some reason given the chance to see just one small part of the insanity that has plaqued my friends and family for years. The light has been turned on! They must sit by and watch this “person” that i become, verbally bash them and make them feel like shit.
I always thougt they were lying.
Now with that light turned […]
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on,
‘Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven.
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I’ll find my way
Through night and day,
‘Cause I know I just can’t stay
Here in heaven.
Time can bring you down,
Time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart,
Have you begging please, begging please.
Beyond the door,
There’s peace […]
Oh its been so long
So very very long
Since the last time
I talked to you
About everything thats going on
I know I’ve been vague
I’ve been mysterious
But I have to keep things
Feelings thoughts etc
From you
So you don’t worry about me
But maybe it’s time
Time to tell you how I am.
How am I?
Physically?
Sore.
I feel broken.
I’ve got a few scars.
Yeah from that.
I don’t know how to cope.
I thought I could manage
I guess not.
How am I?
Mentally?
Terrible.
Awful.
Horrible.
Every day criticism.
Yelling.
Slapping.
One of my lights went […]
There should be no time. I should not continue.
It’s been about 9 months since I’ve posted anything. I wish I could say it’s because things have changed and gotten better, but that’s not the case. Things have gotten worse. I’ve started cutting. A lot. Very few people know. It’s easy for me to hide it because I do it on my thighs and stomach. The only person who knows that I know in real life, is my boyfriend. He has depression and has been through tough times too, but he’s never done anything like this. I feel bad, because I know I’m ruining my body for him, but I still can’t stop. It’s […]
It’s been a while.
I went through ups and downs and now I am actually on the final leg of my journey. But I feel like I shouldn’t be.
How did I get this far? Time passed by so quickly and I didn’t even get the chance to realize it. I feel like I am at this level, but I cheated my way here. Most of them are so much smarter than me, picking up all the points when I’m here still figuring out why the square peg won’t get into the circle hole.
They all look at me and say “wow, there’s a person who got it […]
Somebody told me today to write three paragraphs about something that would make me want to stick around.
So here it is. Â And it might come as a surprise:
To stop being selfless. It’s the only thing that has even slight potential to want to make me live. I realized that I’ve always done things for others. I was always there for everybody else. I always worked to please others. I made sure to take anybodies problems on to my own shoulders when I could.
Then the thing I realized that’s killing me is . . . guilt. When I can’t make things go right for anybody I […]
I was born in broken home. My father was an alcoholic. He is clearly a psychopath without having any sense of empathy. While being alcoholic he tried to kill my mother. She born me sometime around that. She compensated her broken marriage with me, she got me emotionally overattached. She made me sexually uncomfortable by talking about sex. She severely abused me.  Once a week she was crying, screaming, shouting at everyone. She was coming to me and saying things I couldn’t even remember. She made me cry and she didn’t stop there, she just kept going and going. She was screaming she was going to […]
Time flies faster than I could ever imagine… =_=â€
Anyway! Goodbye Winter so long snow, Hello Spring it’s time to watch flowers grow… I love this both seasons. ^_^
I couldn’t post on time because I had some problems with the internet.
I’m new to this, so how do I begin? How does one simply begin to tell their story? Perhaps I’ll wait. Share little by little. My story is too long anyway… And it’s probably really boring.
I guess I should introduce myself, huh?
I’m Ciara, I’m Irish and I’m 15. What more can I say? Should I go into detail here?
I guess I could tell you a little about myself and about why I’m here.
I’m a writer. Obviously not a professional one. I mean… I am only 15… And I’m pretty terrible at writing. But I enjoy it. That’s all that matters, I guess. When I […]
To help alleviate some of stress lately I decided to make a post on this site. Â I’ve been struggling with depression since I was a young kid, and it’s finally come back in full force. Â I’m currently a sophmore in college trying my hardest to enjoy life but everything I do just seems to end with me wanting to put a bullet in my head. Â If I had a gun at home, I’m not even sure if I’d be here right now.
It’s amazing to me that I’m still struggling with depression. Â I recently received a full ride scholarship and have almost no social anxiety. Â It […]
Time is ticking away on my deadline because I’m going damn near insane. Yet I make every excuse to stick around and to hope for things to get better. What a fucking waste. I’m at a point where I satisfied with dying. I still don’t feel like I don’t have much to live for and I’m wasting away (it feels like it). I can sense the slight frustration my mom is having with my unemployment (it’s been a ***** to find a job). Two degrees + debt = biggest waste and regret of my fucking life. I understand her in everyway. I turned and looked […]
your thoughts?
I met God On the edge of town
Where the wind meets the stillness
Where the darkness meets the light
Where the ocean meets the sky
Where the desert meets the rain
Where the earth meets the heavens
On the edge of town I met God
I asked God
Do one thing for me
Send me back in time
Send me to Seattle
Let me go
Find Kurt Cobain
Take away his gun
Take away his bullets
Talk to him
Make him wanna live
Tell him how we love him
Help him see his glory
God Said No
If I sent you back
If you […]
How do you actually know if you’re a living with depression or not?? Yeah you read up on it but how do you actually know. Only recently I’ve had thoughts about killing myself again. Had these thoughts in the past but never gone through with it. Like HOLY FK could my life get any worse now? no money, no savings, filed bankruptcy, a car that needs fixing and now it’s being reprocessed, a gf who wants to leave overseas (but really who would blame her for leaving) it’s in her best interest she leaves me cause I’m just nothing wasted space.. Can’t make the right […]
This isn’t really something I usually do, I’m more of the “bottle it up” kind of guy, but I really need to get this out and Google led me here as an appropriate place to do so. It’s up to you if you want to read all this, but at least if you do, I have some validation of my efforts. Which I imagine would be nice.
Well… here goes.
I should be happy or satisfied enough really, shouldn’t I?
I mean, I did life right. I left school, got a steady dead end job and got myself a place to live independently. In this […]
I’ve had quite a few people get intouch with me so far, the conversations have been great, but I’m wondering who else is out there?
I’m a 21 year year old guy from the UK. I have anxiety, I get depressed, and I have suicidal thoughts. I don’t normally talk about my own issues, though I’m always upfront with others, I’ve found it easier to talk deeper about said issues with someone that actually relates, but I would also like to talk about other things, I guess it depends on whoever contacts me. I don’t care about your gender, I’m panromantic, not that it matters. I […]
It’s 12:01 am. The sweat on my neck causes my hair to stick to the back of my neck. I’m lying in bed. I’m lying to myself. I tell myself that I’m ok. That things will get better. Just give it time. But how much Time? Time is a valuable thing to me. I only have so much of it.
It’s now 12:05 am. I wasted 4 precious minutes typing. 4 minutes ill never get back…
Now it’s 12:10. I’ve been writing for 9 minutes. And yet I feel no better. As a writer shouldn’t this make me happy? If not, at least a tad bit […]
How do you live when you feel like nothing exists? Like everything is really pointless because were all going to die anyway. Feeling like life has to be a joke…that things cant possibly work like this. Nothing ever lasts, every moment has already passed and theres not a thing you can do to get it back. And it all hurts so bad…that the very short moments you have…your sickness wont even let you enjoy, so you feel your just living to suffer, living just to hurt. Feeling like life has to be a joke that theres no way that your so alone with billions of […]
Lyrics to song I pretty much jus stayed up all night writing..
Oh and uh.. *All Rights Reserved*? haha.
* Rapped
When was the last time you breathed?
I mean honestly, fully, whole heartedly took a breath?
When was the last time you took a stand?
I mean verbally, viciously, fought for something you believed?
When was the last time you fell in love?
Fell so hard, you found yourself unwilling to even get up?
When was the last time you truly cared?
Thought about somebody else, not the person in the mirror
Self-centered, self-ish, but sophisicated
We pride ourselves in all the wars and the domination
But what’s the point in killing other beings created
Like ourselves? We’re just […]