Just hurts today…ya know?
I got fired today . I honestly feel better . I got fired because I was late . & this is my first time being late . But it’s whatever . I could care less . That place is fucking toxic. I feel like everyone there bully’s me. So I don’t care . I feel like that place was really bringing me down . I need a new environment and new people .
I hope to make a change in my life
My weekend so far has been okay besides last night when I pretty much cried myself to sleep. I honestly couldn’t tell you why I did that. Is that weird or like odd? But the good thing was that no one was home because it wasn’t a very good break down. It lasted for a few hours. I had no internet/TV, or family around so I guess the quietness and loneliness got to me? I’m used to loneliness in my house but quietness I can’t deal with lately. I’ve noticed I’ve been listening to music a lot more just to make my house seem more…alive.
Besides […]
i find some days my desire to fight for life is almost nonexistent. Like today, I really just want it to be over. I know I have to now because I feel like it’s to close to the holidays. It’s like I’m committed till at least the first of the year now. š I just really hate everything
Hard day yesterday. Cried a lot. I usually hold it in for a month or two and then it all comes bursting out. It sucks but I always feel much better the next day. I was listening to JJ Grey and Mofro’s song Sun is Shining Down and it triggered me. I’m not religious at all. I think it is the powerful emotion in his voice.
so i mentioned in an earlier post today and i try not to post more than once a day. but i thought i was fine after i swerved off the road and spun the car and whatever but im not. im fine physically. but i had to go in a car for a half hour twice today and the first time i was just trying not to cry, and i thought it was because of all the terrible shit happening in my life recently and the fact that i was going to come back down on thursday and see the one person who i know […]
so my family is suppose to be going to a christmas concert today. yesterday when i was driving home some asshole swerved into my lane which made me swerve and lost control of the car and i ended up spinning out the car. i landed in the bushes and the most i have is like whiplash. then my aunt called my dad today and told him that my cousin committed suicide. i was never close to this cousin. the last time i saw him was like 2 years or so ago. he was in the military and was in iraq so everyone is just saying […]
hi my name is magnus i have went with depression being socially out and much more today i have gotten help but i feel that a childhood were i dont remember much else than a few good birthdays here and there othervise just alone bullied and allways fighting the other kids in constant paranoia when i was 8 to 10 years old had anger mannegement issues and all but after a depression i today at the age of 17 only just started at the age of 15 to feel happy and free from depression my doctors and parrents say that i prolly did not really […]
I have a friend today. And that’s all that matters to me in this moment. Im so scared. I just want an escape. I just want a friend to hold me. I just want someone to be there for me. I just want closure.
I talked to one of my favorite musicians on fb today about a certain song he made talking about his struggle with depression and suicide. Turns out that he still battles depression. This reinforcedĀ to me the fact that I can still live out my dreams even in the face of depression coz this dude still makes music and tours the world to spread his art regardless. I am inspired. š Oh and the title of the song is “Dead Dreams” …
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I can’t take it any longer.
Are you home alone today? I am.
Do you hurt? I do.
Is it over? Yes
Nostalgia: Part 2
Sometimes thingsĀ come up that remind me of my childhood or mostly my teenage years and it makes me more depressed. And it’s not because I had a horrible childhood (it wasn’t great, but others had it worse), but whenever I’m “taken back” to those times of my life, I automatically compare it to now. Usually what reminds me are old games no one plays anymore or popular music I remember beingĀ released and it played nonstop on the radio that no one knows anymore.Ā Like those things I grew up with and still love to this day.. they don’t matter anymore. If I go up […]
Nostalgia: Part 1
The other day, a song came across my iPod that I haven’t heard since high school. At first I was like, “Wow, I love this song. It’s been so long since I’ve heard it.” Then it reminded me how much simpler things were for me then. I didn’t have as many responsibilities, my depression wasn’t nearly as bad then as it is today, etc.
ButĀ when I hear a song I listened to after a fight with my parents, friends, or after a breakup, I would start feeling that pain again. I would remember how much I was hurting and it was almost like I […]
Despite nearly trying to end my own life again last week (without even posting on here, I might add, my head was a little too swimmy to form sentences) I feel strangely alive today.
Maybe it’s just because I finally mustered up the willpower to wash my hair for the first time in two weeks, because I am a disgusting human being. I just found it difficult to do much, so I didn’t wash my hair. But I did it today, and I feel strangely good. More like a person now, rather than something that lay there doing nothing.
Maybe it’s just because I’m not […]
Well, it’s simple and maybe stupid but today’s my birthday. I’m 22. My friends and family forgot about it, like every year. My best friend and my (now ex) boyfriend totally forgot it too. I have been sad since September, 2014. Recently I have been even sadder. I have been considering suicide but I don’t want to make people feel sad, but I can’t do this anymore, I’m always crying. I’m scared of myself. There’s too much going on. I really want to die. Thanks for reading.
PS: I know this is stupid, but it’s not the main problem, I’m just too sensitive right now.
well, another day and somehow i am still here, Seen this girl who came into my work place today, and for 3 years that i have known her she claimed to not be able to walk or anything. She WALKED into the shop. why does she get to walk when i can barely? It’s not fair. This is another reason I don’t want to live
I’m at a bar right now eating some good ass bar food listening to fleet wood Mac and in this moment I just realized I am happy . This food is so good and I’m content . Today was good for no reason . I’m happy.
All I can/could think about today is suicide. I’m so sorry loves- I had a beautiful idea of what I could write for all of you to enjoy but my soul seems to have shriveled up. It’s all I can think about- all day long. every minute of every hour. I’m sorry loves š I hope you all had beautiful days today.
today is hopefully my last day in this world, i have money now so i can start to prepare everything and do it tonight after work. You are all great