I haven’t cut myself in a long time. And tonight. 5 mins ago. I did. And I realize how much I missed it. Idk if I’m fucked up for that. But idk. I don’t care I guess. Every day I picture myself dying. Dead laying there. I don’t have to feel pain anymore. And that’s the ultimate goal. I wanna be happy. But I’m not happy being here.
Tag:
tonight
I have a feeling tonight is the night. So if it is, goodnight and I wish you all the best for your futures. I appreciate all the support tou have all given me but I dont think it was enough. Robert Frost once wrote the lines “and miles to go before I sleep/ and miles to go before I sleep.” It seems I have finished travelling the miles. So now I may sleep.
– effy stonem
I had an horrible night tonight… Among other things, I dreamed i was locked in psych ward, trying to escape… And finally a friend helped me to commit suicide… Weird, but it’s not the first time dreams like that have happened.
Throughout this dream i knew i was dreaming…In some may, i could decide what i wanted to do or not, as in real life…It’s what i call “lucid dreams”. But everytime i had these lucid dreams, then I’m suffering from false awakening. I felt trapped in the dream… With no way of escape from it and wake up.
Everytime I try to wake up, i […]
I don’t know how I do it. I think I’m different from a lot of people on here. I’m mostly happy. I have a house and truck and a cat and a business. And a wife. She means more to me than anything has ever meant to me. We’re so good together, the perfect team. Except we fight. A lot. When I get passionate about something I really dig in my heels and so does she so we clash. I have a temper, a bad one. I’ve been blowing up at people when they push me as long as I can remember. I work on […]
If it is to keep your life. No warning, i’m pulling a major trigger tonight. Last year 2014 (i know its hard to remember that passed) on september 11th as survivor of war left her suicide note here. Her note ended in the most hurtful self loathing lie that anyone could tell themself. This person’s handle here was trippylikenirvana. The tale she tells so clearly of her most early traumas are left to haunt us not by the images they bring forth in our minds, but by the utter cloud of confusion that formed around her after. This woman experienced a trauma early in life […]
Well its official im the biggest loser in Houston! In a matter of 3days ive lost everything I love in this world! I lost my job, my gf and my son bc I couldnt find a stable living arrangement! And not bc I couldn’t afford it but bc of my record! So after blowing money for a cpl mos on hotels my family got fed up and left me alone, broke, homeless and miserable! Im so heartbroken right now! The pain I feel inside is unbearable! Im so worthless! How pathetic must I be to not be able to house my family! This has shown […]
This is me tonight. The guy I like went back to his ex. I was going to ask him to my friends party on valentines day. Guess I don’t have to now. I’ve been up since 4am crying my eyes out and it actually caused me to throw up. How great-.- It’s like I seriously can’t stop crying. I don know why. I mean I knew he was going to go back to her. It’s just I haven’t tried this hard for a guy in a while. It sucks.
Hello everyone. I am here to ask for your council. All I want to do is die. Today, I have the means to possibly accomplish this but I don’t know if I should try. There are so many factors. First problem is, I’m supposed to work tonight and all weekend. If I carry out my plan, if I were to fail, I’d be completely out of it for days. That’s another problem; failing. If I fail I’d be sent to a behavioral health unit. There are two reasons I don’t want this. One: I’ve been in them before and they don’t work (plus I work […]
I just want to sleep and never wake up. I’m a single woman in my thirties with no significant relationships other than my parents. I’ve tried to have friends but things just don’t seem to work out. I have nothing to offer people anymore. I’m to depressed. I have no children to worry about either. I have no job. I have nothing. I’m planning on wrapping a few things up and writing a suicide note for my parents sake, then taking all of my pills tonight. No one knows, no one would even care anyway. Life means nothing anymore.
I was encouraged by impefertluck to write tonight.
There are so many people hurting and so much pain. Know you can get through your personal struggle and hurts. It can often seem like you can’t. Feelings lie. Maybe that sounds pretentious. Feelings lead us to conclude things we never would have if the feelings hadn’t been so strong.
I have dealt with my depression for over 20 years. I had counseling but no one listened to me when I talked about the pain of my family life so many years before. So, instead of understanding that the depression came from a situation I had no control over, […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OA1Xvgauffc
Let me begin to say that my stomach is in knots. Just the thought of killing myself makes me want to throw up, yet all I think about is killing myself. The fact that I will never be happy and “normal” (if you must use that word) again frightens me. I want to get better so badly and yet I am still the same person who won’t ever do well in life, I am always going to be the person I have always been. A monster, a monster is the best way to put it because I scare everyone and my sadness and feelings I […]
If only I was well, I can leave it all behind.
I am not, I’ve been robbed of my life.
My project gives me anxiety, it overwhelms me. Talked to more people, getting more people involved. They don’t know I am suicidal and very depressed. They don’t know that I need to give up. They don’t know that I will fall apart any moment. The truth is, I don’t think I will make it to finish what I started.
I don’t want to die, but I can’t live a life without a future. It pains me so very much that I have to give up […]
i tried and failed I guess I didn’t have enough ********. I got to see my daughters for 45 min they hugged me non stop and told me they loved me so much.
I will try again tonight and every night till I get this right I don’t want to hurt anymore and I don’t want my kids to cry anymore. I pray that God will take me and save someone else, it just needs to end. Why can’t God see I am done he is suppose to have mercy, maybe I am so worthless even God himself doesn’t want me!
It has been a long time that I postpone killing myself for a week. But I want this to be over. Since I failed to overcome on myself I feel that I should finish it tonight.
I’ll be back to see your comments. If you have anything that can prevent me please share them…
Leaving this world tonight. Gonna pack up and try somewhere else. This illusion’s crumbling. I saw myself in the mirror for the first time. Little grey mouse.
Wish me luck
Now I take a pill to help me sleep… I pray my thoughts, away; they keep me up all night, worse than the nightmares I fight I just want to rest. Please, just one night.
And as I drift, into the dark… My fingers numbing, my mind’s light just only a spark… I’ll rest easy tonight, because this kind of sleep… It makes me free.
(I’m under the effect of sleeping pills at the moment -ONLY the dosage my doctor told me to use when I feel restless- and this came to mind, sorry if it sounds stupid, I think I’m about to pass out)
Thanks for your comments; as usual I decided to postpone my decision for a night. But I know it can not work. I am 23 but I really I feel that the future does not need me and I don’t need it. The worst thing is I lost all my believes even in God. I am in middle of nowhere. I am studying in a foreign country, even I cannot see my close friends and family. Nothing good is not happening around me. I think the time is coming but not to heal my wound but to create a worsen one……………………………………………………………………
Thanks for your reading.. I […]
Hi there,
I spent the past 3 or 4 months feeling suicidal, I attempted 3 times, the last time being a month ago. I had to have my heart restarted and spent days in the hospital and days after that being seen by specialists. The thing is I was so certain I wanted to die and that if I didn’t succeed somehow I would try it again. I even put in my note that I would try it again and again until I succeeded. But something has changed, I can’t explain it, I don’t have suicidal urges anymore. I don’t even think about suicide… at least […]
Four years and I have felt nothing but anger and hate for the world and the people around me; until tonight. Tonight the passion died and with it my will to fight any longer.
I am trying to find the guts to cut myself tonight. I have never done it but thought about it often. I am scared of the pain but feel like I need a release.