A constant force of remorse and transgressions.
I awaken each day to another level of hatred for myself. I don’t want to wake up anymore. A definitive motion of loss.
Shamed. I am shamed with the undignified soul of one not meant to stay here. I know I won’t be missed or mourned. I feel the loss becoming me.
Tortured mind is the one I have. No more reason to stay.
Exhausted in the task of waking. Weak in my heart and soul.
I will leave the light tonight.
Why can’t I be left alone why I cant be just left alone . I am once again being tortured by every one my mother my father my in laws im tired… Im telling my self not to cry … Every wants to control my life …..my husband dosent want to go home because of my parents …I just cant be left alone cant tell them I wanna go to utah becuse there gonna flip why why why . cant cry stop it . I dont know what to doo so lost ….cant even get a chance to fix my life …..Im not a big […]
Anyone else being targeted with directed ” projected ” audio that has given them mental disorders and psychological damage ? Everyday , even at night while I am trying to sleep I am mentally tortured with this technology. I wonder how many people have lost their sanity, freedom or life from their mental health being attacked like this. Watching those TV shows about ghosts makes me curious as to howe many of those people have been victims of these crimes. ( that violate international treaties ) .
This horrible , inhumane targeting of a human beings rights are being done with malice and intent. No way […]
I want to try something, for all of us. I recently sat down with my therapist and essentially explained what I was going through when I am depressed, considering suicide, making the plans.
After I was done, I felt so much better. I told someone exactly how it felt being tortured inside. And I want you all to do it here.
Write a few sentences (short might speak the loudest). Find music or a work of art. Make a video. Anything that calls out and resonates deep in you, and share with the world what it’s like.
Let me start out by saying this:
“Depression is sitting under a scalding shower, trying […]
Why was I made to be the ugliest person on earth and to be tortured with knowing the love of my life who I can never be close to because I’m too ugly???
I’m not suicidal, but I don’t want to live. If something naturally happened to end my life I would be relieved. I feel like my entire life has been one disappointment after the other. I feel like people shouldn’t have kids if they can’t look after them. I feel like my parents shouldn’t have had me, it was irresponsible. I feel like as a general rule, people are selfish, and through that I have been abused and irreparably damaged. I used to be so excited about things and life and was such a happy kid, but I’ve been through too much now. There is millions […]
I’m 20 years old. I’ve been tortured for so long now. I cut all alone my arm vertically but they stitched it up. I overdosed on medication but they took out the poison. I need something painless and quick but I live with my girlfriend and don’t want to have any evidence of my future plans. ideas?
I remembered laying against your soft naked breast. We cuddled at the Deadly Muppets theme camp for what must have been 6 hours. I didn’t realize how fast the time flew by. The sun rose and I had to leave you. I didn’t even know your name. We just lay against one another for so long. That whole weekend I spent falling in and out of love. It couldn’t have been the drugs or alcohol, but my desperation to find someone to fill that dreaded empty feeling digging deeper and deeper inside of me. I’m so confused. I think I’m gay. I only have these […]
Throughout my life, I’ve been torn down, thrown to the side, laughed at, tortured, and just been made out to be a vulnerable girl. In Elementary school, I was bullied about my weight and appearance. In Middle school, I was cyberbullied and forced to have intimacy at 13. When I got to high school, I lost someone I prayed I wouldn’t lose; my own mother. I watched her become diagnosed with colon cancer and heard it spread to her liver. She hung on until I was almost sixteen. With hospice by her side and my family, I watched her pass away. I still have the […]
When you get to the point where there is no relief, and all your brain does is torture you, it is time to get the fuck off this hell hole. PTSD I would not wish on my worst enemy nor the constant anxiety and dark bad thoughts. The sexual abuse of children is a societal evil society denies. I cast God into the tormenting hell he put me in, and lock the door on his sadism. God doesn’t give a fuck about me. I cast out my father’s evil voice and these GD demons, b/c they are no better than God. They are worse, but […]
Everyday I get up and I go to work or I clean my house and all the while I’m faking a smile.
It’s not much but it’s hard and it’s leaving its mark.
I pretend I don’t hurt because that’s what they deserve, but the pain never fades and my guilt only stays.
It doesn’t matter how hard I try to atone for my sins because the slate can never truly be cleaned.
There’s this pit in my stomach and my conscience is grim.
How can I be happy when you always remind me of my sins.
These transgressions pull at me and when I’m […]
We wear the mask that grins and lies, It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,— This debt we pay to human guile; With torn and bleeding hearts we smile, And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be over-wise, In counting all our tears and sighs? Nay, let them only see us, while We wear the mask.
Wiki Social Avoidant Personality Disorder & there’s my life.
I have a genetic predisposition to social anxiety, as my dad told me he almost joined a monastery for this reason. I have early childhood emotional neglect from physical abuse, verbal abuse, & hours of forced solitude. Absent father, he was going to college. I have extreme peer group rejection, lost almost all my highschool friends right after due to an incident with ecstasy.
Everyone thinks I look OK. That’s because I’m good looking, I’m healthy because I know cardio & lifting reduces stress, as I have anger problems thanks to both genetics & upbringing again. I’m great […]
As I breathe deep and clear, even though you’re there I feel alone. I stand waiting as I’m here wandering capturing the capacity of everyone’s joy and laughter.
Though the key to myself is lost. I can’t live as before, where it was easy to become a friend to someone.
As I open my eyes I’m slowly becoming tortured by the way I feel with myself. How do I stop becoming this way I ask.
One day though it will become better as for all of us.
I am a whore. Or at least I used to be. I can’t forgive myself for my past. My wife has a past of her but she doesn’t give a shit. We are shameful people. We gave ourselves away and now there’s nothing left. I tried God. Called out to him many times but never heard anything in return. I’m not depressed or anything. I’m just tired of trying and failing. But I don’t even have the guts to kill myself so I just live as a tortured soul. I’m miserable. I need to get it over with.
I want to die. No, I want to be brutally And painfully tortured and murdered. This is how much I hate myself. Everyone else pretty much feels the same way and there’s a reason for it. I’m a completely unlikable person. A mess that could never be loved, pity is not even reserved for people like me. I’ve even turned the person I love more than anything in the world, my best friend, my ally, my partner, completely against me. He can’t even summon up any type of positive feeling for me. I feel so lost, I don’t even know how I’m still alive. He […]
This world is a dreadful, putrid place, where parents destroy the hearts of children, babies are stolen and murdered, schools are shot to shit, people are belittled and berated, and innocent animals are tortured. I often ask myself what happened, why has the world come to this? And people don’t even take notice to the horrors of the world, it is like they are blind. They say ignorance is bliss and I suppose it is. I watch people and I think of squirrels, they run around so blissful and free, unaware of the impending doom of the approaching car. We are not blind. I have […]
the raven colored hair
falls upon her smooth face
the once warm and inviting eyes
are now shedding tears
dripping dropping ever so quickly
pittering pattering in her lap
as she curls up in a ball
wanting so badly to die and go
she opens up her mouth
and sighs ever so silently
she goes to speak to tell the world
but the room is dark and silent
will anyone hear her silent pleas
alas they will not because
she will mask them and hide them
hides her tears from the world
puts on a fake smile to mask her frown
looks down when passing […]
I’m 19 years of age and in need of  a way out of this world. I just can’t deal with the stress and hurt any longer. Sure it goes away for a few days maybe even weeks but this horrible feeling come back with vengeance all the time. Even more powerful and even longer than before. It’s always on and off and all I wanna do when I feel that way is sleep because I can escape. I’m failing college and loosin all my friends one by one. I am truly alone. My parents would flip if they knew I was failing, and more than likely […]
Why are we treated like fools just because we do what we do to our selfs let me tell you if only you knew how it felt but then again what do I know I’m insane I think of people getting tortured just for fun and guess what I’m doing it to them but let me tell you whose next your next
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