Tag:

trying

I want to die

by rainyday 11/17/2015

written by rainyday

I move from time to time from different feelings and emotions. Today I am having another bad day.

I cannot kill myself because I made a promise that I will no hurt me. Because if I do it I will condemn the people I love to pain. Because there is not a method that is not painful. Because trying could bring more pain and no even the death.

I do not want to continue living, life does not make to much sense for me. There are really no difference. Because no matter what this pain will never go away. I do not know how to explain the […]

11/17/2015 9 comments

Trapped…

by longwaydown 11/16/2015

written by longwaydown

I am currently 20 years old and feeling trapped in a life I do not want to lead.

It all starts with myself when I was a couple years younger, just always trying to impress my parents, trying so very hard to make them proud, and just being a nice/happy person. I chose a career field, that I absolutely despise, to go to university for to please my parents. They have constant control over my life. Looking at my grades. Making sure I am doing well 24/7. I do not get along with them. I have dreams of traveling the planet and not be so close […]

11/16/2015 3 comments

WHAT DO I SAY NOW? – PART I

by serenityseeker 11/14/2015

written by serenityseeker

What Do I Say Now? PART I

I don’t really know how to go about saying what I need to say to all of the people that I need to say something to. Honestly, how do you say that your sorry for killing yourself to all of those that you love and care about; when it was a truly selfish and self-centered thing to do, but it really was what you wanted at that moment and that you are still somewhat bitter about the fact that it was fucked with and you failed at because someone decided they knew what was in your best interest better […]

11/14/2015 1 comment

Human Touch

by Mike Rowedick 11/13/2015

written by Mike Rowedick

I was 21 years old when I visited a local Doctor who was well known as the guy to see if you wanted anabolic steroids. I explained to him how I had been training and trying to change my body as I had no confidence in the way I looked. I explained how I was not confident enough to ever have a relationship or go on a date. He asked lots of questions and I admitted to having panic attacks when I would go out to clubs with friends on a Friday or Saturday night. I felt […]

11/13/2015 30 comments

Tonight

by A_UserName_ 11/9/2015

written by A_UserName_

Been trying to end it. all night. By using a scarf tied tightly around my neck and trying to sleep or just laying in bed, To suffocate, go unconscious, then finally death. Does anyone think this will work eventually? If I can make it tight enough. I can feel all the blood rushing to my head and it gets hard to breath, but I somehow get thru it. Any other simple ways to suffocate self to death. So desperate for an answer need to die tonight

11/9/2015 5 comments

A sadness that just exists

by alina_01 11/8/2015

written by alina_01

There are certain triggers that will cause an overwhelming feeling of sadness. It doesn’t last very long but I feel it, I remember it. I have a relative who is sick and dying and I don’t have my life together so I can take care of them. I get so damn angry at myself I should have been done with college and had a good job by now. I’m going to school entering my senior year next semester working 2 jobs trying to stay a float with my tuition. I think I’m going to get a loan next semester and focus on taking my relative […]

11/8/2015 2 comments

Half-asleep rant

by Trix 11/6/2015

written by Trix

Hello all. 🙂

I tried to keep this short – and failed. I just needed to rant. Not about anything in particular. I seriously need some sleep, so please forgive any bad writing.

Today I used my wheelchair for the first time. It’s on loan for six weeks. Who knows, maybe in that time I’ll get outside more and it’ll help me start to feel less depressed. I’ve been so much worse lately, and I think spending more time in the house and with relatively little natural light has caused a lot of that.

This evening I went to a local light-themed festival. People make installations, play music […]

11/6/2015 21 comments

How Do I Stay Positive

by tteia 11/6/2015

written by tteia

These past few days I’ve been trying to stay as positive as I can. Thinking positive thoughts, trying to smile more (even if I don’t feel like smiling)But, it’s getting harder and harder to keep smiling, when all I want to do is the exact opposite. I try to say positive quotes in my head but it’s like my negative thoughts over power my positive ones, and I end up listening to them. How do I stay positive, when my mind is trying so hard to fight me? How do you guys stay positive? What makes you smile, when you’re depressed, and have no hope? […]

11/6/2015 6 comments

i don’t know.

by tteia 11/5/2015

written by tteia

today, was bound to be a horrible day. i woke up feeling like a failure. thinking about my future. I know I’m young but please don’t bash me about how I’m feeling. I was thinking about me graduating, and how everything’s gonna change. everyone’s going there separate ways, and everybody will be happy, then I think of me, how everything’s gonna just get worse for me.it always seems to be so great for everyone else, but when it comes to me it’s a whole different story. I feel like the universe is out to get me sometimes. And it’s just so overwhelming. I’ll be […]

11/5/2015 1 comment

I should just finally end it

by abisslover25 11/5/2015

written by abisslover25

I have had a horrible day. I’m laying in bed with my method beside me. Today a guy sent me a message asking for nudes. When I wouldn’t send I was sent a message saying “alright fatty, whatever you need Jesus”. People are so cruel and I can barley keep my head above water on a good day and on a bad day I want it to end and tonight I am trying to list every reason I shouldn’t end it. I will never just be a good enough person for anyone.

11/5/2015 10 comments

My Skin is Writhing

by iicookieii 11/4/2015

written by iicookieii

I can’t breathe, I want to scratch, claw, rub my skin but I cannot. I’m starting to crack open and the uglyness is starting to shine through. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep together this facade of normalcy. I’m breaking down in tears and lashing out at people around me, throwing things, wrecking things.

I’m trying to keep things smooth and yet I’m not sure how much longer I can possibly stay here on this God-forsaken planet when everything inside me is falling apart.

And yet I’m trying to take deep breaths, trying to breathe, trying to hold on to any hint of rationale. Impulsivity breeds […]

11/4/2015 2 comments

I’m Sorry

by thelost 11/4/2015

written by thelost

I’m Sorry

I just want to start this off, by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you in the past, and for all the terrible things I’ve done to you. I can understand if you hate me. It’d be a lie for me to say that I’d be okay with that, or able to accept it, but when I say I’d understand I mean it. I’m sorry for having feelings for you this summer, and complicating things between you and C, I’m sorry for kissing you, I’m sorry for being overly dependent on you, I’m sorry for trying to kiss you […]

11/4/2015 2 comments

Empty..

by FreakOfNature 11/3/2015

written by FreakOfNature

I just feel so empty..I’m so tired of the same bullshit lines.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s a phase, it’ll pass.”

“It get’s better.”

It doesn’t fucking feel like it. Nothing will ever be okay. I’m just a waste of space and I have no purpose on this planet. I wish I could just disappear. I wish death was an easy process because this life doesn’t seem worth living. No one honestly gives a shit. I tried to reach out for help but I’m just laughed at. Ignored even.

“You don’t even have anything to be depressed about.”

“Just get over it.”

I wish it was that easy. I hate feeling this way. I […]

11/3/2015 3 comments

I have no one to talk to

by kayladanger 11/2/2015

written by kayladanger

I have been planning to kill myself for a few weeks now.. The only reason I haven’t yet is because I am trying to figure out a way to ensure my mom won’t blame herself.

I don’t know what I am hoping to achieve by posting this. I have tried to tell people, I guess kind of hoping they will talk me out of it.. But nobody seems to understand. I just get the generic ‘things will get better’, ‘this will pass, you’ll grow out of it’. Well I’ve been waiting to grow out of it for years now. When do you decide to stop waiting?

11/2/2015 10 comments

Are you ready for the last act.? to take a step you cant take back.

by Bouret.1 10/30/2015

written by Bouret.1

this song …..
this is about suicide, this is about me, trying to take that step…

10/30/2015 3 comments

Is therapy a good place to decide whether to live or die?

by thehusk 10/29/2015

written by thehusk

I’m thinking about going back to therapy/counselling, as a way of trying to resolve my suicidal thoughts.

It’s not so much that I want to change, more that I want to clarify what I’m living for, and if that’s really a good choice.

I keep telling myself that suicide would be a terrible thing to do to my parents, and that my life’s not really that bad, but all it takes is a few days at work to make me miserable, and I start feeling like I can’t go on anymore. It’s become a weekly cycle.

I guess I’m looking to resolve those conflicting feelings – either to […]

10/29/2015 9 comments

excuse my rambling tonight

by onlyoption 10/27/2015

written by onlyoption

so my boyfriend is on a family camping trip and thus has no signal all week, my other friend is in Iceland seeing the northern lights, everyone else thinks I’m better. I have no one to talk to when I hit that dark darkness for all of half term, stuck in my bedroom all day and night studying and trying to stay sane. so I’m just going to type here like I have verbal diarrhoea. last night I had a panic attack and was paralyzed just lying on my floor, I couldn’t even drag myself into bed. the night before that I made myself a […]

10/27/2015 2 comments

What are we doing

by maddie_kay 10/27/2015

written by maddie_kay

We’re all going to die anyway. Why talk about our problems. They mean nothing in the end. There’s no point in trying to connect with or help others. There’s no point in doing any of this meaningless crap. We’ll all just cease to exist one day and our bodies will either be burned or put in a box and then put in the ground. We’re all going to disappear one day and nothing that any of us do will matter. There is no point to any of this.

I think the great majority of us on this site has realized that life is pure and […]

10/27/2015 6 comments

Indy video game concept – EUTHANASIA QUEST

by wndozh8er 10/26/2015

written by wndozh8er

The concept is to experience the lives of people who are suffering and trying to find the peaceful pill. It’s suppose to be a positive propaganda game with a deep meaning. A first person adventure, perferrably on a VR Headset.

You get to choose your own adventure based on your own personal experience – you can choose a mode were your severely depressed to the point that’s untreatable (this is were you break out of the psyche ward), a terminally ill individual who is in severe pain, a doctor trying to obtain it for his patient who wants to end there own lives, or trying to […]

10/26/2015 7 comments

p(r)etty death

by KayLassiter 10/23/2015

written by KayLassiter

i am gone, i am condemned
i am small, effortlessly
(i am dying — effortlessly)
there is very little left my bones
are here and go unnoticed — why
is the beauty passed over
if human eyes
are drawn to beauty why
are my hip and collar bones ignored
by you in bed and out
you do not look, you do not see —
you do not care
but you should.
if you care that i breathe you should care about my bones
they are my handle on the world — i hold
my hips to stay grounded
i am trying not to fall
and […]

10/23/2015 3 comments

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