I don’t know why it’s so hard to survive in this world. It’s not fair. The rich people live easily and they don’t have to worry and I have to struggle every damn day. It’s hard and I’m trying to carve out a path for myself. Sometimes I wish I was never born. I think it might’ve been easier. I don’t have to struggle to find full time work, I don’t have to pay bills, and I don’t have to worry about anyone. When I think about it I think I’ve suffered from depression on and off for a long time. I’ve contemplated suicide on […]
So very many times I’ve tried to just lie in bed. To not get up. To not walk to the bathroom. To not grab the razor that hides in the cabinet. So many times I’ve failed. So miserably failed. Relapse is a normal part of recovery, I know. But how many times can you relapse before you’re no longer recovering anymore?
On the 4th of July I relapsed. I’ve been struggling with self-harming for almost 6 years and drugs for almost 3. My mom’s been having problems with her boyfriend of 5 years and has been trying to get him out of our lives since he does drugs and only thinks about himself, so on the 4th that was the first time we’ve seen him in a month? So he was trying to act like everything was ok, but he drank a 6 pack and started acting stupid like always, so we went to go drop him off. They argued the whole way… was feeling really […]
I don’t even fucking care anymore wooo, I will never stop drinking, never ever. So much for that bullshit Effexor therapy I was trying, made me feel even worse than I already do. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m on a warpath until I die and nobody out there in the world better fuck with me ’cause I don’t have shit to lose.
Today I woke up and felt like dying. This isn’t unusual anymore. It took me a while before I talked myself into pulling back the duvet and putting on a shirt. Everyone thinks I’m fine. I smile and try to laugh, but laughing seems like a pathetic attempt at breathing lately. I’ve felt so alone, even in a room full of people. I hardly see the point of carrying on anymore. What’s the point of trying if I’m going to die anyway? I like to think of myself like a glass vase that someone dropped. You can pick the broken glass up and glue it back […]
It’s ironic, really. I helped people for most of my life, be it in person or on the web, trying to get them to rethink their life choices, telling them it’s all right, and that suicide isn’t the answer. I guess now I know how they felt when the foot is on the other shoe. I truly am weak, pathetic, and stupid, and I have just proved them right.
I will be ending it shortly tomorrow. I have made letters stating my amends with all individuals I have wronged in my life and a goodbye letter to my love. My worldly possessions will be given away […]
i finally got a new girlfriend after so long of being broken and alone, i moved away from my parents after being kicked out and abandoned, now i actually have a roof over my head, i’m applying for the army and looking for work, i’m started to talk to people again despite my server anxiety but still besides all of these things i still feel like i’m the same. the same as i use to be like i’m empty and still have nothing iv been trying to understand why i feel this way but i cant seem to come up with a reason as to […]
You used me
I didn’t mind
At the time
But now
You don’t even
Say hello
You never even
Said goodbye
For me
It will never be over
Because you didn’t
Give me the chance
To let go
And So I sit here
Hopelessly waiting
For you
I keep trying to talk
But you just turned away
And left me
Why did you have to go?
Why didn’t you let me?
Effexor really does kill your sex drive which is fine by me ’cause it’s not like i’m getting laid anyways. It kinda masks the loneliness feeling away, I don’t even care about being with someone. But seriously trying to jack off takes like 40 minutes and sometimes I don’t even cum o.o. This is on 75 mg a day I wonder what it’s gonna be like when I’m on 225 lmao.
My life is crumbling right before me. It seems as if I’m in a dark hole grasping my fingers in the dirt trying to crawl out. I’ve always been a manic-depressive, but it’s getting to be to much. My fiancé of two years just left, no reason, just saying he was done. My job is barley standing, eventually it will shut down. I’m so young and I should have so much to look forward to, but I’m not seeing it that way.
Sometimes my life gets so fucked up but i learn from those fucked up times. I thought i couldn’t handle it and i even tried to cut my self, but by the end i realized that i’m just being weak and coward and trying to get away from my problems. I’m so glad that i encounter those problems because if i didn’t i will be still weak and coward.
I know that my problems before is not that big compare to the other people, and i know […]
Since my last (serious) post, I made this pic and put it as the wallpaper on my phone. It’s a question to myself only. The point was to see if it felt right or wrong or somewhere outside of that. Having sat with it for a couple of days, I’ve accepted it and thought it felt good. I always wanted to go out close to or on my birthday, but last winter was too fucking cold and I said I want to be comfortable when I do it. With that said, I feel like I’ve lost a best friend. It felt like we were really […]
I have been depressed or feeling unloved since I was 5. I am 57. I am alone. Never been first in anyone’s life. Let me be honest, I am not anything in anyone’s life. I am seriously damaged. I have never belonged. Never been loved. No one even wants my love with no strings. I can’t even make one friend on the internet. I am a loser. I have screwed up everything I touch. I hurt constantly. Told to be myself and when I am. They leave in a day or two. My sister hasn’t talked to me in 23 years. Other kin don’t care […]
I want to die really. I turn to people around me and tell me I should work. how can I have ambition if everything in my life sucks. Im ugly , I’m going to die alone, why continue? im tired. I hate being me and I want to get out of here. I really do.. im trying to see the few good things I have but its hard. I want to hang myself its the only way I could do it
Well I’m currently struggling with alcoholism, I love it so much and hate it at the same time. I’m trying to think of a way to regulate or cease consumption of it all together. I know from experience I just can’t have a “couple of drinks”, I’m an alcoholic, it’s never just a couple. Can’t drink only on weekend because it just starts to extend into the weekdays. I have to stop. But how am I going to stop? I guess I’m gonna have to wean myself off, my current concoction that I usually drink is about 12 ounces of whiskey/gin/ or vodka, and about […]
dear fellow readers
I am trying to find some pills that will help me fall asleep to death. However, I do not know what sleeping pills are strong and how many i should take in order for me not to wake up? Do you have any suggestions what kind of pills I can take. I want to take some pills that i can easily buy from the store without a prescription, however I am willing to buy pills over the counter. Just need to tell me how i can convince my doctor to prescribe them for me.
yours truly,
danylost
It’s been a few months since ive wanted to commit suicide and been depressed and each time it happens or cycles i feel closer and more at peace with going through with it just have to be nice about it and fix my funeral expenses. When it happens i wont be mucking around i will down a few downers down some alcohol and choose my method which should be pretty peaceful.
I came to this world with lots of drive and motivation and somewhere along the line got caught up with the wrong crowed from school and got caught up in drugs and alcohol. 10 […]
I don’t understand why I’m so freaking depressed. It actually frustrates me so much how ungrateful I am of all the good people, opportunities that are surrounding me. I am a physically healthy teenager, not bullied (just teased a bit by friends), surroundef by an amazing support system (family), an average student with B grades, etc.
Yet I always find myself at night trying to or contemplating suicide. It’s like clockwork; I can’t sleep so I just think to myself. One second I’m thinking about all my ideas for summer, and the next second I find myself thinking about stabbing my chest with a steak knife.
Before […]
I’m so tired of pretending to be someone I’m not. Everyone thinks im “The life of the party” and that im bubbly and happy. But i hate going out, i don’t like being around people, I’d be perfectly okay with being left alone to lay in bed, go to sleep and never wake up again. I’ve had my ups and downs, but i can’t pick myself up. It’s getting hard to fake the smile and I think my friends are starting to notice, I don’t want them to notice that I’m unhappy, I don’t want them to think that they have to help. I’m not […]
I’m crying..
Worked myself right into an anxiety attack
I’m trying to move out
The high months on rent scare me
I can barely breath
And I’m crying ..
Help!?