I tried hanging myself, did an overdose of prescriptions. Tried everything and I am still alive. Is it because I am too scared to go far or is it because I don’t really want to die. I wonder why life is so horrible. I am really religious. I used to think that God planned out our futures. I used to that God controlled everything. I used to think that God had the ability to make you happy but he doesn’t. If he really does have that power, why doesn’t he end my life right now. That would make me happy. If God meant for life […]
Tag:
want
Guess im depressed although I don’t feel sad most of the times, just sadness tries to peek thru sometimes. I guess im depressed mostly  cuz I just don’t want to get out of bed, or eat. Realy don’t want to do anything.
Just lay in bed an keep thinking how someone that I loved an cared about and completely trusted  has destroyed me. and made me become someone i don’t even know anymore. And keeps trying to destroy what is left with lies and words. I know that this is driving me insane an there is nothing i can do about it
I can catch the person in lies […]
I don’t want to be here anymore
I tried messaging and approaching girls on dating sites in various ways and I have only failed so far. They either didn’t respond or we exchanged a couple of messages and then they didn’t respond. One even deleted her account after we messaged a few times -.-
Can you tell me what you would want to hear from a stranger if you were on a dating site? I mean, it doesn’t really matter what you write in those first few messages; meeting someone in person is way more important, that is when you really get to know each other and can decide whether you like the […]
For those females that are considered UNATTRACTIVE by males, they do NOT understand how lucky they really are!
Beauty is NOT a blessing. It is now just one BIG CURSE!!
If one is a beautiful female, one will REALIZE that finding a straight or bisexual male that genuinely likes you for your mind and soul and NOT your body is very hard!
As for gay males, they do NOT like beautiful females as they are JEALOUS of them, since straight males( whom they highly sexually desire), WANT attractive females and NOT them.Thus the jealousy they exhibit towards beautiful females is what makes it IMPOSSIBLE to have a nice […]
ive fucking had it. it’s 9 am. I’m tired as shit. i have more shit to do than i have time to do it. i don’t even fucking have time for a social life. I’m doing everything i possibly fucking can. all i want to do is graduate. at the top of my list. stop making my life so fucking hard and miserable. my skin is the worst it’s ever been and it won’t get better because I’m so fucking stressed. he keeps me talking till fucking late as shit then i have to get up early. i don’t have time for this. he doesn’t […]
I’ve spent the past 35+ years in a depressed state. Something needs to change before it is to late. I’ve contemplated suicide more times then I can count even went as far as planning how and when I would do it. But I couldn’t pull myself to do it because I didn’t want my kids to grow up without a mother. And I didn’t want people think of me as weak and selfish. I hate the image in the mirror. I’m tired of putting on a brave front. I sick of crying myself to sleep. The loneliness is suffocating my soul. How can  I teach […]
Covering your ears to prevent the assault of my screams
You don’t want to acknowledge the betrayal
Just the self righteous smile plastered smugly on your face
Now it’s time for the tables to turn
Time for you to feel how badly this burns
Through my heart, through my soul
And now that all is lost, especially my self control
I want you to know my pain
I want you to feel it dripping down your face
I want you to taste it on your lips
I hope you like what you see
Because you’re the one that did this to me
I have been having those thoughts again.The bad ones.The ones i dont want.I feel useless.Unwanted.I just wanna dIE.Disappear.Become nothing.
Thank you to the people who give me advice,, here on this site,, you have no idea how many times it has acted as some kind of wake up call,, but I think I should mention that I don’t reply because I don’t want to turn this into a facebook type feel,,, that probably wont make any sense to anyone but anyways… thank you- you know who you are…
Change starts from me and then we go from there,,, but what do you do when you keep relapsing into the old “suicide is the answer” routine,, its one that I seem to fall into quite easily,, […]
What do you think about sex?
Do you want it?
Do you satisfy your sexual desires?
Your sexual desires, are they bigger than your suicidal thoughts?
I personally think that sex is something really irrational and disgusting, at my age (17) I think I’ll never do it.Naturally, I have sexual desires but I refuse to satisfy them.I know I’m going against my nature.I have suicidal thoughts almost all the time, but eventually I suddenly start thinking about intercourse and for a moment I forget that my life is a crap…actually I think that life itself sucks.
I wish I were asexual.
I feel like I’m moving through molasses.
Everything is drawn out so unnecessarily. They’ve been telling me for years that we will be moving, whether we want to or not. We don’t have a choice in the matter, thanks to the bank owning our house. It’s like waiting in a state of constant anticipation. It’s exhausting, really. So I shelve the thoughts and trudge forward. It’s not like I can predict the future or change what is inevitably going to happen. I’ve had to accept it and press on. Yet, it remains a small weight that I carry around on my chest.
This attitude has been a […]
So these dreams that I have they are all from that voice I hear and shadow I see. All these dreams of gruesome murders I hate it. They don’t stop first it was Adam even though he passed that thing uses him against me in my dreams. Then my dad he passed away so much blood and gunshots that from that day I hated loud noises. In my dreams he makes me remember everything that happened that day. Then my cousins brother I forgot how he looked but I remember he committed suicide by hanging himself. So in the dreams he has a blank face […]
So i get blamed for everything when it comes around my friends. They fight they put me in the middle they stop talking “omg its all your fault you shouldnt even got in it the first place” um excuse you ***** youre the one putting me in the middle of this shit so how about you fuck off you fucking ****. Relationship ends they tell me to help them cause they dont what to do i tell them straight up facts of why it didnt work “omg youre not even helping dont even try anymore okay even if i listen itll end and its going […]
I’ve finally decided life isn’t worth living anymore, and that I’m going to end it all. I really have no family, no friends and no purpose. I am the scum of society. I just want the pain to end. I’ve been consistently unhappy since I was 12 and lately I’ve just gotten worse. I don’t want to talk to or be around anyone. I can’t even think or interact because I’m in a constant fog. I’m quiet and I didn’t used to be. I’m having no creative output. I’m worthless. I guess maybe this is a last ditch effort to have someone actually care about […]
Things are fine until you fucking bring it up. Don’t want me to die in the house? Fine. I’ll go somewhere else then.
I need to push them away… but I don’t want to at the same time…
by sleepxdeath
written by sleepxdeath
Once again… I feel like pushing people away. Fought with myself a few times recently… I tend to forget, but when I do remember, its hell for me. I am terrified of that same feeling. Having others makes promises that I might actually break it. Just for there best. Just to protect them. I can’t do this anymore. I’m suffering even more. It feels like everything was just a waste of time. Like a pathetic dream that never occurred. But it did happen.
Everything good always dies. And I really despise that feeling.
So lately all my friends want me to help them with relationships of their own. I don’t know all the answers sometime and thats what usually makes me feel bad. When i can’t find out how to help i feel bad i cry and just go on a rampage. One of my exs still a very good friend of mine started to tell me to focus on my own relationship. For some reason i never listened but now a days all i try and do is be there for them. But then my so called friends make me feel like crap cause im not helping […]
I think I’m on the verge of having an anxiety attack right now, I need to write this down to calm my nerves.
Just when I think things are going okay, everything goes downhill somehow. My classes are going all wrong, I can’t concentrate on my studies, I’m scared of even walking in the streets, I feel watched, observed, I feel inferior to those and everything around me, though I know I’m not.
A few months ago I stopped speaking to a “friend” of mine after she threw another of her little stupid tantrums on me, we’re 18 years old, I’m not a little girl […]
i don’t want to feel for you. i wish i never met you; right now it’s impossible to rid myself of all the memories and conversations we’ve shared. you saved me once from ending my life permanently, but i can’t rely on you for happiness. yet you’re everywhere i go. i can’t avoid you. i don’t want to feel this way. i don’t want to love you. i don’t want to be an appendage to you; i’m trying to break f r e e . i don’t want your actions to determine my happiness.
how do i get over you???? please get out of my head