I’m sorry
I panicked
I didn’t know what to do
I promised you something
But I broke that promise
I feel bad now
I couldn’t do it
It’s difficult for me
To do that action
And now I feel bad
But I don’t want to bring you down
And I don’t know how to make it up to you.
I just
Panicked
I’ve never done that action before with someone like that
And I didn’t know anything about it
I broke my promise
And
I’m Sorry
Tag:
want
Really sucks when you tell your family that you are suicidal and the first words out of their mouth is “you’ll burn in hell”. WTF!!! That’s the furthest thing from my mind when i’m holding the razor blade to my wrist. She did not even ask me why I want to do it and still hasn’t. That was over a week ago and I saw her today and told her again my suicidal urges are growing stronger. Even told her about my dreams I have been having where I go to my own funeral after I commit suicide. Still nothing. I am not telling my […]
Sometimes I feel as though I bother you with all my personal problems. I feel like I annoy you.. I don’t want to add stress on you because you don’t need it. I just don’t know what to do. It’s either you or the internet. I’d choose you if i knew for sure you could handle it.. I just don’t know what to do…
On Mother’s Day I wrote that I wanted to wait until my daughter turned 18. I don’t want to check out while she’s so young, but I don’t see myself holding on another 6 years.
Forgive me, for I have sinned..
I have committed acts of lust
I have committed acts of hatred
I have committed acts of theft
I have committed acts of homosexuality
I have committed acts of pride
I have committed acts of greed
I have committed acts of gluttony
I have committed acts of lying
I have committed acts of being agnostic
I have committed acts of feeling suicidal
And here I stand on two feet
Waiting to be struck down
To burn, to live an eternity in Hell
I may be a sinner, but won’t my good deeds in this mortal life do anything for me in the afterlife?
Will I stand at the gates of Heaven, and fall into […]
I learned today that NFL cheerleaders only earn about $70-90 per game, “elite” ones earn more. They only make $1000 to $2,500 per season, more if they make public appearances. That really surprised me. I guess it’s like being a cop or a firefighter or a teacher. You do it because you like it, not because you want to get rich.
I still remember how boring and empty my life was before i met him , and how when we started getting together it was just for fun ,wasn’t planning to ever fall for him or think the way im thinking right now ,i fell so hard i was ready to do anything literally ANYTHING ,and then he slightly started to back off ,its like he did that in purpose he just had this need to kill someone mentally for no reason ,he just left me without saying anything after he started to act mean ,i know he’s not mean i just dont know why! He […]
I am young but have had the misfortune of having so many illnesses and ailments. At this point, I just want to die quickly and painlessly. Â It’s not that I want to die- I just don’t want to suffer for the rest of my life. Â Physically, I am fucked. Â What I have isn’t all going to go away and get better. Â So why prolong this endless pain and suffering?
I hate my life and I hate my cruel fate. Â I’ve already been made to suffer for so many years. Â Why must I suffer more?
I don’t want to die, but I also don’t want to be alive. I don’t want to be here. I’m not suicidal, I just wish I was erased from the memories of family and friends. I wish I would forget everything that ever happened to me and maybe I could start a new life.
I am still able to laugh and enjoy things but when I’m alone I cry and hope that maybe I will be erased from existence. I sleep when I’m at my lowest because the pain becomes too much, I take comfort in the fact that once I’m sleeping there’s a chance I […]
I just recently discovered this site and have been reading through the posts. I am amazed at how young many of the authors are. Being a teenager was not a lot of fun for me but I would give just about anything to be able to go back and try again. To once again have the opportunities of youth.
A friend of mine is constantly joking with me about how old I am. Although she is almost 30, she is quite a bit younger than me, more than 10 years anyway. Even at her age there are opportunities available to her that are no longer possible […]
Before I throw it all on this table, let me begin by telling about myself maybe it’ll give you a bit of perspective.
I was born in the early 90s to mediocre town I northern finland. My ‘family’ consisted of me, a father, a mother and an older brother. Travelling back there in my head sickens me. My childhood, if you can call it that, consists of bitter memories of my father ripping my hair off even from a slightest, honest mistake, like filling the dishwasher in a wrong way, or hitting me so hard that my ears rang just because i’d gotten a bad […]
broken
i feel broken
i feel in pain
all i want to do
is be numb
so i cant feel the pain
just be numb.
I really dont feel like i have a place in this world.. i was born to die young.. I just know it. I always think of myself and i cant do anything righ, i cant help people in any way.. I always push people away from me its pretty bad.. I just really dont have a talent. Im not smart. I cant write stories i cant sing i cant cheer anymore i messed my knee up. i cant help people out. i just cant do anything right. I dont want anybody to pity me thats the last thing i want.. if anybody watched the twilight […]
I want to fall asleep and never wake up, I lie awake at night thinking of nailing my door shut and I don’t know why, I aspire to do great things but in the morning, all I can see is the futility of it all…
The blessing of the condition is that you can have the grandest dreams, the curse of it all, is that you will never see your dreams realised because they are too unrealistic…
I’m due to have my lithium levels checked. On the one hand, I hope it comes back as too low so my medication gets pushed up…on the other hand I […]
I think I have come to the conclusion that my social awkwardness has gone so far as to affect my relationship. I just can’t seem to communicate with him. I tried talking to him again last night. No extreme drama from me this time. Well at least I don’t think. Anyway, I told him that I just felt like a huge failure and that I can’t find any good worth in myself. I have been hearing from my mom for many years how she almost died giving birth to me and how her pregnancy with me was just terrible because she gained over 40 pounds […]
It’s one of those mornings that you wake up. Wake up numb. Numb and empty. I can’t even make sense of my thoughts right now, because there are none, but, at the same time, too many things are rushing through my head.
I feel nothing, I feel loneliness, I hate myself for missing him like this. The numbness stabbing at my heart. He’s done enough, don’t be stupid.
I woke up with that feeling of knowing that your voice might break if someone makes you talk right now. But I don’t want them to know I’m dying little by little inside, fear and insecurity taking over me.
Stare […]
You ever feel numb inside and you just dont want to anything, Â you think about how many people you have hurt you know that you put them through so much pain. You know inside that you should just find a way to get your mind off of things but you turn your music up but your head phones on and all you think about is dying. All you want to do die. Lay in the road…JUST GET OUT OF THE WORLD.. Your ex text you and you just want to cry.. You just want to grab your blade but then you remember you flushed them […]
I have posted this before but I can’t find the post
Guess I am to stupid to find my way around here. How do I find my post again?
Would you tell me about hight again, please!
thank you
• I’m really annoyed, I can’t take this any longer I just can deal with another person telling me there problem when I have 10 billion of my own already , I was called fat today, and ignored flicked off and all this shit but that’s part of a new environment rigt ? Well I hate this new environment , everyone is way different from me, our cultures way different they’re high class I’m middle which to them , is low. And it’s like i literally moved into that one movie of highschool with the mean cheerleaders and weird shit but seriously what the fuck. […]
So, I’m about to return to school in a few days, and I’m supposed to contact my counselor upon arrival to set up our first appointment of the semester. But I’m torn. You see, I’ve already gone way over the “limit” of visits supposed to be available to students, so I am beginning to feel like I have no right to continue going. Plus, it’s been almost a year of consistent visits, and at this point, I feel like I just talk in circles, but my level of depression remains consistent, even despite changes I make in my life. I am trying so hard, but […]