I feel like a half person. I feel totally incomplete and fake. I am living life, waiting for the next day, waiting for happiness. I feel so fake. I am at a job that hasnt really started yet, all we’re doing is training. And i feel like everyone there feels things, has energy. I want that. And im in a relationship where i feel selfish because im not sure i actually want him, i think maybe i just want a person to listen to me or to talk to. Im in love with my buddy who i hook up with sometimes and who loves me […]
want
I’m in one of those moods where you don’t want to do anything but you want to try to be happy but nothing’s working.
I just want to disappear. I’m crying. It hurts. I’m sad. Suicide? No… I can’t think of any excuses or simple solutions. I don’t know how to raise my voice, speak up .. I’m too scared… I wear a mask everyday, a mask where the smile never fades and the eyes of a 14 year old girl light up bright. In reality, I force myself to smile.. I think too much. Sometimes I feel like if I didn’t exist everything would be a lot easier for my mum especially… then I realise there are many cases around the world. ugh, this world. My home is […]
It happened. Worse than ever. I lost my shit.
Sobbing in the bath tub, snot and tears and drool mingling with the water, mumbling over and over for two hours “I don’t want to die… I don’t want to die… But I can’t do this…”
I’ve never felt such anguish, I feel like I have emotional cancer, I’ve never felt this way and it scares me so badly.
I don’t want to die, but what if it’s worse next time? What if it hurts so bad that I just end it all?
What if I go to hell for giving up too soon? I know not everyone is religious […]
I feel nothing. But at the same time I feel everything. Basically all I can think about is committing suicide. I just want to disappear. I want it all to be gone. I don’t understand what goes on in my mind. I want to be gone. I’m sorry mom and dad. I know I said I would never kill myself I just have to. You want me to be happy and by doing this I will be happy. It’s not your fault. I know I should be greatful for all that I have and I am but all those things don’t make me not want […]
Well, I finally got it. I received financial aid and I can go to school now. I felt happy for a few hours, but then I started thinking again. Thinking about what I actually want to do with my life and the truth is I don’t want to do anything with my life. So why go to school? I actually love school because I can learn new things and not think about my pathetic life, but what’s the point. I don’t want to be here anymore. Why should I go to school and pay thousands of dollars to get a big paying job when all […]
This job did its job. It took me some to understand what has fallen through. I was freaking out initially because such changes always seem terrifying at first. I recalled a post of mine where I wrote that I can’t follow my way because I have to bear the burden of sustaining my body/ I feel obligation towards my parents/ I hate society and can’t help influence of people while interacting with them. It now seems that all these things were direct or indirect products of my not having a job. I am saying that because these things are vanished now, I no longer feel […]
Its to much to bear. I’m a terrible son and a horrible friend for turning to this. My life’s been going down for awhile and I just want to end it. I know when I go I’ll go to heaven but are there any Christians on here to talk to. Or just people who know what I’m going through. Plz respond
All my darkest fears rise into the light
Out from the cold place I left them deep down in my soul
I laugh I cry then soon i want to die
Forgetting what it’s like to live
Not knowing how to love life
Repeating this sad cycle
Breathing the same shitty air
Death would be living
This hell we call earth is rotting
I cry tears no longer
I cry blood like 1000 needles pierced my eyes
Caterpillars no longer turn into butterflies
While flowers no longer bloom
My screams become faint
Nobody hears me
Nobody cares
Because nobody’s there
I’m already dead
So.Next week I’ll have my final and the most advanced exam. So I know it’ll be little hard. I’m depressed and I can’t remember many things. But I know I will pass with just low grades. But, when can I do what I love to do? I hate this formal advanced education. I’m facing exam that I don’t want to be. I won’t be who I wanna be. I’m forced to do my family wanna see. See you later people. I just do best as I can. Hopeless what to do next..
I need more help but I’m scared to ask for it, I’m not talking about seeing someone I think I need to be admitted. It’s just I’m so scared to go and when I get back everything will be different. I know if I go I’m going to be just like my dad, I don’t want to go but if I don’t I’m afraid I’ll do something to myself. Just how do I say I need to go to the hospital?
I know I’m not pretty because many guys have left me for other women. My former fiancee constantly contacted prostitutes and denied it, posted pictures of his body parts online and to other women, and told me it wasn’t him. I’m being treated like I’m stupid. My boyfriend just said that I take credit for other peoples’ work, but he also told me I was fat. He talks about other girls’ butts and how smart they are, but whenever he says anything about me, I feel that it is fake. I’ve never done anything to deserve being loved in this life. Everyone else is married […]
I use to be haunted by my dreams and thoughts. Now I embrace them and love them because I always die in them and they always offer peace. That’s all I want. Peace. I’m not scared of death, I’m scared of what comes after death. I’m starting to just deal with whatever happens afterwards cause I’m done with this life. I think I’m finally getting the courage to hang myself. I’m trying to learn how to tie a noose. The thing is, I don’t care about me. I care about random strangers that are on this website that feel like me. There’s a whole website […]
I’ve attempted suicide over ten times.
I’ve never been raped or lost someone close to me to death. I’ve never been homeless or starving. I’ve never run away or snuck out.
Instead, I’ve smoked and drank. I cut and I burn. I think about my death often.
I remember when my parents found out how suicidal I was. My mom laughed and then continued smoking and my step father joked about keeping me away from his tools. They never put me in a hospital, and only took me to therapy once.
They put me on a bunch of meds, […]
The thought of death is soothing. I don’t want to die but I’m afraid of being alive. I’m afraid I’m never going to get out of this. I’m afraid of everything and I want to be alone for a long, long time away from everyone. Everything feels meaningless. Even loving or helping people sounds meaningless. I can’t find a point. I’m tired of trying.
a lot of the time I don’t even know why I’m feeling the way I do…is it my past?
i can just wake up and just feel like I want to die…I don’t want to get out of bed I stay in the dark no tv or anything and turn my phone off….
some days r good tho and I can laugh and smile then it’s back to this dark place….
i don’t like living like this I want to escape it and the only option seems to be suicide….
i don’t see any other way.
My life is complete shit. People love to say they give a fuck but as long as I can remember I’ve had a bad life. I’ve been abused molested bullied then I was finally a cool kid in hs but nobody knew I always was super depressed at home and I would do drugs and drink to cope but my mom never cared what I did. Then I dropped out of school….my mom never protected me from being molested she always turned the other cheek just like my sister even tho it’s her husband who did it. Then my mom said she didn’t want me […]
Even though I just made this new account I wanna start out with some personal things because I can’t tell anyone face to face these issues.
Here I go, I have been questioning my gender for a couple of months now.
Since last July I have had a deep connection in a weird way with the LGBTQ+ community. I watched the Fourth of July parade and for some weird reason I cried. At that moment I realized I was bi.
Skip to January of this year and I start to see people at my school who are genderneautral or trans. I didn’t get it but then I realized […]
i need help doing this.. i cant kill myself on my own no matter how much i want to. the pain is just too much. i always think about who id be leaving behind. but wouldn’t they just be better off without me?? I’ve fucked up too much for anyone to have to deal with me. i can’t even fucking deal with myself anymore. i need a fucking escape but i don’t know how to do it… someone help me PLEASE!!
Epiphany!
I was rambling on in the comments of Tristeza’s post when I finally hit bottom and realized why I’m so unhappy and want to die. The gist of what I was saying is that life is nothing more than a dream and that when we die, our minds are erased from reality permanently. All of the information that our brains are holding onto is erased when it shuts down for good. The person that you think you are (Tom, Dick, Jane etc) is little more than a function of the brain, and so when the brain dies, you die too.
As in a dream, I’ve […]