So anyway, the last year or so has really sucked. My wife made up lies to the police to get me arrested and got a protection order against me to get me removed from my house. Never spoke with her for the next year, except through our lawyers since she served me with divorce papers. Now that the protection order is expired she has been talking to me sweet as can be when I go over there to pick up our son. Of course the divorce is still going forward, it should be final any day now. She’s supposedly a Christian now and she says […]
want
Man, I feel like I for once was right about something. This website is already proving amazing. My previous vent helped me through the day, and upon logging on again and seeing a couple encouraging comments, I feel I can fully breathe again. Well, at least for today.
Tomorrow is a different story, but we’ll talk about and deal with that when we get there. Seriously though, this website is my new go-to place. I’ve kept diaries in the past, but my older sister snoops through them and at times would have the nerve to leave comments she believed encouraging. On the contrary, they were quite […]
I’m not a selfish person. I’ve been told suicide is selfish. People will miss you, greive, feel guilt, brcw depressed themselves. Your parents. Siblings. Friends. Grandparents. Extended family. They’ll hurt. Some, forever. My parents, especially my mother, will be forever grieving.
My life is good. Good job, family, friends, lifestyle, living conditions, amentities… There is not much i need that I don’t have. Sure I’m single, but I’m seeing someone, kind of, and he’s great. Other guys ask me out, I have to turn them down.
But still I can’t shake this.
I feel like I’m spiralling down a rabbit hole.
I don’t want to get up in the […]
I hate living ,its so horrible and lots of problems ,how hard is heart feels. You love someone for live life along but are the once who sucks you most. Why you love some one ? to take of you but they act like animals and selfish . I never want to born again
I don’t want to live another day like this. And after that there will be another one, and so on. I can’t stand it.
I constantly think about overdose, but apparently is nearly impossible.
Why doesn’t my heart just stop.
It would be selfish for me to kill myself considering all that my parents have done for me. They are the only 2 human beings that actually care about me. I just want to apologize to my parents for having such a big piece of crap that I am. I am literally already dead but still breathing. I stare brain dead into the computer screen all day, every tiny part of me is gone and I have to cry myself to sleep everyday. Being depressed for 5 years does that to people. How much longer I can keep going for my parents remains a mystery. […]
…seeing as I am suicidal, I would love to give my life to something meaningful. Why don’t they give people who want to die the opportunity on the front lines at war? It doesn’t mean we’re unstable, just miserable and our lives will be given for a good purpose…
Is this a crazy idea? I mean, I know people would be in uproar if the government allowed it saying that they are taking advantage of mentally disturbed people, we are not pathetic people, we just suffer a lot, very much like a terminal illness and would like to offer our lives for something good.
What are […]
I think I want to get better, I mean I should want to get better …. but then I don’t. I came out of hospital for a suicide attempt a couple months ago and I’m expected to be better now. I’m expected to be happy, I’m expected to be normal. Normal is such a funny word. Is normal an action, a belief, a lifestyle? Or is it a character I’m expected to play? I’m sixteen years old. I don’t live with my abusive mum anymore and I no longer binge drink or do drugs. I should be happy, shouldn’t I? My dad is super controlling […]
It’s hard to deal with this as a Christian. I feel so guilty…
I know I’m supposed to forgive, or else I won’t be forgiven. I know I’m supposed to pray for those who hurt me, but it’s not always easy. I’m having flashbacks of things my parents said to my brother and I
No one will ever want you
When you move out, don’t come back
You’re trash
You’ll never be anything
You’re a motherfucking piece of shit, you know that?
And did
locking him in a closet
making him sit outside for hours as they kept the door locked
“Spanking” us until they saw blood
And more. I don’t want this to affect the rest of life, I want to forget, but I can’t . I […]
I feel guilty about everything I did and didn’t do. I’m failing so hard at life right now. I spent £150 on an exam retake, it’s in three weeks time and I’ve practically done zero revision. I was feeling fine when I paid for it, I thought I could do it.. Now.? I feel like shit, feel guilty about eating, I don’t deserve to have food. So many people have it worse than me and they don’t loose their motivation. I’m such parasite and a waste of space. I couldn’t even keep a job. My parents do too much for me. I’m too old to […]
… too Scared of life, to carry on,
… too Useless for everyone, they all want me gone,
…too Impossible to love, too impossible to care,
… too Confused in this broken land, for me there’s no one there,
… too Invisible for everyone, they think I’m bore,
… too Damaged at heart which they tore,
… too Emotional, I can’t live anymore…
I guess I could keep trying to be poetic but fuck it
I just want someone to save me really
I’m still around. Counting the days. Listening to that inner clock, tick tock, tick tocking away. I wish I could hear it winding down. It’s an never ending repetition though. Just like life, even the wait for the end is a never ending disappointment. Will the last day sneak up on me or will I see it coming days or weeks away? Really none of that matters. All that matters is that it does get here and quickly. I dreamed a dream of dying a few nights ago. But it was a lie. I woke up alive the next morning. I’ve heard so many people […]
I don’t know what to do anymore, there is this strange part of me that wants to die, kill myself, have someone kill me, just DIE.
But .. the thought of death scares me. Where do you go ? Is there a Heaven is there a Hell ?
Where is this ‘ LORD ‘ when I need him. I want to believe, it’s just so hard .. I know the devils real. I feel like he’s everywhere. He’s the blade that cuts me, he’s the alcohol that takes over my mother. The fist of my father. He’s the urge to die.
” Now I lay me down […]
I didn’t know what to do. I just got that feeling that I didn’t want to live anymore, that it wouldn’t matter to anyone. It was hard. I was alone and I couldn’t decide whether to live or not. I just don’t know.
I don’t want to be here anymore, I’ve known this since I was very young. But only now that I’m over 40, I’m no longer living on some autopilot or “unawakened” state. I’m awake. I get it. Oneness, we are all one, the energy, the unified field, the energy of love, the veil, the illusion, the ego. Got it… I’m done now, I don’t want to force peace and happiness upon myself or others, what for? People and life keep pushing back and I want to leave now, I can’t keep this up on my own.
If I ended up here with this pitiful story, what’s […]
God, you made my soul filthy. That’s why I was inappropriately touched as a kid, that too by parents especially by mom. I am still ashamed about it. Bullied and verbally abused by other kids at School, Colleges and social circle. Now tell me why you made it such a hell?? You made sure I am stuck with my parents and don’t know whether I am made to get married and throw another child into same hell. I was failed academically despite being a good student. Again it’s because my soul is filthy and I don’t deserve success. I am sure you don’t want any […]
My name is Ashley Im 18 and I have severe deppression I dont have any friends I have my fiance and my dogs thats about it I first notticed my deppression when I was about 11 I started smoking weed when I was sad and I notticed it made me feel so much better probably because it would make me eat and go to sleep things didnt get to bad till I was 14 9th grade that was the age I began cutting my self and the age I first tried killing myself I was extremely skinny not because I cared about my weight but […]
Been down all day today and can’t really put my finger on why. Nothing special happened today, just really down all day. Should be in a good mood since I’m gonna see my son for his birthday tomorrow. When I feel this way, I always want to feel better NOW! I don’t want to wait and hope tomorrow’s better. I think of all the things that helped in the past like booze, drugs, cutting, but none of those things seem to help much anymore. They just get me in trouble, like I don’t need anymore DUI’s – the next one will be a felony. Fuck, […]