I often question the reality in which i live, sometimes i think it is an elaborate ploy. An illusion manifested by my subconscious to shield me from an ever harsher reality i maybe it. I fear that i am still locked in my mothers basement,that i was never let out. I think i maybe lying in the fetal position in the corner of the dark basement with the stone wall pressed into my back. Maybe i never did get out. I image the longer i was down there and the more i realized i may never know a life outside of that darkness the more […]
want
No one ever said that life was fair, and I’m not saying that it should be.
So knowing that you are where you want to be, and I’m not, comes as no surprise
But don’t expect me to be happy for you and don’t smile at me and tell me things will work out for me too. I don’t want your pity. I hate your pity.
…I watched you steal my thoughts and had to see you smile…
…You took them all…
I’ve been manic for the past 2+ weeks but on a major come down and feel absolutely crap I saw my cpn yesterday when I was bad with my voices and his coming again on Friday.
I’m so fed up with how I am I just car’t deal with it I don’t mind being minic as I’m happy but that the only time I am
I’ve got a loving family and bf who cares I just don’t want to hurt them but if things don’t change I know i will I’ve suffered from mental illness since I was 15 I’m now 25 I just don’t […]
Well, since this is my first post I don’t really know what I’m doing. So I’ll just talk about who I am and why I’m here. I am a 15 year old girl from tennessee. I have a alcholoic father who is the cause of every single problem I have in my life. I suffer from severe depression and social anxiety. I never want to leave my house for anything. I had to drop out of traditional school to do online school. I never had good grades in school and I always assumed it was because I just couldn’t focus with a bunch of kids […]
We who deal with depression- how far will be go to hurt ourselves? I overeat. I don’t look at myself in the mirror- no idea what my hair is looking like. I don’t brush my teeth. So embarrassed at the doctor’s office when she looked in my mouth. Yuck! But I told her why and it helped to tell even that little bit.
We get upset facing the depression. We want to hurt ourselves in one way or another. Why do we do that?? The pay off is you are expressing your pain? Even the talk (hopefully only talking!) of killing ourselves is part of hurting […]
I think about it everyday. I’m not really sure if I’m depressed or just sad all the time. I never do anything right. I’m the type of person where if my teacher gave the whole class a pop quiz everyone else would score a 100% and I would be that odd ball to score a 90% or even a 80%. I know what your probably thinking. An 80% isn’t even that bad. But you get my point. I fail at everything. I even think my own father hates me. I could be all happy with my friends at school but the minute I get home […]
I just don’t want to live that way. And I can’t see any way out.
I don’t want to be me. I want to be somebody else.
The one thing that has kept me going for the longest time has been schoolwork. I am a senior in college, graduating in May and wondering what will help me survive after that. I’m good at schoolwork. I’m smart. Not to sound arrogant, but I know what to do to get good grades, and I love to learn. When everything else is fucked up, as it often is, knowing that I can get something right is what keeps me alive. Now, it’s nearly over, and in all that handwork and all that knowledge gathering, I have no career prospects. Nothing that I’m particularly good at. […]
Hey guys, i just signed up a few minutes ago and i’m surprised that i’m not alone. I just want to let all of you know, that we’ve got each others back since we’re in the same boat. I hope one day god will grant us the happiness we truly deserve. If not here, then in the afterlife.
Stay strong.
I have a sweet tooth.
Days can pass and I won’t be hungry, won’t eat, but the second someone offers me something sweet- or if I find it myself- the fast is broken; it can be an apple, a piece of candy, grapes, ice cream. Anything.
But why? Who cares?
The reason is old and sad (or pathetic, if that’s how you want to see it).
We’re not rich. We usually don’t have a lot of food.
When I was younger, we still didn’t have much to eat, but we rarely got anything sugary (or fruits, because parents just went and bought fast food for the starving masses).
I am having a hard time… I am going through a horrible break up with the person I loved and I feel hopeless… He’s hurt me so much and I still want him… No matter what… I feel so alone and lost and suicide seems to be a good way out of this mess… I have been through much worse in the past and just want to be safe and okay again but it seems that is never going to happen…
It’s viral, this spiral
That threatens our survival
Take a picture for the road
We’ll say cheese and smile
Yea, we’re versatile
We’ll give you what you want
And we’ll make it seem worthwhile
Denial, our wile
We make it a lifestyle
Take it hook, line, and sinker
And then praise us for our guile
We’re liars, expired
Somebody start a fire
The only thing that’s left for us
Is burning on a pyre
Yea, we know it’s dire
And still, it’s what we want
Are you scared of our desire?
In this mire, we’re tired
Beginning to perspire
The only ones who hear us now
Are partners to conspire
It’s dust, skin rust
Our spirit’s outer crust
It’s really only flesh and bone
Who cares if we combust?
Yea, we […]
I just can’t go on like this. Every breath hurts when I know I will never see her ever again. And yet every second of every day I long to be with her. Even if it is just one last time. I just want to see her beautiful face once again smile at me the way she used to when she loved me.
I know she doesn’t love me anymore. I cry for hours and hours every single day. I still love her with all my heart, no matter the pain she has caused me. She’s my entire life. Without her I have nothing left. My […]
I feel I just can’t go on anymore. The pain controls everything. I have no friends no family nobody to talk to nobody to open up to. I hoping maybe someone can talk me out of this I don’t want to do it but I see no other option I plan out everyday how I going to do it and where but I don’t want nobody to see it or find me it always ends up with someone finding me I just want to disappear. I’ve already tryed pills but that only landed me in the hospital looking like an idiot not a single person […]
I’m so fuckin sick of people telling me I havent fucking tried. So fuckin sick of people saying I don’t put my “all” into it! So fucking INCREDIBLY sick of hearing, “you have to want it.” Oh, let me get this straight. You actually think I like to live every fucking moment in misery and agony? You actually think that I love to walk the streets and feel like I fucking disgust every person and that I’m a disgrace in their eyes? I mean as if it matters right? No, they don’t fucking matter but do you know how it feels to be paranoid into […]
How many of you would actually care if I died, and if you did, for how long? I mean if I died the sun would still rise and set, the seasons would still change, my death would change nothing in the world. I’m nothing special, so why do you care what happens to me? My existence is meaningless, so therefore I believe that I do not need to stay. I mean, do you even know what it’s like to feel so damn sad and empty all the time and just wake up everyday to just fake a smile and pretend to be oh so very […]
Do any of you have something or an experience you want? A dream you had once? Small ones or big ones?
I want to see my best friend live a happy life. Maybe have some of my poetry published. Move to NZ and have a child.
If I could.
If you were healthy, what would you do?
I don’t know where to start.
I was chronically suicidal in high school, and even attempted it several times. Then, sometime in my early adulthood, I fell in love for the first time and stopped feeling that way. Now I’m almost 30 and I’m back to square one. I’ve been single for years, have gotten more and more depressed over the years, and finally I’ve come to the point where I’m seriously contemplating ending my life.
I’m a gay man. I’ve never really felt comfortable with the idea of being gay. I don’t relate to gay culture in any way, shape or form, and I’m not even […]
Just a statement I guess. Putting all my stuff in zip locks. Don’t want to have to have people doing that. What would you do with your diaries? A lot of what is in them has potential to cause my family pain. Would you burn them?
-Are you OK?
-Yep.
-Really? You look terrible.
-Oh, thank you, I love you too.
(No, I’m not OK, I feel devastated, I just want to cry, I don’t know why the hell I’m even here, I dream about killing myself every night, please help me find a way to tell you that I want to die, just telling you some of the things that are wrong with an ironic comment at the end has stopped being enough, I want you to know how broken I feel, I don’t care about the causes anymore, I don’t want to tell you what’s wrong, you know my world is a […]