breathe,i must remember to breathe. in, out, in, out…,paralyzing fear. like the first time i was shot at. my brain is numb, and has a difficult time making decisions. must do. anything. so scared. so damn emotional. making me crazier. cant stop crying. no more tears and i cant stop crying. seeking help, but what can be done? it dont go away. the only ones who understand are in the same boat with me and sinking fast. so disconnected from evrything. i want to die. yet, i want to live. i want to experience joy, happines and all the good emotions that i have denied […]
want
Maybe it will help if I type it all out–my anger, fear, rage, emotionally disability, desire to die. I have been disabled on so many levels, planes, altitudes, planets, and realms of disaster that I can no longer keep up with it all. Really, I haven’t been “dealing” with any of it for so long, if ever. I just want to type this out and not worry about typos, grammar, spelling–because maybe it really will help me. My ride on the crazy train has been going on for most of my life. Now that I’m super obese (been this way before), unemployed for almost a […]
“Glenfidich, clean.”
“I’m going to have to see an ID. I mean, anyone who orders a Glenfidich probably has drank a time or two in their life, but you look kind of young.”
I flashed my license, she responded in a quick nod and vanished into some back area out of view. My vacant stare scanned the activity of the airport terminal. I had gotten three hours sleep, and in the midst of my loose focus, all of the crowds flowed by in bright blurs.
The cling of the glass behind me signaled the arrival of my best friend. I smiled at the server, nervously nursing the bitter […]
I am so lost in this world, I have been alone for a lot of my life, and it has made me shy and quiet when it comes to meeting women. I have dated here and there but things never go well, and yet I hate being alone. I fell in love about a year ago with a woman, I dated a long time ago. We had a strong connection, and have hadd some really nice times together. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and now that things are falling apart between us, I am more depressed than ever. I will […]
One day i just wanna stop being the girl that everyone uses as a bad example like “you can either go with her or Brianna” “Ewww naw man her ugly self “ i just want to be the girl that a guy at least looks at out of amazement and not disgust.
not in the form i thought it would. i got the A in math, I got all As. but yesterday i fainted after taking a shower, it was the wildest thing in the world, it’s never happened before. and that part wasn’t that bad. it was after going to the hospital (everyone told me that i should go, i didn’t want to be that person who says no when everyone else is saying yes) that i realized how terrible it was. i had no one to come and pick me up. i have no friends, and the people that i know with cars…well, i assumed […]
It’s a myriad of words stuck in my mind, none of them feeling appropriate for the situation at hand. I’ve memorized them over and over again, like some monologue that I’m trying to get perfect for when you’re in front of me.
Pacing in the pale dawn of the day, I find myself easily sucking down six cigarettes in the span of two hours. In between puffs and sips from a mug of coffee that gets colder, I try to imagine your reaction. Disappointment? Abandonment of one other soul in your life? God knows–you’ve had enough of that.
“. . .I try never to say goodbye, but […]
The thought of suicide has been on my mind at least weekly if not daily for the last 40 years. considering I was 13 when I had my first lame attempt to end things (I wrapped an extension cord around my neck and yanked. This was at school and all that happened is I passed out) I’ve had a couple other tries since. I guess I was not ready for those times either. In looking back at things I wonder what it is that I really want. It is not attention as I was alone and did not plan to be around or discovered by […]
I don’t feel much anymore. It’s like I’m floating just below the water, aware that my lungs are burning, but I’m unconcerned. I see so much and nothing at all. I see that I am likely to end up alone. I see that I cannot have children. I see that I am about to graduate college with a useless degree and a fuck load of debt. I see fires and wars and disaster and hatred and guns and knives and cars accidents and pain in the world. I see that I should do something. There I begin to see nothing. There is nothing to do. You […]
Hey there. So, I’m back again on this website, for the third time. Three major bouts of suicidal thoughts and depression. But that’s besides the point. Earlier this year, I began my freshman year of high school, and with it, the best years of my life, as I have been told so many times. Unfortunately, that promise is not living up to expectations. I was placed into a college preparation program by my middle school teachers, though I decided not to sign up for it last year because I didn’t want to have too much on my plate. Additionally, at the start of the year, […]
no one knows what’s in my mind. no one even knows the real version of the story. everyday, I’m still thinking about the night that killed me. i’m dead but still bleeding? isn’t that strange? everyday, i live in the hell of being stuck with that fucked up mind in a world that i don’t even want to live in. i’mstanding close to the edge wishing someone could finally push me. i’m afraid. still, i don’t want help. i just want to be free…
I am a 21 year old girl and people always like to hang out with me cause of my looks. When I tell people I’m depressed they don’t believe me cause they think I’m pretty and can have everything in the world I want. I am depressed since I was 13. I have always been nice towards everyone in my life and somehow people made use of it.
I don’t feel like I have anything or anyone to live for and don’t find anything to do I really like.
I go to University and am doing my Bachelor in IT but it gets harder and harder everyday […]
To all of you who complained about the picture on my previous post.
IT IS NOT ATTENTION SEEKING.
It’s a way of showing people in what kind of trouble you’re really in. I wanted people to see that these are not just small cuts ob the wrist. These are literally wholes all over my body.
And let me clear some things for the people saying the picture is downloaded…
The pictures of self harm you find on the Internet are all real. Thise were all posted by people who do those things to themselves. So even if you did download a picture from the internet, you […]
For the past 10 years I’ve have picked the same day to kill myself and I don’t know if I can make to that day this year. I dropped out of school when I was 16 and never been able to get a job. I can’t ask for help no matter how much I want to. Last year I showed my older brother the notes of suicidal thoughts and posted on Facebook I was having thoughts of suicide hoping someone would help me but no one did and everyonwe just forgot , know I’m at a the point were I don’t want any. I can’t […]
As a child my father abused me terribly and I never felt warm caring love from my parents. Deep in my heart I know they did in their own ways, they just didn’t know how to show it. My father told me I was ugly and would never make anything of myself. Well I did, I became an alcoholic just like him. I have been married 3 times with 2 kids and now I have 3 grandchildren. I am a generous giver, always doing for others but sometimes I need just a crumb from someone to show me they care. Maybe they don’t. It could […]
I went to a grief support group last night. It took me two weeks to find one that would take me. I live in a fairly large city (roughly 2 million), but yet every single place I called told me I didn’t belong there (except one.) I called hospitals, grief support groups, community mental health organizations, counselors (in fairness, they’d take me, at the tune of $90 and up and hour), and every referral service I could find on the internet. I even called suicide prevention, but they did not have any new names of organizations that I had not tried.
I explained the same thing […]
i will not say why i want to suicide, i dont want you to tell me that i should accept what is happening or blah blah blaah..
i just want to die, i really really want to, for to times i took more than 25 pills and nothing happend, just pain, and now i know that it is not a good way to suicide, brcause it won’t kill you, so i am asking for an easy way to suicide, please help me..
Imagination better than reality? Why Imagination is better than reality? Why is Imagination better than reality?
Why Imagination is better than reality?
Why is Imagination better than reality?
Why is fantasy better than reality? Why fantasy is better than reality?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality / human’s fantasy is better than reality.
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Interstellar, etc etc, they are much more interesting, full of POSSIBILITIES & varieties / variations, and better than reality / BORING reality […]
My life has not been exactly what you would call easy. I got charged with a rape I never committed at the age of 20. It shall follow me forever as they put me on the sex offenders registry. I honestly did nothing. Life went on and I fell in love. My ex took my kids and now will not let me see them, I stayed single for a long time, finally found love again, she left me for whatever reasons she might have had. Everyone who knows me really doesn’t like me that much. Judgements and all. Everyday I am reminded of just how […]
I have suffered from depression since around the age of 13I can’t really say if I thought about suicide back then. I know from things that happened to me my childhood was Rod I never got to enjoy some of the experiences young people did like normal relationships and that affected my life as an adult. I’m in capable of handling a relationship normally like any other person would I fall easily hard and even when a relationship is unhealthy for me I don’t want to end it I am currently in a toxic relationship and addictive relationshipand although I do love this woman I […]