Is it okay to stay alive for your friends so they do not feel bad, and pretend nothing is going on but inside so much pain that you want to die?
Since the end of my childhood I thought obsessively about my death. It became self termination, soon after. I tried to kill myself three times, one OD, going to a cliff to jump (I didn’t, and suffered no injury), and drowning. I wasn’t under long enough to pass out. I’ve held a knife in my hands thinking about burying it in my body multiple times. I think about suicide constantly, but over the years only attempted really once, I suppose. I feel as though I don’t have the right to call myself suicidal. If I’m not that, what am I? If I don’t feel this […]
I have to hang in there longer. I just can’t put my dog down or give her away. She deserves to get older. She is 9 and will be really old in a couple of years. Somehow I will hang in there. I don’t like buying stuff, because it just means more stuff that the Public Administrator inherits, but I bought some house plants, put them in pots, and they make me feel better. I get very depressed when a plant dies, though, and I don’t have a green thumb.
So, if you want to hang in there a little while longer, buy yourself a toy […]
I hate counselling, I hate friendships, and people suck. I just want one person to know how it feels to not want to get out if bed in the morning, to wake up hating yourself and go to bed thinking about how shitty you are and how ugly you look. I am sick of my face and the people I’m surrounded by, I want someone to know what it’s like to feel completely lost and not know what’s wrong and to feel shitty and sad even when everything is going good in your life, I want someone to understand what it’s like to feel like […]
Tonight was the second time in less then a week that I’ve been told depression doesn’t exist and that we all have control of our minds and chose how we want to be… Were just soaking ourselves in tears and sadness because were too “lazy” to get out and try to be happy…………
A lot of people say that your Senior year is supposed to be supper easy as hell and the most fun that one can have, so I must be living the wrong life. So far, my life has been filled with pressure and stress and I am emotionally and physically tired.
What could I do to release some of the stress I’ve been living? What else is there besides cutting?
By now I’ve cut multiple lines into my skin, creating a twisted piece of artwork that is full of scratches and swelling cuts and the one problem I have is how I can’t tell anyone else what […]
I was 21 when I first had suicidal thoughts. I was struggling at college, and had frequent migraines. The first time was really upsetting -how could I imagine doing that to myself? I kept going, and even managed to finish college. I got a job, and constantly worried that people would see me as not good enough, and wouldn’t want me around. It was hard to sleep. I would agonise over mistakes I could make. I changed job, and things got worse. I had a manager who was passive aggressive and a supervisor who was cruel, insulting us at every opportunity. I attempted suicide twice […]
I used to be so much. I used to be a firefighter and when i would show up on the scene of a suicide I would always wonder how low does someone have to be to do that. I understand now. I have so much hate built up inside. The things that I once loved have turned away from me. The woman i love would rather be beat by a drug addict than be with me. I stay around for my mom, but it’s getting so bad I’m sure she would be better off without me too. I want to see my sister she’s been […]
I used to have suicidal thoughts as a younger teen. My mother had a rough childhood in China and would accidentally try to force me into her ideal life. But my mom also would call me a lazy ***** or fat pig (i used to be quite the chubster). I just want to say that it would have been helpful to know someone loved me out there. I felt deprived of the affection i deserved. I understand if you don’t give a bit but i just want all of you to know I LOVE YOU more then you could ever imagine. All of you no […]
Well I’m still around. Just want to post to encourage myself and maybe others to keep trying. Im not sure If Ive gotten any better over the last 8 months. A lot of meds, counselling and quitting addictions and I’m still suicidal.
This is my first post… I’m not really sure what to say or how to begin…I’m not seeking attention or guidance per say, I only feel the need to vent.
All I know is that I cannot remember the last time I truly felt happy and content in my life. I suppose I won’t go into much detail, but I guess it started when my mom went to jail for the first time a few years back.
I struggled with my life over the next few years, and I still do. But lately I’ve just felt it hard. I don’t want to continue on with my life. […]
“Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time, here comes the start of every sleepless night, the first of every tear I’m gonna cry…”
Two months ago you were here.. and two months ago you died. Out of nowhere, and my heart has never felt so much pain. I keep trying to understand and I just don’t.. & I hate that I don’t.. This pain is unbearable. You were my best friend, my very best friend who knew every little thing about me and now you’re gone. We shared a connection no one understood and we loved each other so much. I can’t believe it would’ve […]
Sometimes I wonder, do I really love you?
Or am I just too used to spending time with you? Or that I’m just attracted to that charisma in you?
I don’t know. Everywhere I go, I try to avoid you, but yet, I still want to see you, even if it means catching only a glimpse of you.
I know you’ll still be there for me. But I don’t know if I’ll be there for you.
But I still miss ya.
How i fricking miss you and your texts. How i fricking miss how we talked for hours. How you came after me. How we liked each other. How we would go home together. How you would ***** about her to me. Now tables have turned. Im lonely. You are with her. Everywhere. So close. I never was. So physically close. Do you like that. But i didnt want to freak you out. I could have flirted with you the way she always does. But i didnt want to be her. But now you prefer her dont you. You dont even say hi. You fricking dont […]
Lately my thoughts are filled with my death…weather it be by my own hands, another or some freak accident.
ive always been suicidal, since a very young age and I’ve been in and out of ‘mental institutions’ since I was 13…I’m now 18. Nothing helps anymore…I feel like the weight of the world is holding my down. I try looking to things or people I love and know will be hurt by my death but even that’s not helping.
i can’t sleep anymore, I’m so scared of everything. I’m scared someone will break in and hurt my family. I’m scared of even the tiniest things.
Hell my dog […]
I don’t know what I am supposed to do. That’s what I’ve boiled down all my twisted, suppressing, diminishing thoughts into. I’m not content with what I have, or what I’m working towards in regards to my life and career. I’ll be able to live happily, comfortably, and better than some. Not that I’m saying I’ll be rich but I wont be living on the streets either. Somehow that’s not enough for me, I know it’s not just jealously or envy pushing me down since I’ve been in this state before, or should I say most of the time.
I go through what I call ‘my […]
I’m broken, I have been for so long… but I really feel it more than ever. Which is strange because I should feel happy, our family dog was missing for weeks and was found safe and returned last week, I finally got a job after so long of searching that i started today, my college graduation is this week, and yet… it all feels pointless.
I feel worse than ever and I’ve felt so bad before, I’ve come so close to just trying (and succeeding) in ending […]
I hate how I’m in so much pain the muscles on my body are so tensed n I can’t even relax now I’m stuck in a loop of pain n misery my spine need to get better if not I will be in pain forever I don’t want that. I’m tired all the time I don’t like to be in so much pain I feel like I’m never going to get any better my spine n back are messing up my whole body n the bones everything is different my neck is forward but twisted the muscles are so everything is such a bothersome for […]
my mind is racing with all kinds of negative thoughts. therapy is getting hard and heavy. been feeling physically sick with the stress. i am in a very fragile state. been stirring up the shit in therapy and something big is lurking just below the surface. i don’t know what it is but i can cry at the drop of the hat. i am supposed to be trying hypnosis but at the moment it terrifies me. i am scared . something momentous is going to happen and no one outside of therapy knows it. i am withdrawing from family/friends because i just don’t want to […]
So I posted my life story and some of the main reasons I want to die A few hours ago and ive never been able to tell anyone about any of that, well most of it.
I really want some feedback.
At least confirm that youve actually read it.
Thanks