Be human, they always said. Even when they held me in that bed and punctured my skin with some rusty nails. Be human, they repeated, as they tattooed that triangle in my back and told me that I would be perfect…with those…those things in my head and a black ooze in my veins. They said that those voices that haunted me were just computers repeating what I though, feeding from a certain emotion that they were made to target. Then they said I was the perfect hunter, the pacifier that would save mankind. They said that I was going to be the one that would […]
Tag:
wanted
A few years ago, I was just entering middle school. It was a strange transition for everyone, I think. I remember looking around the classrooms and seeing how different people were.
For a while, it was just me. I was very shy and quiet, seemingly closed-off. I made a few friends during that year. We weren’t best friends but we were okay. You see, I moved around a bunch so making friends was difficult and made me feel awful because I just kept thinking that I’d move and never see them again.
I used to bring lunch and eat it in the school cafeteria; it was very […]
My name Is Erin Mitchell and I just join this site
Okay so my suicide story~ I been suicide for a while now I always wanted to kill myself but I only attempted it a few times. I been through a lot.
I have a really close friend killed himself a couple of months ago
I get bullied at school almost everyday. People call me some bad names I should have never been called.
I need to talk to someone before I really kill myself
She had come home from Chicago the night before. She, our roommate and I were drinking and watching Archer. I passed out. I came to with a raw cough in my throat like nothing I’d ever experienced. Turns out I threw up in my sleep and Roommate had to roll me over. He pointed to the soiled pillowcase in the laundry basket.
I heard my girlfriend whimpering low. I was the one in her life who knew her for the shortest amount of time, and yet I was the only one who could discern the barely-perceptible difference between her regular whimpers and the ones that indicated […]
Just seconds after my last post, I see him with some girl. Mr Nobody Likes Me. Yeah right. He’s gorgeous enough to have them lined up and on a wait list until 2045. I can understand that he’d never no chance in hell go for me but what I can’t understand is totally ignoring and writing someone off who would do anything for you. Must be that he convinced himself that my love can’t be real since I’m so ugly it must be that I’m jus desperate or crazy. If somebody wanted time with me I wouldn’t ignore them or write them off. He damn […]
I’m pissed because I saw this thing yesterday that makes it sound like some huge opportunity but it’s not. You need a bachelor’s degree and to pay for everything. So, not as desperate as they make themselves out to be for candidates. What it was, was an ad on the back of a card saying anyone with any experience can go be a school teacher in Vegas because they’re so desperate for teachers. Now I hate people so it wouldn’t be my first choice but I hate everything in my life and I want a change of scene. Then when I looked into it they’ll […]
It takes 3 days for this to take effect. Heh, fooled them into thinking I actually ate today.
I’m done with what they’re saying. They never wished they had me? Well good, I never wanted them as pathetic emotionally abusive parents either.
So I’m doing both of us a huge favor.
Funny thing, both of them were attacking me today. They wanted to push me into action so I can finally take the exam? Even if I do pass (with my critically low ‘danger of failing’ score on the exit hesi) and get a job as a nurse, I don’t truly care about people, since why the hell […]
So living with constant depression and daily suicidal thoughs has changed me and my mind into things I wish never existed. I think most people going through the same things would agree with me when I this.
1.) Everytime someone asks me if I am doing okay, I have to put a fake smile on my face and say I am fine because I don’t want people to see how much depression truly controls me.
2.) I can’t take my necessary daily medicines without thinking of overdosing.
3.) I can’t cross the road without the thought of wanting a car to hit me crossing my mind.
4.) I can’t […]
Hey guys, as the title indicates, this is a random post.
I just watched Sucker Punch (great movie btw) and I was just wondering if any of you have ever considered lobotomizing yourselves. Being free from your higher faculties, the cognitive abilities that people place in such high esteem…have you ever just wanted to be free of all that?
Hello:)
This will be a rather quick synopsis of my suicidal attempts and what led up to them and how I managed past them but the story should come across anyways.
First Attempt:
I was about 14 at this time, and had started cutting. it wasn’t “severe” as it was mostly little scratches. I would only “cut” when I was super overwhelmed with my situation, or emotions. I had been seeing a guy for about a year, and was infatuated with him. One day, he decided to tell me that he had been cheating on me with his ex, but that I shouldn’t be worried because he can […]
I’ve left my fears behind. Now I’m purely fuelled my anger and sadness. I was never good enough for anyone, and that was okay with me because I didn’t need to be.No, correction. I was never good enough for YOU. You stupid, terrible parents that pushed me to my breaking point and every time I built something for myself, you would knock it down and then ask me why I couldn’t build anything. I didn’t want this life. Everything I did I did for you. Straight As. 4.5 GPA. Getting into one of the top schools in the world. Student council president. Swim team. Band. […]
I’m taking a step forward.
The past few years have been rough on me. I’m nineteen, I go to college like any normal student, I have friends, I have a family. Every single person in my life are important to me, and I know they care about me even if they don’t usually show it.
Though I’m so tired of what they’ve been hiding. I’ve been a good friend, I know I have. I don’t talk about anyone behind their backs and people learn to trust me. I joke around, I make my friends laugh, I make them smile, and I’m serious when I need […]
I don’t honestly do not know why I am even writing this. Big brother can watch me have my nervous breakdown, I guess. It was not at all in my intentions to be one of those people who threaten their selves with their lives when things get hard. That’s weak, right? Although, I’m struggling to understand that, it makes your mentality to have strenuous strength to cope with the inevitability. Here’s the kicker, I am 16. I haven’t even lived to have the urge to end it, right? Ahhhhhhh, or maybe it could be the raging hormones and the typical teenage babble like, he said […]
I am so disappointed with how everything ended I’m so hateful towards myself and everything around me so I have these moments were I cease to have any control over my rage today I got in a fight with my brother and all I could think was to make sure he never fucked with me again to seriously harm him Idk why I left Idk how i did eitherthe urge to let the rage take over was so strong (no he’s not much younger than me and no I didn’t even make him bleedi really wanted to do much worst)
It’s been three years since I put up my first post on this site. Now being 21 years old. If I could go back in time and talk to myself in the past and tell her how the future is now I’d tell her just these few things.
You will fall in love with your prince charming. The perfect boyfriend. And you will have the best time of your life. Then have your heart broken, never seeing him again because you just weren’t good enough. But you will meet someone else. And you two will live together in harmony with a black cat who loves you […]
Hello everyone. I have been coming to this site on an off for several years now, anytime I was thinking about suicide. Reading the other stories helped me to feel that I was not alone. That I wasn’t the only lonely person in this world that didn’t seem to fit in anywhere. That I wasn’t the only self-loathing person that hated their existence and felt the need to apologize to everyone about it. I only ever indulged in reading though, never made an account or posted. It’s a tad narcissistic to just talk about oneself, so I never wanted to bother anybody with myself.
I have […]
Im so sorry.
To Mom: Im sorry you’ll never see me become the happy man with family that you always wanted me to be. I’m sorry i was always miserable. Im sorry I never talked to you. Im sorry for being so difficult and putting you through so much.
To my Sister: We always got along rather well. But i could never explain to you whats going on in my mind. I know this will only hurt you and mom more, but I couldn’t take hurting anymore. Im sorry i’ll never be a uncle for your daughter.
To Her: Im so sorry. I know this is the last […]
We deserve better!
I deserve to be happy.
I deserve to feel loved.
I deserve to have a job i love, & that can support me.
I deserve to be treated as i treat others.
I deserve to have the life i want.
Why is this world so cruel & awful that people can not even be happy anymore. Everything is too expensive, the meaning of true love is gone. You can not rely or trust anybody, if you do, chances are you just get hurt worse than before.
All i wanted was to be happy. To make a difference in this world, to make a difference with someone i love.
Life is […]
Since my last (serious) post, I made this pic and put it as the wallpaper on my phone. It’s a question to myself only. The point was to see if it felt right or wrong or somewhere outside of that. Having sat with it for a couple of days, I’ve accepted it and thought it felt good. I always wanted to go out close to or on my birthday, but last winter was too fucking cold and I said I want to be comfortable when I do it. With that said, I feel like I’ve lost a best friend. It felt like we were really […]
Have you ever wanted to ask: “Hey, How are you. Is there anything I can do to improve you?”… (the subtext being, before I go?)
There are so many people here I care about. Yes, some more than others (anon Lara, lookin at you kid!) .
I fail, I’m awkward. I wish I could clone my heart and give each of you a piece.
[edit] Might as well throw in a song for good measure: Maybe the lyrics apply maybe not.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqHKGcujap0
pull the ripchord
the ship has lost its sail
your mama’s got a new man
your daddy always fails
and you’re eating again
at them
’cause nobody loves […]