My Psychologie teacher wants to do it as a class activity… And she wants me to open up and tell my story… because she found out that I had gone through things and stuff. Still I don’t want to do it. I mean there’re people who I just don’t want to find out about me… It’s personal.. not for her to share it.
Tag:
wants
i have had depression for as long as i can remember (even as a child i’d have these terrible mood swings but i don’t know what you’d class them under) but it got really bad when i was 12 years old. i am now 16 and if anything my depression has gotten a lot worse over these years.
i know that my life is not as hard as it could be but right now my family has barely enough money to get along, my parents are practically divorced with the way they act around each other and all i want to do is leave this […]
I’m currently stuck in another country that is not mine. Initially didn’t want to go on this trip as I am having depression. But I didn’t want to let friend A go alone with a group of people that he wants close to. However, depression strikes and I just couldn’t take it. Last night, I spent quite some time in the toilet crying about it and he couldn’t understand hence he didn’t do anything. Today, I found out that friend B told this friend A to totally ignore me. I’m currently out of the hotel room with nothing but a phone. No passport to rent […]
I suppose I should be feeling better. Still everything is going wrong. A part of me wants to stop, a part of me just wants to go. How much longer will this fight continue?
So I don’t know what to say. But I’ll start here I have a boyfriend. We have been together for awhile. But he can me like shit allot. Well I’m pregnant with his baby. He doesn’t want it neither does his dad. So they want abortion. I’m not sure. I want it but he doesn’t care. He bugs me about it al the time. I feel like all he wants is for me just to kill myself cause that’s what he wants I know so he can just be done with me. Know one understands how I feel and won’t. He also is always looking […]
I can’t get help, and it’s going to kill me.
Being transgender, a lot of my normal life, when I’m not suicidal, depends on my ability to get medical treatment- much of which involves therapists asking me, time and time again, if I’ve had any intentions of hurting myself in recent times. I really need to talk about it. I want to get help. But I know that if I say anything, I could end up far more depressed, and being denied treatment I desperately need.
I am kind of in a constant state of being suicidal- it never really goes away. I can be at my […]
I’ve been told to look to the future, but I feel so cramped now. My past can make me cry on the spot and the pain in the past is so unbearable I look to options that are frowned upon. The present is also unbearable, being tired and stressed out, and my future only holds ridiculous amounts of stress. The future is just, too much. I don’t even want to think about next week let alone the upcoming years. Even when I’m in my thirties, I’m going to have this stress. How are we supposed to live like this?
How can you get on with your […]
I’m alive.
And I’m free.
I’ve never been more free in my life.
It feels so good.
I suppose I should explain what happened when I stopped posting yesterday. Basically, the pills were making me really tired and weak. I was dying, basically. It was getting really hard to type, because the simple movements were taking all of my energy. So, I said goodbye to all of you, and I fell asleep. I’m pretty sure it was closer to dying rather then sleeping, but I didn’t know at the time; I was too weak. Anyway, I never moved my laptop from on top of me, because the movement […]
why? i dont get it anymore why am i still here when no one needs or wants me i feel so unloved from family and even my own boyfriend we just argue all the time and now that i am put into another foster home i just cant do this shit anymore i feel so pathtic doing this shit again when i told myself i wouldnt fall this hard but sadly i did and thats whats the hardest to belive that in my darkest deepest hole that i can feel this shit and still am carrying on with this life. i really just need to […]
So I don’t want to go into too much details. However, I live with my dad and step mom. For the past 3 years I have been sick due to spinal issues along my back all the way up to my brain stem. Basically my entire spine has loosened, and the discs/vertebrae shift.
I have tons of back pain and neurological symptoms. There is a bone in my neck that shifts and pushes on nerves near the brain stem, causing reduced blood flow to the brain. This causes my body to tremble, as well as short term memory loss, inability to think, fluster of emotions, pain, […]
I dont know what to do with myself….i feel so lost…ive given so much to accomplish something, and it lead me nowhere… now im back to case 1 and i just feel like shit…all i can think about is death because each time i think about doing something else and moving on with my life … i get this horrible anxiety feeling and it paralyze me to the bone… if anyone wants to talk to me on skype…maybe it would help, i dont know how to get out of this mess…planning to stay at my parents house hidden in my bedroom until i die or […]
I can’t stand people who complain, but won’t change the situation. Just complain about it. Some people say, I hate my job, but don’t actively look for other work or better their resumes to find a job with more to offer. People say, dating sucks (and it does! Don’t let anyone tell you different!) buy they don’t know what they’re looking for or are unwilling to give new things/people a shot. What I hate most is complaining about something that only you can change to fix. If you complain that you’re fat and unhappy, then maybe you should quit eating so much shit, work out […]
Well this is a long story, but to sum it up, I am truly giving up on life. Trust me the answer isn’t 42, it’s not happiness or sadness. And the dragoon from final fantasy 9 has a dam good point! Being forgotten and alone is worse than death. After all when your dead you know that you no longer know that your hated, and are left with nothing right? Maybe I’ll be in some grave, maybe I’ll be with god. No matter the case be, I’m pretty dam sure I won’t be in the pain I am feeling now. Ok now for my life […]
For the uninitiated, narcissism is a personality disorder that has (almost) nothing to do with vanity, as we commonly understand it. In a nutshell, “their behavior tends to be erratic, manipulative and centered around themselves. In some cases, a person suffering from this condition can become both physically and emotionally abusive…”
“Typically, those with this condition are unable to relate to the emotions of other people, and see any form of criticism as a personal attack. They may react with extreme rage or violence in these situations, or turn the words of their perceived attacker around to make themselves look like victims.”
A little background: my mother […]
I am at work feeling scattered and not quite apathetic just conflicted. part of me doesn’t care and wants to run out and leave and never come back. Part of me wants to stay because the work I do is important and does help people. Part of me hope an airplane crashes into my building and takes me out. Part of me is focused on the pain in my belly. Part of me is focused on my broken heart. Part of me is horny. Part of me never wants to be touched again for as long as I live.
Living is hard.
I always feel guilty about committing suicide. Not because of the people I will leave behind but because I feel like I’m wasting life. I always wish I could give my life to someone else, like a dying child or a dying mother or anyone who is dying and wants to live really. Someone who would appreciate it and live it better than me. I wish that were possible, I think it would make it easier.
I can’t believe myself. 58 days I went without cutting. 58 days of suppressing the tears until i could lock myself in my room and cry myself to sleep. 58 days of resisting the urges with all my will. did I cut when my ex yelled at me and told me he wished I would just fucking die? Did I cut when my uncle killed himself? Did I cut on any of those days when life was just too much for me to get out of bed, but I had to force myself to because if I didn’t who would take care of my brothers? […]
all i can think on my commute is, if i just step off the platform if i just jump in front of the train, my pain will go away. I’m too much of a coward to do that. i can’t stop tearing up at work, then i was out with my parents and started crying in front of everyone, they just thought i was sad to see my family friends move, sure i am extremely sad about that, but my sadness for myself is much worse. I’m completely miserable to the point i can’t take it anymore. i just want to scream and beg everyone […]
New piece that Shakinbakin and I put together. I wanted to give him something that he could really sink his teeth into so I wrote a progressive-themed piece for him to play with. It’s sort of a new style of writing for me, for that reason, but I think it turned out well – mostly thanks the Shake’s incredible jamming out on the track, tbh.
Like normal, the poem is posted below for anyone who wants to read along.
>inb4 extend a metaphor much?
Orbit
A fresh sun dawns on the face of a new son
The opening refrain of a song as yet unsung
A race that’s not […]
So this girl and I went out and we both have a hard life alcohol, I smoke weed, I have abusive parents always bullied we broke up but remained friends we both cut she saved my life because when I met her I was planning suicide we both started cutting again after the break up and we promised each other we wouldn’t cut again and I told her if she cuts then I will to. Two weeks ago she broke the promise she cut and so later that day I to did to all in this day she told me she loves me she told […]