Hello everyone. I am here to ask for your council. All I want to do is die. Today, I have the means to possibly accomplish this but I don’t know if I should try. There are so many factors. First problem is, I’m supposed to work tonight and all weekend. If I carry out my plan, if I were to fail, I’d be completely out of it for days. That’s another problem; failing. If I fail I’d be sent to a behavioral health unit. There are two reasons I don’t want this. One: I’ve been in them before and they don’t work (plus I work […]
Tag:
weekend
I want to reply with the chorus from Metallica’s song Trapped Under Ice, but that’s just opening pandora’s box and I really don’t want to guide anyone down my rabbit hole of misery.
Freezing
Can’t move at all
Screaming
Can’t hear my call
I am dying to live
Cry out
I’m trapped under the ice
I feel like that every weekend, when I’m laying in bed, blanket pulled up over my head. I have every thought in the world for productive things I could do, but I never move. I spent the majority of this past weekend laying in bed sulking […]
I feel very guilty for looking for a purpose. I know that the meaning of life is self-appointed, and as much as I try I know that I can’t find a reason. This is only day 6 of a weird bout of depression–I usually don’t get as depressed as this, where it heavily impacts me–but I am through with it. Why do I still go to lectures and pretend that all of this matters? Why do I still try to do well in class and get so fucking disgusted with myself when my grades aren’t the best? After undergrad is graduate and the formation of […]
Hey guys, I feel like I haven’t been on here in ages. I just spent my whole weekend founding an organization and building a website and social media pages for it. A lot of you know how difficult my life has been since my husband passed away last November. And it’s not been for lack of trying or anything, just lack of money and a support network.
Well, that being said, I founded the Young Widow Fund. There are oodles of younger women and men who have lost their spouses and have been left to just flounder due to circumstances that are out of their control. […]
My trial begins in a couple of weeks. I’ve just come back from a weekend away with my in-laws and had an amazing time.
Obviously the discussions moved round to the allegations I will be fighting, and have had a resounding vote of confidence from everyone.
Watching football this weekend and joking with SP posters about it was a nice distraction to the tormenting in my head. I still can’t think beyond Monday but I did take my meds tonight… I even contacted a few doctors. I don’t fucking know. I stop myself every time I think about the future. I don’t have the energy to fix my life after 3 years of hell… deferring grad school twice. There is no way my brain can recover in time to restart grad school in January.
Thanks guys… I didn’t feel so alone today.
All I wanted more than anything this weekend was to come home from college, drive the five hours to see my friends and family for my birthday weekend. I now realize it was a bad idea, I was so hypermanic yesterday when I came home, literally haven’t been that happy or excited for anything in ages. I have to leave tomorrow morning and I’m so terribly homesick even though I’m still here. It was like nothing changed, I had a bad nightmare that I was at college and I woke up and everything was okay. I don’t know what to do, I hate it there […]
I tried on Tuesday. Failed. Will not fail this weekend. No energy right now. Waiting for SO to go out so i can go out alone and do what has to be done. My therapist gave me a crisis line, lol. Like I would call. I don’t think so. I’ve done so in the past, jsut feel silly. I’m done .
I’ve been in therapy for a while, meds, doctors, everything for nearly a year now.
sometimes it’s easier, i don’t have the constant rush of suicidal thoughts and images, i know what my triggers are and how to stay away.
and i have friends and family that love and support me. good job. own place. own car. pretty decent life, on the outside.
they don’t know that this dark hole of suck is still eating at me inside. lately it’s been particularly bad, which is how i found this site. I’m tired, and even surrounded by people, extremely lonely. i feel hideously ugly and worthless, there are days […]
Hi, I’m new here so I’m not entirely sure how all this posting works but I thought I should start off explaining how I’m feeling and how I’ve been feeling for a while now.
From the outside my life looks pretty damn great but actually living the way I do is unbearable.
This time 2 years ago I was self harming and contemplating suicide. I then went on to try and commit suicide last May, which obviously didn’t go according to plan but it did wind me up on 24 hr watch until august at which point my doctor and parents gave me permission to go to […]
Yesterday I made a post saying I had three weeks. Also met some good people here.
written by All But Over Now
I’ve made a few friends here on this site in the last 24 hours I would say. I made a post yesterday basically saying I was abandoning ship in three weeks. I have decided to revise that time frame to three days. I plan on writing my note a day or so beforehand, the necessary materials are in my possession and the stage is set.
However, today I am going to take the day to play some music. I’ve played in bands since high school (I’m 27 now) and always had music has a hobby or passionate activity I guess you could say. Going to be […]
Have you ever felt so ugly and unwanted, that you couldn’t leave the house? You feel as if everyone is staring at you, wondering why you look this way instead of that way. I worry about that every day, and it’s gradually getting worse. I can’t leave the house most days. I haven’t always hated my appearance, it became noticable when I began to truly notice my appearance. I’m 13, and I have alopecia. During the summer, my hair started to get noticably thinner and now it’s almost completely gone. My mother thought it’d save my confidence if we just shaved it all- which in […]
I have an old friend who deals with suicidal thoughts on occasion. He told me today he was going to kill himself over the weekend but postponed until Wednesday. I know he has tried before so I have every reason to believe him. He said he tells me because I won’t judge and suffer from the same thoughts and failed attempts. Granted I never give anyone a “warning” to put them in a position to act or have to make that decision. I agree it’s a personal decision but when you bring other people into the mix the dynamic changes. So what do I do? […]
My mother was here a week or so ago for my kid’s bat mitzvah, as were my friends. She called today just to say, “hi,” something she never does. Hmm…must be that since she was a narcissistic **** all weekend which was noticed by all, she now has to do some damage control. Sorry, not going down THAT rabbit hole. Not this time. Fucking ****.
Hi, i guess i just need to vent. I am so tired of fightin urges to destroy myself. Will be 4 8soon. Have been fighting this my whole life. I come from a family of major abuse, riddled with mental illnesss – schizophrenia, borderline personality, addiction. I have complex PTSD that never got ack.owledged – I just got meds which didn`t work and ruined my health. Had my brain shocked. I’m disabled now and completely isolated. My friends got tired of me being depressed a.d I got tired of them telling me, “Hang in there, it will get better.
Last week a neighbor left me a […]
I am 36..had a pretty rough life.. Not as bad as some, but still pretty rough.. I was sexually abused from about the age of 4 or 5 until I was about 11 by 2 family members..my grandfather and my uncle.. I started smoking pot at around 8 or 9, started drinking when I was I think 10.. Snuck out of my house and. Partied every weekend and would even sneak my parents liquer to school in sports bottles.. once I realized that I can escape this reality I did whatever I could and did it to the max.. I then started lsd and cocaine […]
No one has the big picture in mind. It’s sad. Everyone is preoccupied with their little pointless material things and pointless humdrum routines to really look at what happens after everything is gone. What will you have left? Where will you go?
I guess I’m still pretty mad over what someone said to me. Someone I never expected to say such a thing. That if I end it, he won’t go to my funeral because he can’t glorify someone who does that to themselves. I never once asked for glory or sympathy. Only for an understanding ear. Maybe to be talked out of what I want […]
Hi,
I haven’t posted in a long time. Although I have felt suicidal the hole time I have been waiting for “the right time” . I chose June 11th the day before my Birthday. the only problem w/ that is I really want to do It this weekend. I Â am not getting any better. I’ve been doing everything I’m supposed to do. But I feel like I don’t belong. My own brother is trying to bring me down and making me feel like i’m not doing the right thing, even tho I have been sober for 8 months and following the program of the group home […]
I had managed to carve out a nice life. I was happy, we were happy. Sitting on the couch smoking a bowl, laughing at silly things on T.V.
I lost him, my best friend, my brother, my partner in crime, my husband boo. It seemed like we beat the odds, you know? Finding each other. The job I had was great. We took long weekend trips to random places just because it sounded fun.
Being anywhere with him was fun.
The thought of you hurts because you are not here, nor would I want you to be… what I am now is not what I was.
Life moves along […]
This has been the longest weekend ever.
Everyday, something disappointing happens. And it just adds to the problems she already has.
Today is Sunday. A day that is meant for rest before the new week begins. But she cannot rest, in fact she is restless…and this is the most restless she has been since she started considering suicide.
A moment ago she picked up a pen and then stared at her wrist. She thrusted the  point of the pen to her wrist, but stopped before it hit it. “What if I just punctured it. And started bleeding to death.”
With the news she received yesterday, she just can’t take it […]