This is about me 3 years ago and how I survived looking into the horror that I have created. I was a lonely person my whole life and I been reading all the time. What else does a boy with no friends have to do. Anyway at age of 17 I spent months in my room reading. I had hundreds of books there. And one book which I ran across had affected me in a very bad way. I got interested in it and I read it over and over and somehow suddenly it affected me. I began to have paranoid thoughts and become scared […]
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Whole Life
I’ve hit rock bottom. Depression has been biting me my whole life, and I let it influence me so much, my grades dropped so much I’m getting kicked out of school. Don’t know if I would cry or laugh about it, cause I’m so pathetic.
Anyways, anyone feel they relate? If only this decision to end this bullshit won’t affect my mom, dad, and sister, I would be easily and freely slipping into non existence right now.
That shocked me. I’m not really suicidal, not really. I’m not brave enough to try. But my whole life, I’ve just been waiting to die. Because I don’t feel loveable. I feel like I exist just to bring misery to others, and that it’s my only purpose. My brothers called me Burden when I was little. I never wanted to be that. All I have ever wanted, my whole life, was for someone to look at me, and know me, from my charmingly crafted outer-persona to how I really feel, and just… Still like me. Still care about me. Every single person who I ever […]
Waking up with that Gut feeling of not wanting to live.. I know that feeling all to well. When I wake up in the morning I wonder what I will go through today…. You know it has been so long since I have actually smiled and meant it.. I am dealing with so much drama.. And it hurts.. I am just so confused on what to do right now.. D:< You have no idea why I wake up in the morning. I honestly have no idea why i wake up in the morning..
I want to sleep forever knowing that there will be nothing to […]
I just don’t know where to turn anymore. I’ve had tons of problems my whole life, like anxiety, depression, alcoholism. My mother recently had a massive stroke in November of last year, and hasn’t recovered. And a little over a month after that, I lost my only brother to pills. I really don’t know what to do. I have never fit in this world, and the one person that always gave me motivation to keep going is now gone. My drinking has gotten completely out of hand, and the idea of getting sober and staying that way, well, scares the hell out of me. My […]
when i was 8, i was sexually abused. my mom was an alcoholic almost my whole life, my dad abanded me when i was so young, came back around in my life when i was 15 and choose his new family over his kids. my “best friends” put my secrets all overs facebook to use it against me when we got into a fight. we made up, but i havent fully forgaven them because i have horrible trust issues. im in love with my best friend, and we almost were together BUT of course she found someone better. my whole life ive been made fun of for […]
‘Oh, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you.’
‘In the grander scheme of things, you are really insignificant.’
‘You’re too young.’
‘How can you expect anyone to care for you, to love you, if you don’t love yourself?’
‘We’ve spent this much money on you, the least you can do is pay us back.’
Yeah. Okay. I comprehend that. I don’t stop thinking about them for a moment.
But I’m 19 years old and I am tired. I am tired of clawing my way through classes, I am tired of not being able to look anyone in the eye because I’m afraid of them, I am tired of not wanting to […]
My whole life has been a battlefield. It’s just I am not like most people I know. Maybe I am way too sensitive for the kind of world I live in. I hate the ethics of how the world works, or possibly the lack of. Anytime I get out of my house I look around me  and think “Why do people choose to be bad?”… Yes, many people are simply bad people or just confused. Maybe if we had the answers to life after death, then maybe the world would work in unison, but obviously we’ll never know until we face death. Now I have […]
God. I’m sitting here in math class. My grades are slowly dropping. In everything. Its the end of the year, I just feel like it’s no use even trying anymore.
I don’t want to go on grade 11 just to fail or be close to failing again. It’s been like this my whole life. School is a mess. And so is life
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person.. thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
by niki
written by niki
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person…
thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
I often feel like I belong to another planet, universe, or perhaps another ‘spiritual’ plane, dimension,..something like that.
my super-vivid imagination’s world / universe is often a HUNDRED times much more lively, interesting, exciting, thrilling, and challenging than this apparently “Law and Order, all about money/profits and status” shallow, mundane, meaningless real world !
it’s my curse.
fuck my life..
get the hell me out of this fucking Matrix , please , somebody!
there should be an OPTION to get the fuck […]
again, I am in this deep hole. I am feeling very lonely here 🙁 All those people who are around me over the day, no one to talk to and if I try to start a talk with someone they just leave me alone 🙁 I have holidays next week and they will be like hell again. A whole week where no one in my age talks to me. I am just so tired of searching for friends, unfortunately I am also so tired of being alone. I hate everything at the moment. I hate how I fail at everything I do. I hate myself […]
i dont want to be here anymore
i dont know what going on my lifes so messed up. everything went wrong when i was taken from my mother at the age of 11 i had to move to my dads because social services said my mum emotionally and mentaly abused us i was a good kid i looked after my younger sibling while my older brother and sister took drugs with my mum so when we was taken i was relieved in a way but my whole life changed from there. i have 4 sisters and 1 brother we all got seperated and we had supervised […]
“How Nice To Feel Nothing, and Still Get Full Credit For Being Alive.”
by MilesToGo
written by MilesToGo
That’s a quote from one of my all time favourite novels, Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut. I have plans to get the book’s mantra, ‘so it goes’, tattooed somewhere on my body.
Which, is kind of at odds with posting on a suicide website, isn’t it?
I don’t actually know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know if I’m depressed – I’ve never gone to a doctor or a counseller. I think about suicide on a near-daily basis; not in some abstract way, but with regards to methodologies, and having a suicide note on my laptop which I regularly update to correspond with the messages I want […]
Okay, so when i was three years old, my parents got divorced. I was fine with it, and everything was okay. Untill my dad got remarried…
My step mom has been a b*tch to me basically my whole life. It was kinda like the Cinderella story.. but for a few years (when i was about 7-12) everything was okay. But now im almost 14,. & the past 8 1/2 months or so have been shit.
Its not all because of my dads family. Some of it was me making stupid decisions. I know this may sound ridiculous […]
Okay so when I first started this, I had not one thing to say on it. Now I have a slight idea…
When I first joined The Suicide Project I was lonely, depressed. I had suicidal thoughts running through my mind, tormenting me. I have attempted suicide 5 times so far. My memories haunt my every waking moment and I cut my wrists and upper arms so deep that the scars will never heal. I would cry because I hated myself so much, I hated my looks, I thought I was the ugliest person alive, my weight to me 7 and a half pounds or 107ibs, I thought this […]
first off let me just say how happy i feel finding this website
(albeit a little random, just googled cold and alone)
Like im sure everyone else on this website my life story is a bit too long to include on my first post,
so i’ll try and keep it to the point.
I had a somewhat happy childhood. I did have sexual contact (mostly with other boys around my age at the time)
when i was still very young. Then the infamous 8th grade came along and everything changed.
I had to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, be cool etc in order […]
42, lost, and really unsure where I belong, or even if I do belong. I bring to much pain to me and others
by wstock7
written by wstock7
Can anyone relate? Can anyone understand? Am alone?
I am 42, and have battled with success and failure all my life. I am a high school drop out, who has struggled my whole life, but have always held roles in the financial sector primarily mortgage related. A few years ago the industry was totalled with the fall of the economy, and many blame it on mortgage’s and I cannot disqualify this. However I have always walked the line, doing what is right, and what is honest, while watching those around me, become wealthy, and having no concious. Sometime I really regret, being the stand up guy. […]
~as always no grammar. deal with it.~
Yesterday
i told the two people who i still consider my friends that we were not going to school that afternoon, we were skipping. as usual. we left at lunch and went to the supermarket near our highschool and i bought them some lunch.
i dont eat anymore- i am more skinny than the supermodels our society for some reason looks up to. i dont grow anymore either. i am fifteen but i am about as tall as an eleven or twelve year old. yesterday i ate no breakfast or lunch, and a few mouth-fulls of pasta. this wouldn’t hurt me […]
No one cares about me because my sister has it worse. She’s got anorexia and depression and she self harms. I self harm and try to kill myself. I feel like my whole life is a stupid comparison to her. I want to cut myself until I pass out. I want to stay awake for so long that I just drop. I can’t do this anymore, and yet no one even notices.
My family is susceptible to bouts of severe depression, and it’s finally hit me. Every day I go to sleep hoping I won’t wake up. What’s worst is that I know there are people with lives so much worse than mine, and I feel guilty and shallow when I think about that. My life isn’t even that horrible – I have parents who love me, even if they sometimes don’t show it. My brother cares about me, and I care about him. But I haven’t really felt love. Every day, I wake up dreading what lies ahead, be it school or just facing other people, […]