It feels like a lump, a big lump of nothing and everything stuck in my throat. Every moment I am at work I crave to be away. I studied and worked hard in the past and saw myself earning 2 degrees, however through some cosmic fuck up I’m here. I sit and hope and pray and beg for some relief from this madness. Every morning I wake up and force myself out of bed, I cry thinking of what the day will be like. I used to be so passionate about so many things but now all I see myself doing is earning a pay […]
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I don’t know what the hell’s going on. I’m on Prozac, 20 mg/day. I don’t do alcohol or drugs or anything. I’m not even that depressed right now. But I’m seeing things…at first these things weren’t too scary, just a little annoying, like Gingy would steal my pencils and hide them. But now Gingy’s rabid. Whenever he shows up I lock myself in the bathroom. He can’t get in the bathroom because that’s where I was conceived.
What the hell am I supposed to do? He brought some of his friends, they’re outside…the doors are locked, my dad’s at work…it’s tough to even focus on school […]
I recently formed new bonds with people in my life. It was a byproduct of someone giving me a helping hand, offering a new life in a new place. I have been dealing with the same garbage for years, and this was the reason I wanted to die just a few months ago. I was deluded enough to think things could change, that all I needed was a little therapy, and a change of environment.
My mind is obviously still a cluttered mess after the big changes; I haven’t put any real work in. I no longer have an interest in changing or doing the work […]
Hi everyone im not sure why im on here telling everyone my story but here it goes not that anyone cares i have been thinking about suicide for along time i got hurt several years ago and lost the use of my left arm and i have cronic pain in my arm now i have to take alot of pain meds just to get through the day im on disability and i hate not being able to work my wife left me several months ago because she said im not the same person anymore and i found out she had been cheating on me for […]
Feeling hella robotic/empty today. Switching on autopilot for the 8hrs. at work.
So I decided to ask my mom if I could get happy pills. And so I’m talking with my doctor sometime this week to get prescribed. I decided to wait to see if I needed therapy – well, more of “wanted” therapy. I’m going to try taking small steps first to see how much help I really need, because at this point, I just don’t know anymore. Is it a good idea to work myself into this, or should I just push myself into therapy???
Hi all,
I have been suffering from manic depression from decades and I am not gonna lie to you. It all started when my mum committed suicide in front of me and spiralled out of control when work stress gets me. I have had many suicidal attempts , no good at that. The medication i have been taking for decades dont work, i feel suicidal everyday, i turn up for work and put on a fake smile until one day, one of my juniors asked me if I were ok? Cover blown…
Of course i am not freaking ok, but i told him that i was fine, […]
Fuck. Shitshitshit,
i relapsed again.
i can’t hear “YOU have to make things better” or “don’t expect everything to be handed to you on a silver plate” because fuck you. I know that.
I think I’m gonna try again tonight. Who knows? Maybe it’ll work?
I attempted to commit suicide last night by suffocation. Did not work. I also tried hanging myself: no success there. Think I might try a drug overdose next time.
I’ve never posted here before, but I have read other’s stories. Honestly, they’ve helped me feel like i’m not the only one who feels a despair and hopelessness so deep, we feel we’ll never get back out. Life has always been hard, but I’ve been able to fight through it. A big FUCK YOU to society. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be someone of value despite the roadblocks life has thrown at me, and the impossible expectations people have. But I’ve come to realize it’s all an endless cycle. And I wish it would all just stop. Sorry for the long […]
I apologize for my rambling. It probably goes from rambling thought to another.
I don’t remember being happy or a least happy for long. Although, I remember when I fell in love with someone, I was very ecstatic. However as time moved one, this romantic interest I have with a friend I loved dearly proved to be unfruitful. It turns out, it was a pretty much a lie. I watched her flirt with me while she would officially have relationship another guy (a boyfriend). I was like her dirty desire she would talk to on the phone. We would plan non-existent dates and vacations. She’s married […]
No one ever said that life was fair, and I’m not saying that it should be.
So knowing that you are where you want to be, and I’m not, comes as no surprise
But don’t expect me to be happy for you and don’t smile at me and tell me things will work out for me too. I don’t want your pity. I hate your pity.
…I watched you steal my thoughts and had to see you smile…
…You took them all…
This is my first day coming off my meds and already I’m staring to cry. Nothing’s wrong! I’m at work… But I feel an overwhelming sadness welling up inside me. Because my life is so shit because I always fuck up. I don’t know… people tell me I have so much going for me. Why do I feel like my world is constantly falling down and there is no hope of building it up again.
Comrades, we live in a world without justice and evil. I want to tell you guys, that are suffering, that its only bad right now, but that is not the case. It gets bad, then good, and suddenly gets bad again. Possibly even worse than before. But it doesn’t have to stop there. You don’t have to give up just because its bad right now. It WILL get good again. Its almost like the eye of the hurricane. Don’t get me wrong, the actual hurricane is hellish, but the eye is the period of a light breeze, ray of sunlight and nature at its most […]
now I can spend more time thinking about how I’m falling apart without having to go through proxy websites to read the entries here.
That being said. I feel like i’m falling apart. I feel like i should be in the psych ward. I got a cut on my wrist but i don’t know how. I was washing my dishes on Sunday and I noticed it. it’s about an inch long and perfectly straight. I noticed because I’d started bleeding. I started looking at the my knives that i was cleaning to see if i had done it accidentally but i didn’t see blood on any […]
It is too easy for people you love to drift away from you. With all the “I can’t make it” texts and “sorry I couldn’t come over last night” voicemails I feel lil we are losing touch with people more and more these days. Most days my only human interaction besides the norm at home is with the jackasses at my work.
Life is boring , boring life. why movies, games, anime/manga, & fantasy/imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
life is boring , boring life. why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Marvel / Marvels, Avengers, X-Men, Divergent / Insurgent , Star Wars, The […]
I used to come on to this site kind of frequently a while ago, but I’ve spent the last couple of years without internet and kind of homeless for a large part of it, so I haven’t gotten a good rant out in a long time. There’s your warning to skip, ’cause here it goes.
I was born premature from a very stressful pregnancy, my mom actually went into labor upon finding out my dad was cheating. My earliest memories are of my dad getting me drunk as a fucking kid and kicking the shit out of me. Even worse than him doing it was when […]
you guys know, a year ago I thought I will just change my life. I will make a plan- work hard- make money- get tall and handsome with surgery- get girls- make something out of my life. rofl who was i kidding? for this one fucking year I have been making plans after plans but none work. I just guess that not everyone is meant to have a happy life no matter how hard they try.
Just a quick post. My life sucks. I’m very suicidal am saving up to end my life maybe two months from now. But to save I have to give up tobacco which is going to be tough and kurb the alcohol. I’m schizophrenic and depressed and whenever I get meds for depression they work but aggregates my schizophrenia which totally suck because other than that the meds work OK. I get bored easily too which I can’t find work and dread working so my life sucks. I have been a hard worker most my life until I got my illness a few years ago. I […]