My whole life I’ve felt that I will never live to anyone’s expectations and I haven’t. My sister is really smart and has this good life with her boyfriend, my dad wants me to follow her. I tried but I can’t, I can’t just go through school like it’s nothing I actually have to work unlike her, and I will never marry a guy because I’m gay and I kinda have a fear of men. So no matter what I know I will never be good enough, I wish I wasn’t a coward and hurry up and pull the trigger
Tag:
work
It’s days like today when I’m in so much pain that I can’t even go to work that I am the most miserable. I hurt so bad I can barely move and so all I can do is sit here and think. Thinking is dangerous.
I don’t know why they have to be so damn mean.
I’m 40 years old. It shouldn’t feel like high school at work. They say to get my shit straight so I can work full time again. I am trying my hardest. I’m sorry I’m not as “perfect” as you
Relationships often make me feel empty and hollow. I’ve had friends in my life, and it seemed like the more I knew someone, the less there was to like about that person. Nowadays, I rarely leave the house. The only people who know for sure that I’m not dead are my family members and psychiatrists. I’ve told my therapist that I’m tired of living. Everyone says that I’m just inexperienced in life, and that I’ll be happier later on in life. I’m very doubtful. They think I’m just being stubborn, which is probably true. The problem that I have with life is that it’s boring […]
I don’t know how I ended up here. I had so much “potential.” I was smart, funny and somewhat attractive. Atleast on the outside. I suffer alone, in silence. I go through my day taking care of everyone and everything else while inside the pain is unbearable. On the outside people would say what do I have to complain about? They don’t understand. They see what I allow them to see. I try to compensate for my emotional pain with outward success. The more I hurt the more I try to accomplish. I feel so lost. I have always been expendable to the people that […]
Hi again.
Today was pretty stressful, as are most days. I feel like I’m writing to a diary but people are actually commenting, so that makes me feel a little better about it. In the last post I used initials for the people’s names in case they find this and try and do something about it. My ex-best friend are out for blood, and it’s not their own.
Basically, my friend T is actually my friend, but I found it out a little later on. This morning she was hugging one of my friends and I walked up to her and she walked straight past me like I wasn’t […]
A disclaimer to the world.
I really don’t belong. There’s no conceivable place on this planet where I belong.
The public is my enemy. If you put someone in front of me, I’ll do everything in my power to disregard them, including not-disregarding them. My mask is so genuine that it even deceives myself half the time, such is the cost of being able to blend into society, and avoid being a homeless bum the rest of my pitiful existence (of which will continue to be a pitiful existence, bum or not, however bums are publicly pitiful, which is why I’m willing to throw myself away most […]
I used to be so good at the charade of living (going to work, paying my bills, staying fed, keeping up appearances etc). Now, every moment is a fight. I have no will to maintain my life anymore. Being at work feels like a joke. I want to jump in front of a train, but instead, I ride it to the office everyday. Why? So that I can maintain my lifestyle until I die.
I frigging hate living! Oh my god! Every moment feels like gravel in my bloodstream. I spend most of my waking hours doing things I’d rather not be doing, and the rest […]
Hi everyone its been awhile since ive been on here but lets just say i havent been doing so well… im scared, i sometimes feel like there’s no way out of things…im just tired i tried doing things to get things off my mind but sometimes that doesnt even work. Comment back if you would like to hear my story, i would really like to talk to someone.
I’m a 15 year old Sophomore in highschool.
I don’t believe in God, so I don’t believe in heaven or hell. I think the only reason people “love” God is because they don’t want to risk going to hell IF God is real. Humans act on self interest, right?
Back to suicide, I plan on commiting suicide after I graduate high school. I’m not depressed at all, and there is no underlying depression, but I just think life is pointless. You work hard in highschool so you can go to college and work hard so you can get a job, and then you work hard for the […]
Things are beyond hopeless. Things are ridiculous. Came to realizations too late in life. I’m almost 50 and just realized that my parents are self entitled critical narcissists who eroded my self esteem and that I spent 15 years with a spouse who is just like them. I have been the take it and put up with the bs – in every relationship and work place. Because why ? Because I settled and took the first boyfriend/job that comes along to get out of the debacle…the cycle has been continuous. Fast forward to now: I have no money and will run out of dog food […]
Again. Another day. I hear my two youngest that share my home leave for work. My daughter’s little dog comes into my room after she’s gone to work and cries to at me to be picked up. I do, and she digs under my blankets and falls asleep.
Hour by hour goes by. I fight to stay asleep. Noon comes. Noon gives way to one o’clock. Then it’s two o’clock. I dread the searing pain of getting up. It’s the end of the third week of the month and pain meds are dwindling. Not enough. My bank account is dwindling. I should be up and looking for […]
Thet is hard to imagine, in the thick of a depressive moment that emotions can lift and the depression can leave. After years and y,ears dealing with my depression, I find this is all too true! But we must remember, esp in the middle of an episode that it can change and it can lift!
This morning started out rough, last night’s depression continued to linger. I HAD to go to work, I wanted to go to work, but my heart was really back in the muck. So much so that when a lady asked me for a ride, I was mad. Oye. Not like me. […]
…made it to work today. It was hard but I tried to call on god, the universe and all the powers that be to get me here. I made it. Can’t focus but I’m here. trying to focus. Trying to get on the right track but I can’t do anything except think about my inner sadness.
I want to break free (just like Freddy mercury) but it’s hard. I break free a bit and then get some things done but then I’m back inside like a boomerang. Today is particularly bad.
My boo gets home tomorrow. maybe she’ll even want to see me. She makes […]
keeps trying to take him from me. if he goes to work for his stupid uncle traveling he knows I can’t do that. now he’s gone for two days and I didn’t even know I just want out. how many energy drinks do I have to drink? alcohol will be included in this too
Fear is my problem. I’ve always thought that I have the mind to be dominant in any venture I choose, if not for my withdrawn nature. ‘Shy’ has been my label for as long as I can remember, but now it’s apparent to me that fear is what holds me back. I’m completely crippled by fear, unable to make life progress that involves going outside my comfort zone. I should note that the psychological blocks in my mind are really the only thing the matter with me; I live a pretty charmed life. Everything I want is within my grasp, I just need to find […]
I am writing this, mainly to get things out. I have nobody to talk to, and I want to explain my situation before I go.
When I was in primary school, life was okay, how can’t it be when your so young? I was very intelligent, a good kid, never really got into any trouble, and had some friends. When I was 10, I lost my father to a heart attack. This hugely affected my family, which already wasn’t a big family. Each day just walking around the house, I would randomly find my mum crying.
As I was so young, I managed to get past this, […]
my anxiety has been out of fucking control these past couple of days and it’s making my depression worse I can’t ever breathe and I’m constantly worrying. I don’t know what to do anymore cutting is starting not to work.
My name is Joseph…..I’m a cutter, and I’m sick of being alive. I have nothing and nobody, and I’m worthless. I refuse to act on suicide anymore though because I’m sick of being locked up in those inpatient prisons for the mentally ill. Getting no help. On August 26th, I drove out in front of a semi going 70 in my 2012 Ford Focus. I was ready to end it. I was sick of the pain. It tore up my car, but somehow I walked away from it. Then my mom decided to kick me out so she could have her piece of crap, sleezebag […]
Anxious,Depressed but now mostly Confused (Is cracking up n going crazy the only thing left for me..)..
by confusedboy
written by confusedboy
Hello i am a 21 year old boy with depression and anxiety problem.Wish i had known about this page years ago but no worries.ok here we go.I have always been a depressed kid since i can remember.i was kept in a school hostel since the age of 6 cause my parents had to go abroad to work.The hostel was worst.They gave bad food (worms in food,burnt,always potato) and on top of that they charged more money.The person incharge of looking after us was the most miserable person i have ever met,always beating us and taking whatever stuff our parents had sent via parcel.I can still […]