I feel lost and scared. I am stuck in a rut with work and school. I am not the person I thought I would be at this point in my life.. Just don’t feel like I can turn to anyone. I have had bad thoughts running through my head too often and they keep coming. The people I could talk to have vanished I don’t know how to continue on faking like I’m okay. I don’t know how to life live knowing I’m not who I want to be and trying to change doesn’t satisfy anyone they want immediate change and I can’t provide that
Tag:
work
Being alone and being lonely are completely different notions. Being alone is the act of being secluded or apart from other human beings…Being lonely is the emotional detatchment you get from having no emotional connections. You can be in a stadium full of people and still be lonely. That is what I am, lonely. I revel in being alone. I love it. I can walk around my apartment naked if I really wanted to and there would be no one to complain but myself. And up until recently, I never minded be lonely, either. But now, I’m losing sight of any real reason to continue. […]
My mother’s schizo finally did it, she can’t work anymore, still doesn’t admit she needs treatment, I don’t know if she’s taking her meds but knowing her it’s the last thing she’ll do, it’s way too nice to make my life even more of a hell. I can’t earn more, I can’t get a better job, or I can’t get a second job, whether she accepts it or not. Nobody understands me. I don’t, either. Why do I still care who’s gonna take care of her when I’m dead, I don’t know! I definitely don’t want to do anything for her anymore. Yet I still […]
I want to cry, I keep going from feeling pain and hurt to feeling numb. I get really annoyed with certain people and I don’t know why, just them txting me will just annoy me. It sucks all of it the whole concept of life, of living. No matter how hard I try to care to want things for myself I can’t. I’m working and going to school and putting in all my time and efforts to being the best I can be, but at the end of the day I don’t care it doesn’t mean anything to me. My life is empty and I […]
I don’t particularly like to sleep. Slept 7 hours last night, better than most nights. Guess I’m happy about that but my body is achey and tired and i want to stay in bed forever. Getting out of bed is the hardest thing in the world lately. just a few weeks of not getting up on time, not starting my day. My therapist tells me to be proud of myself for getting to work at all. I want to be, I do.
I don’t know what I want. Life doesn’t really seem to have a point. The last few years I’ve been operating on the idea […]
First of all sorry but i have wrote a lot, i have poured as much as i can say into this and feel completely lost and don’t know where to turn. I don’t want to burden anyone else with my problems but i just have no dea what to do.
I’m pretty much back to square one. I’ m no better than the 16 year old me who left school and had nothing to show for it.
I was diagnosed with manic depression at the age of 16 (although they were plenty of signs that i had this throughout my childhood) […]
I don’t even know where to begin.
I don’t even know if this website is still active.
I just, there’s some thing weird going on inside me and I don’t know how to explain it.
I’ve been suffering for 6 years, depression and anxiety. PTSD.
I sometimes feel like I’m getting better, but then suddenly… I’m just not.
I don’t want to die, but I feel misplaced here. I find myself crying to go home… but I am home. I’m in my bedroom, but I still cry for home. Home is where the heart is, but where is my heart?
I hope I don’t violate the rules on this website. Please, […]
I am a gambling addict, I have borrowed money, stolen from my parents, even embezzled from my work to fund my addiction.
I am 32 and a father of two young boys aged 3 & 9, I practically have no relationship with my wife, I guess we are still together only because of the kids…
The current situation is that all the chickens are going to come home to roost. My lenders are lining up outside my door every morning, I don’t think I can hide my embezzlement at work for too long.
I have three options,
1. Stick a gun up my mouth,
2. Run away start a new […]
NoSelfRespect
Well my first memories where of nursery school my babysitter use to take us.I was a boy with big teeth and a speech […]
Only 17 years old and I have so much to say and I would never be able to remember it all to write it down at once. I don’t understand the purpose of our species, we are reckless and materialistic. The closest people to me don’t even know that I think of suicide nearly every night, I go to work and wonder if the people I work with can even sense that I hate life. I’ve been thinking about it for years, and i remember being younger and trying to hold my breath until I died underwater but obviously that doesn’t work. I’ve pondered the […]
Most days I am so horribly bored. Do I ever need a bloody job! Not that jobs in general are a lot of fun, but anything’s gotta be better than sitting on my a** all day. Or going into town, killing time, no one to see, escaping into the internet on my smartphone, just ‘out’ for the sake of being out and because I cannot stand being cooped up on my own anymore.
I should not be contemplating suicide out of boredom! This is not a good reason (and is actually not mine). Work is a necessary evil in this world, it’s just the way it […]
I just want to say something before I leave and finish what I have started. It was nice meeting all of you from CC, TC and SP I may not talk much but just having a place to come and read and share thoughts has helped me for a while. I have been planning this for weeks and I picked tonight for no reason but it is the best night i could have picked. I am done trying I am done taking to people and I am sick of every doctor you talk to wanting too put you on medication. I know….. I self medicate […]
So feed up with life right now, I’m tempted to just end it all but since nothing seems to be working for me right now, it probably wouldn’t work anyways! 🙁
I will try not to cry myself all the way to work.. But I know it’s useless to fight it
🙁
I can’t stand people who complain, but won’t change the situation. Just complain about it. Some people say, I hate my job, but don’t actively look for other work or better their resumes to find a job with more to offer. People say, dating sucks (and it does! Don’t let anyone tell you different!) buy they don’t know what they’re looking for or are unwilling to give new things/people a shot. What I hate most is complaining about something that only you can change to fix. If you complain that you’re fat and unhappy, then maybe you should quit eating so much shit, work out […]
Since my relationship crumbled a few weeks ago, I have had this sinking feelingp in the pit of my stomach. I would wake up with it. It’d be with me until I went to bed at night. The only time i could ignore it was at work.
Sometimes, I’d wake up in the morning and cry myself into a vomit session. Worst part about that is not having ingested anything but weed and alcohol for the past 23hours. I’d rather drink than eat. Eating is so hard now but it used to be my favorite thing. Now nothing has taste. I went to bed last night […]
All this fucking shit that has happened to me has played serious hell on my health. My work is extremely exhausting and I’ve been spilling more tears than I’ve been able to drink water. I’m about two metaphorical steps away from an actual emergency room visit. Some of you already understand how bad it is.
But the point is that the choice to recover is eminent! I can’t let myself sink so far off that it takes my life. I’m not done with it, there is still so much to do and see.
I’ve got 3 days off of work.. So I’m getting desperate for […]
I am a construction worker..
But I am also an artist.
Everyday some one comes up to me at work and reminds me of this. My work is complex and truly beautiful to the untrained eye.. Kinda like my life!
But everyday I work alone.. And I am reminded of that too.
I’m always being asked.. “Are you alone?” “don’t you have any help?”
“Do you always work alone?”
My response is always the same..
This is my life, it’s what I do…
It’s all I know!
Everyday reads of poetry.. In my words and in my actions. In the way I hold my self […]
Growing up i believed that if i didn’t have enough i could work harder
if i wasn’t smart enough i could work harder
if i wasn’t pretty enough …work harder
if i wasn’t talented, i just had to work harder
When i was younger i believed that if i work hard enough my effort would pay off, that makes sense. But this world isn’t about making sense, instead of being awarded for my effort i had to confront reality.
Working hard is tiring and all those who have intelligence, looks, and talent who never had to work as hard don’t know how it feels to try so […]
So I have never blogged before but I figured it might help to get some of this stuff off my chest.
Where to begin???? Well currently I am going through a divorce from the mother of my 2 youngest children and I have no one to blame but myself.
I love her so much but have hurt her over and over again throughout the last 6 years. I have been unfaithful more times than I can count and I deserve for her to leave me. I would have left me a long time ago. She is the most beautiful, patient and forgiving woman ever. She is the […]