I was first diagnosed with depression in my teens. I was supposed to be medicated but No my parents wouldn’t do that. I left home early to get away from abuse and thought I was running towards love. I was wrong. I tried going to hospitals for help but I had no insurance so it was like I didn’t exist. Years went by and I got worse. Eventually I snapped and tried to kill myself. Recently I found out I have a heart condition and had to go to the hospital. They told me not to work. I applied for Social Security but it’s taking […]
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worse
What a horrible day. I feel like a complete fuck up. I’ve decided not to eat today just to punish myself. Maybe I will do better tomorrow. Probably not though. I forsee things getting worse.
Being so socially inept, isolated, and awkward, I completely damaged any social skills I had left. My own family doesn’t feel uncomfortable around me and I’ve just shut them out for months now. I can’t make friends even though I try so hard to be funny and nice, but my personality is so unattractive and annoying. It doesn’t help that I have social anxiety too. I’ve even stopped feeling attachment to people, like I can’t feel their emotions and care; it’s all dismissed as either “I don’t care” or they’re just manipulating me. Now I don’t even care about making friends, it’s such a bother; […]
I started freshman year of high school with slight signs of depression. I was at a stage were i hate myself. I didn’t like anything about myself. I had plenty of friends, but none who i felt i could confide in. I felt alone and worthless.
I told a few friends about how I felt, but i only told them vaguely. They all would go on rants about how amazing i was and that in no way was i worthless. I never believed them.
School started and it was getting harder. I was starting to develop an anxiety disorder. Before then i had never felt […]
I am too depressed to do anything, I can’t get any homework done because im too depressed, I just look at dead girls on the internet and masturbate, then I suffocate myself and masturbate, then I cry and punch the walls, then I go to sleep. And at school Im too depressed to focus on my work, No one understands how I feel, I already trusted someone before and now even if people know about my depression it just makes things worse
I hate when people make fun of me for liking a specific thing. Those people don’t understand that, that band was the only thing there for me when I felt terrible about myself. Constantly people laugh and make jokes about it and I always think to myself “well they helped me from doing bad things to myself.” You should never make fun of something that someone else likes, because you don’t know what it means to them. That thing could be the most important thing in the world to them, and just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean that it is crazy.
It turns out it does.
How the hell do people find any will to do anything, I don’t understand. One guy told me to “wake up”, I understand what he was saying and I agree with him but I just can’t find anything inside me that has even an iota of positive will.
I can’t understand how people are able to go about their daily lives, am I the only one as fucked as I am? Of course not.
I’ve started doing an online course in programming, to try and regain that lost knowledge I had a year ago but I’m supposed to move out of the house by […]
I guess I’m just feeling alone and discouraged. I live with my friends and they are all at university, getting there lives together, and then there is me. The people I live with, their parents pay for everything for them, their rent, food, shopping. I have to pay for everything for myself. I may sound like I’m complaining but its very hard to watch your friends get things handed to them when you are struggling. Sometimes I wish I was born into a very rich family with parents who are never around or don’t really care for me. I don’t know what would be worse, […]
I’m planning on making an appointment to get on antidepressants soon, I also plan on going to counseling soon. I am so incredibly terrified of going into the doctor’s office and telling them I’m depressed. I don’t even know why, but just the idea makes me sick to my stomach. Also the idea of going to counseling really scares me, I went to counseling once when I was younger because I was forced to go by the SRS since my parents were abusive. I’ve hidden my depression for so long, and I’ve been depressed and cutting myself since I was 11, and I’m 19 now. […]
I wish I could hear him say:
‘I’m with (her) and happy.
You’re forgiven for being a ****.
I’ve changed.
I’m alive. Are you?’
If he’d changed things, I could let go.
If I didn’t think of him, the depression wouldn’t be as painful – but that’s what’s bringing me back here. Remembering feeds the depression each time it gets worse. Before that, it was getting easier.
I’m getting more suicidal. I can’t and won’t kill myself, so I just have to try to accept it and work around it.
I can’t sleep again. I think I’m getting ill. I’m too hot and cold.
I crashed again today and came […]
I’m a 23 year old guy. Finished My Uni degree last year. The last year of uni was rough to say the least. Went through a lot of cutting and now my left arm is a ruined mess, scars so big and ugly that there is no hope in hell of ever wearing short sleeves again.
I felt so defeated by the time I completed my degree that I didn’t go to my graduation ceremony and I only picked up my certificate 5 months later. I haven’t gotten any jobs since then, been unemployed for a whole year. My family ridicules and demeans me at every […]
im so tired life is getting heavier and heavier my thoughts are getting worse and im so sick of bad thoughts. my medicine doesnt work at night.
My doctor decided to take me from 60mg cymbalta twice a day to absolute Zero. Deffinatly feeling worse but for some reason cutting is helping. Anyone else have any experience or info on why that is?
I feel like if I could just feel happy sometimes, I could make it happen more often. Is there anyone else who hardly remembers being happy? I have better times, but they’re still painful. I still feel virtually powerless over my depression. I feel like I should have it figured out by now. It’s been years.
I looked in the mirror earlier, and apart from the walking stick and dressing gown, I looked like an ordinary healthy person. Some days I can function almost completely normally, and I think I must have been exaggerating – I hardly remember what the worst days were like. But it […]
Hell, it’s corny as all fuck but I don’t care. Lately my personal situation has left me with more of a relation to Mr. Brightside than most songs. Well, that and a need to have one goddamn drink. Being alone sucks, but to know who you’d like to be spending time with is ignoring you, and is with their boyfriend just makes it that much worse. Experiencing one of the big depression symptoms which is… Any guesses? You Sir, You madam! You guessed it, lethargy. The girl’s out there doing God knows what for God knows what reason, and I’m sitting here talking about a […]
There was a time when I was fairly content with life. Took a lot of things for granted, things I should’ve cherished but instead just let them pass me by. I let myself just dwindle, sliding down further without me even knowing it. I wish there was a way I could go back in time and tell my reckless, dumb self to be more wary and careful. This all stemmed from me never looking at myself with love, I always thought I had to prove something, to be someone I was never meant to be. I should’ve just accepted who I was. If life presents […]
This is one of the strange feelings I have about suicide. I easily believe that if I die by natural means or accident, I’ll simply perish forever. But if I try suicide I cannot imagine that I’ll be dead, I feel like I’ll survive somehow and end up in a worse situation. Even if I make sure that I do everything right, I cannot imagine that I’ll be able to kill myself. I feel like there is 0% chance of success. I feel immortal somehow.
Science and my logic says that this cannot be the case. If you make sure that you kill yourself, you’ll be […]
years on this bitter, sour soil has taught me x amount of useless information.
1). Some hugs feel like thorns.
2). Most breaths are filled with poison.
It’s a pretty shitty thing to think about the way you want to die, and the need to die and the awful way you joke about it to yr friends, making it seem like a fuhkd up joke but in reality you’re asking for help. They know you’re sick. You know you’re sick. Your therapist knows your sick. Also, do your parents. But no matter how much you fight it seems static and thick. It stays. Unmoving. Instead of getting […]
Tool has one of the most intelligent lyrics of any band I ever heard. The lyrics that jump out to me the most is “why can’t we not be sober, just want to start this over, why can’t we drink forever”…..then the next line is “why can’t we sleep forever”. – I can totally relate. I wanna drink forever and wish I could sleep forever. It’s a song that can have many different meanings in accordance with people’s personal experiences. It’s deeper than drug or alcohol addiction – for me, I want to just go and sleep forever. Being sober hurts because of my mental […]
I’ve been a suicideproject reader for a year now. Been depressed for 8 years, but it’s getting on and off.
Why is it so hard to leave this world? Why is it not legal to end our own life?
I keep thinking about the homeless people, people who went crazy and just roam around in the streets. I put myself into their shoes and it made me more depressed. I thought that maybe someday I will become like them. NO!! I can’t take it anymore. I want to take my own life as soon as possible. I always cry every night. Even though I am still hanging […]