I can feel it. The pull to take a beer or any other drink I have every night, when the thoughts come creeping up. The sweet, blissful promise of release from the voices in my head and the cool, refreshing feeling as the liquid touches the back of my throat, giving me a sensation similar to falling into the arms of someone who cares. They won’t shut up, so I drown them. Just for tonight, because a permanent way to shut them up doesn’t seem to exist. A constant battle, day after day, always ending in my twisted, ironic victory. Like fighting a bomb – […]
Tag:
worst
Waking up from a failed suicide attempt is one of the worst feelings I have experienced in my life. Twice. Why can’t I just die? I would gladly give my life to save someone else if I could.
after my first post i realised that as much as i hate talking about what bothers me, i have to… so here goes… this is the reason why i have lost my way, my happiness and my self..
All through high school my parents fought, as much or maybe more than every married couple does, but after a while my dads drinking had gotten worse by the day, my parents stopped sleeping in the same room, they stopped having conversations ( apart from the usual ‘whose gonna pay the bills’ argument), and we stopped being a family.
When i started university and they assumed i was now […]
is it bad that since my best friend has been ‘stripped’ of the ability to talk to me by her parents and changed schools by her parents because of her boyfriend….which has caused me to stop telling people things and just pushing them away even though i know they care and are really trying to help?
I feel like they shouldn’t be dragged into this….into my sorrow and sadness since, year 11 its important they don’t need the stress its stressing enough.
Days are so lonely now without my best friend to talk to and it sometimes just feels good to ignore people and be alone but […]
Waiting for the outcome of a criminal investigation. Could take months. A few weeks ago I was on top of the world. Now the good things are all in the past. Lost my job. Worst of all, whatever happens I’m putting my family through hell. Not sure I can live with that. They don’t deserve this pain. Better off without me I think. Nights are best. I want to stop the world at 1 a.m. Hate it when dawn comes up. Another pointless day to struggle through. Everyone else is doing stuff, contributing to the world. As I was, up to a few weeks […]
It totally sucks balls i have entities and voices trying to guide me through suicide. They suck arse.. The only way im going to do it is when i save up for a car and **s myself. Voices suck just stay away from drugs. Cant wait to end myself i wouldnt wish schizophrenia on my worst enemy i so fukin wouldnt. Almost ade os amigos. Cant reason with them side effects of mental illness and drugs is sleep lots and cant focus. Its almost over rover and expect no one to post because i cant contain this shit cant wait until my time comes
I rambled with the worst of them.
Fell in love with a harlequin.
Saw the darkest hearts of men.
And I saw myself staring back again.
I am so fucking selfish.
So self-absorbed.
So unworthy.
I think I’m a monster.
Less than a year ago, I have done so many horrible things and the worst is, I tried to commit suicide. I have put to shame my very own name and the names of many others. I was 18 and I was at the lowest of lows, I have experienced a wide assortment of emotions. I have felt a way no one should ever be allowed to feel.
Up to now, I still can’t tell exactly why I did it. I was just so mixed up inside and I do not know what triggered me to do such thing. I never thought I could do […]
Losing my mind with this solitary life. People say they care. If they cared then where the fuck are they? I’ve been abandoned by everyone I called a friend. Another day trapped in this world. Another day of dreaming for an exit.
I just don’t know how things got this way. Everything is so fucked up.
I’ve never really done this before but, here I go-?
I once had a friend. I called him Smith at times. We’ve been close since we were little. Me and him were inseparable. In late 2010 he found out he had cancer. No one told me until 2013. I pretended to know in front of other friends. He died July 27th 2014. I can’t live with myself. it’s been half a year and I can’t move on. Why? I don’t know. I ask myself this constantly hoping for an answer. Why didn’t I treat him better. Maybe I did? Elias tells me I did. But I […]
Why is it that you ruined my life every chance it goes good, why do you feel the need, you may have rasied me but that wasnt your job to do your job was to be a sister yet you never was you made my life hell. I was the one cleaning your puke up i was the one doing food shopping you thought i would never cope in this life but ive done well im managing my life right now arent i. Just do me a favour and leave my life to me you caused chaos when we was younger we never would of […]
Just one more day before I can stop worrying about school for a full week. I’m going to go visit some family, which is weird considering the fact that my relationships with them are….strained (for lack of a better word) at the best, and potentially homicidal at the worst. You may think I’m exaggerating, but my brother has attempted to kill me on several occasions. Pretty much the only reason I’m going is to visit my youngest sister, the only family member I have that I really consider family. Seeing everyone else is going to suck, though. I’m just trading the stress of school for […]
i realized i am not alone with my slightly suicidal feelings, loneliness, and sadness. If worst comes to worst and there is no afterlife, at least there is peace at the end right? And if there is a heaven, I think God would open his arms after us suffering so greatly. its rough, but hey, thats the truth. last year i dealt with some pretty rough stuff, and i hope it may get better. I learned alot about my illness, and realize there are many others out there with things, and are too poor to have them fixed. i feel better than i did last […]
Our CULTure seems to believe that death is the worst thing that can ever happen. If someone is overdosing on heroin, the medical professionals inject them with something to bring them back. I’m thinking – just let them go! something in the addicts probably want to die anyway! Or if someone gets burned nearly to death in an accident, doctors will do everything they can to save there lives knowing that they will suffer for the rest of it. If your already out of it then the worst is over! so why bring them back just to suffer and die again? Same goes with suicide. If […]
I had 4 public speaking engagements in three days, I taught a class and then went to a kick off for a charity walk. No classes this week – spring break. I still have a shitload of homework to do but I am about to leave for Niagara Falls to gamble for a 3 day vacation. I am on the Deans list with honors 4 semesters in a row but I think this class I’m taking is going to drop my GPA. So I joined a couple honor societies while I still have the GPA to be invited to these things. I need something to […]
Hmm… Well I’m 27. And this feeling(s) have not subsided since my adolescence. On the contrary, every year gets worse. There is so much to write about. I don’t feel like getting into most of it. But I will say the one of the worst feelings is when you regret regretting ending your life. And it haunts me so. And I know that if don’t end it sunday. Monday will be full of regrets. Deep down I don’t want to end it. I mean I do, but at the same time. I want something worth living to stop me. Ofcourse I feel like a coward […]
”if you’re going to try,
go all the way.
otherwise,
don’t even start.
if you’re going to try,
go all the way.
this could mean losing girlfriends,wives, relatives, jobs
and
maybe your mind.
go all the way.
it could mean not eating for 3 or4 days.
it could mean freezing on a park bench.
it could mean jail,
it could mean derision,
mockery,
isolation.
isolation is the gift,
all the others are a test of your endurance,
of how much you really want to do it.
and you’ll do it
despite rejection and the worst odds
and it will be better than anything else […]
Im female, I’m 14 and have been self harming for 3yrs now. I was raped 5 times all by different people, beat by my step mom, ignored by my father, and I have tried to kill myself countless times. I have a few close friends that know what I’ve gone through and I have a girlfriend who is completely oblivious to the shit I’ve gone through… I just wanted to put a brief summary of my story out there so people know that sometimes it could be worst. Try and stay strong
I shouldn’t be awake right now. I have to be up for work at 6. But I can’t sleep. I’ve been heartbroken over the same person for a year now. As soon as i start to forget him, he contacts me again. I just spoke to him and I feel like the worst kind of person because I’m seeing someone else. But he and I were together for two years. We were engaged. And then he cheated. I’m in college and lost my biggest scholarship because I don’t have enough hours. I now owe $1000 that I don’t have. I’m doing so badly in some […]
Its like, things were all right and when the best times were yet to come, things went to the worst. Lost my one and only. Everyday waking up hoping that things would at least be better this day, while i end up in my bed crying in the night regretting and wanting a rewind button in my hand to fix things and make it as perfect and beautiful like it was. Now just the though of dying, depression, hopeless…….flows through my mind.
Now, wanting things to get better are only wishes that i can make everyday, when a cold and sad shooting star passes by. My […]