i tried and failed I guess I didn’t have enough ********. I got to see my daughters for 45 min they hugged me non stop and told me they loved me so much.
I will try again tonight and every night till I get this right I don’t want to hurt anymore and I don’t want my kids to cry anymore. I pray that God will take me and save someone else, it just needs to end. Why can’t God see I am done he is suppose to have mercy, maybe I am so worthless even God himself doesn’t want me!
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((((lostfather)))) My heart breaks for you. You are working so hard to go. Please look for a reason to live. A reason for YOU. Pain is suffering and the hurt is suffocating. But you are beneath that pain and that person deserves a chance to live.
Please work a little on finding a resource to help you- to keep going. Think of this… you give up and the next moment life could change and you will miss it.
It’s not that you don’t want your daughters to cry again, you don’t want to SEE your daughters cry again because cry they will when they know of your suicide, it’ll be there for all time. You want a reason to live, there’s two reasons that hug you and love you, they want you to be there for them while they grow up. The stuff you are facing now, and I agree it’s horrible what you are going through and I feel for you, but it won’t last forever and your daughters will be adult and they’ll want you in their lives and yet you want to miss this. I hope you can realise you do have a future with them, it will be difficult to get through this stage in your life, but if you try, the next phase of you life can be happy as a father to your two daughters when they are more independent. It’s clear you love them and they love you, please see this and keep going for them, you can’t predict the future, things can and do change, be there for them.
Your daughters will hurt if you go. You are their father and they only have one. They will need you through their lives. I can only speak for myself and my experience with my father. He’s not dead, but he is an asshole and was never there through my life and my hardest times. It still hurts even though I’m grown up now. I understand that you’re hurting and just want to put an end to it. but wouldn’t it be worth to break through and see your daughters grow up? You will never know how they will end up if you go. I always thought it was my fault that my father didn’t want me, and trust me, you don’t want that kind of thoughts for your kids. But you shouldn’t only think of them as a reason to live. You should find something for you too. But for starters, you should hold on for your kids. the pain will be temporary.
I really hope that you’ll pull through. Best wishes to you!
you’re still here!! I am so glad!! I wanted to share a little about myself before it was too late. I was raised without a father, he left before I was born. My mother was… hmm… not much of one, I’ll leave it at that. Anyhow, the point to this is that from about ages 4-6 I was molested by my stepfathers 20some year old son. It was ignored. In high school I was raped twice, and since then I’ve been in a abusive relationship. I am completely broken, beyond repair…
ok, the point of why I tell you this… I am convinced that if my father would have stayed, none of this would have happened. He would have watched over me, made men accountable, and ultimately, I would not have been consumed with the need for ‘daddy love’. I never stood a chance when my dad left. I was deemed something without value, without consequence, disposable.
I do not judge, believe me, I get it. I just hope with all my heart that something happens in your life to make you want to continue the fight. I wish someone would have spoken for me when I was a little girl, so I speak for your daughters. You cannot imagine how detrimental your absence will be for them. I would give anything in the world to have a dad.
I hope you don’t perceive this as pressure or an attempt to change your mind. Not at all. I believe you have the right to choose a life without pain. I only send you all the good karma I can muster, I hope for you a love that heals your wounds and completes your soul- I wish this, for your daughters.
I don’t believe in God (for obvious reasons) so I do not pray but I will keep my fingers crossed for you…
I do hope you will heed the words of each commenter above. I already said my peace on the matter on one of your previous posts and don’t have much more to add, but I will leave you with this:
Regardless of how things may be between you and your daughters at the moment, they will one day be young adults and later grown women with the legal right and capability to make their own decisions in regard to their relationships with you. People often tend to view situations differently with more years passed and a better understanding of things. Best wishes to you.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
god doesnt give a fuck. sooner u get that through ur head better off youll be.
I know what you’re going through lostfather and I’m so sorry to hear everything thats going on in your life. But do you want to leave your daughters without a daddy? Especially from suicide? I dont want to tell you not to do this because then I would be a hypocrite, but Im just thinking of this with your daughters in mind. Please try and rethink this and hopefully you decide not to go through with it, but either way tell your daughters you love them as much as you can, I have a daughter as well that I dont get to see because my ex wife is an evil ****