I heard from an old friend again yesterday. He’s this 20 year old kid who has a hard time dealing with life and figuring out what he wants and who he is. I’ve known him since he was 16 but never met in person because he lives way too far away. He looks up to me for advice and such but he will talk to me for a few days then disappear for months on end, leaving me to feel like I can’t rely on him coz he’s just a kid. He waited until he was 18 to tell me that he liked me and was interested in being with me. Well this time he’s making a real honest effort to get his life together and it’s a 2 year commitment if he sees it through. He’s in the Job Corps. It sounds like hell on earth and like a cult. He can’t stand the other people his age that he has to room with and be in class with. I hope for his sake that he finishes the program because he would come out with a degree and certification. I think he’s the only person that can help me feel less alone, but as I said there will be months and months and months that go by between communications. I already feel too attached to the idea that this kid will come and save me from a life of utter loneliness when the program is over. And I feel like it’s such a waste of life for me and the man I love both for him to not be with me. I can see his life working out the way he wants it to, and he’ll end up with one heartless gold digging ***** after another just trying to grab the claim to neighborhood fame that they got the big tall tattoo artist to be with them. Other people don’t have the capacity to love that I do. And what woman out there gives as much of herself to a man? I know their games because I was always dragged into them against my willingness to participate in dumb bitches’ popularity contests. That’s all it is, is a popularity contest, who can get the cool guy all the women want, and who is even cooler and more popular than him that I can target next. That’s what females play. And he thinks that’s love. An 80lb body is some automatic indication of love and romance to him. It’s such a waste of our lives that he doesn’t choose me to care for him the way I would for the rest of my life. And my only shred of hope of salvation lies in a confused 20 year old having a rough time at figuring out who he is and what his life is supposed to be. But I feel attached to him too. If a young guy is all I can get, then so be it. I’d take him. -sigh-
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
12 comments
80lb?!
You’re really down on the women that guy is into, but he’s the one who surrounds himself with them.
If you like the young guy then go for it. But only if you like him. It’s not fair and won’t lead to good things otherwise. And I wouldn’t rely on a confused 20 year old or anyone else to save you. Relying on a person too much is how people get really, really hurt at some point or another. There’s nothing wrong with someone helping you, but relying on them alone to feel better isn’t enough.
The guy you still really like – this kind of shows how his attitude towards you is messing with your thoughts. You keep talking about yourself as though you’re some ugly, disgusting beast, but there’s already one person there you likes you as you are.
Well the guy I love acts like I’m disgusting. He ignores real love and goes for the easy party girls who aren’t serious at all. They don’t want him now because he’s not popular right now. When he was popular he got laid all the time. Then he lost it all and gained weight. Once he gets back into being a tatoo artist with a car he’ll be popular again and the dumb hoes will come back. Sure the 20 likes me he is also bi, possibly genderqueer, he doesn’t know yet.
That might happen… or he might realise he’s just barking down the wrong tree with those girls.
I guess with the younger guy you could wait and see how you feel when he’s been away.
Doubtful. The guy I love is used to being the cool guy every skank wants, and he’ll get his life back eventually.
As for the young guy, I mean, I have known him a long time and he is cute enough. He’s a chunky firey red head, and I like me some red headed boys too. Duh I’ve only dated 6 red headed guys before.. lol
I don’t think that’ll do him much good over time. If he really seems stuck on staying that way, you’ll just have to try move on until you really feel like you have.
The young guy sounds… kinda perfect.
Those are a lot of ifs. You might want to give yourself some time to clarify your thought, because the guy you love (sorry that i’m saying this) seems to be a piece of s*it and the young guy, even if seems pretty good like Trix says, is worth nothing if you’re still stuck on the guy you love… tricky situation.
Humans r not items at the grocery, where if u can’t afford the brand-name cereal, u buy the store brand instead as a substitute, even tho udl it as much.
That’s what ur doing with Mr. Big Dick Tat Guy (the brand-name) and Mr. 20yr Old Firecrotch (the generic brand.)
If ur only gonna be with the kid cuz udt u can do better… Well sorry, but fuck u. U dont do that to someone who has true feelings for u and just feel tepid about him and just want him to “save u.” That’s really selfish of u, esp since u said u havent met cuz he lives far.. so he’d be leaving all his friends and family expecting ur love to match his and uk it doesnt.
Personal story: my online gf moved across the country to be with me 10 days after she turned 18 and we married the next month on r 1yr anniversary of dating. In just a few months I lost my job as I was stricken with a chronic at the time mystery illness. No income and after my pill-dealing business went under, we had no way to pay rent or anything. So my wife tells me either we move back to her homestate out in the midwest or she’s gonna go without me. I loved her and respected my marriage vows and didnt wanna lose her, so I went with her, destroying my family and devestating my friends. We lived there ok for 2yrs or so but as soon as she turned 21 and I was left home most nites with the baby (did I mention we had a baby?) While she was drinking and slutting it up, cheating on me six ways to Sunday. Long story short (too late) we’re divorced and share equal custody and almost the same placement (I have majority placement.) Moral of the story? I’m all alone 700miles from my friends and family who really need me and I’m stuck here, so far. My only other choice would be to leave my daughter behind and move back to NY. What kind of father would that make me???
This situation is more common than u think. Don’t let that possibly happen to this kid unless u love with all ur heart, not just on the thought that he’s “ok” and can maybe “save u.” That would be wrong, and I think uk that. That’s why u posted for our advice. Just think before u act.
Nice post. I have had many people tell me that if I look long enough I will eventually find a woman who will accept me and tolerate my short comings. I have social anxiety and depression for 30 years and I struggle daily. No way would I ever want to be in a relationship with someone who was simply accepting me and tolerating me.
If I am unlovable then I choose to remain alone. Accepting any woman whom I didn’t really want to be with simply because she is willing to accept and tolerate me would do no good for the psychological health of either of us.
No fuck you I’m not even reading your shit after that. I have a longer history with the younger guy and I was willing to be with him earlier but we never got to meet because CO is too fucking far away. He is and has been an important person to e and I wouldn’t be hurting or using him if we got together. I’m the one that’s being passed up and discarded because I’m too ugly for the guy I fell for here to be with!
That’s ok, don’t take 2min to read something that reflects what might happen to u… So ur “willing to be with him” because ur true love “passed up and discarded” u? That sure sounds like true love to me. I def see no problems that could arise from that. For example, a young guy having an issue with his partner constantly pining for another guy and saying how disgusting he is certainly isn’t a recipe for infedelity. I wish I could find someone “willing” to be with me. Tough love hun.
Honestly, the way the post sounds is you are thinking of using the younger guy. Maybe it is not what you meant, but that is how it is coming across.
How would it be using someone I’ve known a lot longer and wanted to be with, but the distance kept us from meeting??? It’s not like he’s really a 2nd choice. I didn’t get attached or expect much of him because he is young and needs to figure himself out. That’s called giving him space to grow up. He’s from a state well over 1000 miles away from me and I had my grandmother to take care of. Shit happened, and I ended up in a new city meeting someone else. That’s called life. Doesn’t mean I never wanted the younger guy because I did.