This is going to be long.. Sorry people

  March 12th, 2009 by devils advocate

Hi my name is Madelaine and I am 19 years old. Iv been suicidal since I was about 13 years old and it just progressed from there. For 10 years I was sexually assaulted so as I started going from a little girl to a teenager my mind just soared with anger. I was bullied all through primary school and High school. I was the geek, the nerd, the one noone liked because to them I was ugly. It just kinda stuck so I think I am ugly…

My mother never accepted me. I was never good enough for her. So i just wanted to die even more. Mind you my own mother admitted to me she wanted to abort me when she found she was pregnant with me.

I use to cut all over, my legs, thighs, stomach, wrists, I tried cutting my heart out, cutting my face up. Anything to feel the cut and watch the blood and know that I was a step closer to death. I still cut, just not so often… I keep things bottled a lot of the time.  At the moment iv been in hysterics all day and I started cutting my elbow slit… You know, you got your wrists then a little further up you have the joint where your forearm and arm join together… My heart is broken by a stupid boy… Well my mates say hes stupid. We havent broken up but his text messages say it. I cant control myself anymore and I had been so good for 6 months…

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