What has happened to me?

  April 23rd, 2009 by howmuchcanibear

I am a 39 year old female, who has worked hard my whole life and up till a few years ago could not have been prouder of where I was, and how far I had came. I have never been in trouble with the law, and have been with my husband for over 20 years, and could never think of life any other way. Till 3 years ago. I had a siezure. I had not had any health problems at all before that, but after that first one, I had 3 more within 2 months. After many, many different doctors, we never found out why. But it caused something to me that I just can’t explain, nor can any of the doctors. I HATE myself now. I do not want to continue life, and everyday that goes by, is just another miserable day, with me demanding to know why I am still here. I worked for many years at our local hospital in the lab. I quit my job, and stop seeing my friends, let the voice mail pick up all my calls, and stop leaving my house. 3 years later I am still waiting for what the seizures started….for it all to end. I have been on anti- depressants, and they DO NOT WORK. I HATE MY LIFE. I do not want to go on. I don’t talk to my husband anymore, nor do I want him even around. I don’t like taliking to family, and don’t answer the door when they come, or the phone when they call. They all know how I feel. I am ready to take it to the next level if it isn’t going to happen soon, cause I simply am just to tired to go on in this lingo between life, and hell anymore. There is NEVER any good day’s. There are never any medium day’s. There are just day’s, after day’s,after day’s. They go on, and on. I sleep some day’s up to 15 hrs. a day, other day’s, I go 2-3 day’s with no sleep at all. I have prayed for God to just take me. This is no life for no one. I have been gone for 3 years now, why can’t he just let my body go, and let my family out of the hell they have had to endure the past 3 years? I have come to terms with this, it is time to let this empty shell go, and bury it, so that life can get back to normal for everyone else outside my four walls of hell. The light went out for me not them, I cant stand for them to live through the hell with me, why cant they. i HAVE NO IDEA HOW i CAN POSSIBLY JUSY TURN MY BACKYARD INTO A PLACE OF SOALLACE,WHERE WE CAN PRAY TO OUG GOD, AND NOT HAVE THE PROBLEMS FOLLOW US. WE RESPEST EVERTONES RIGHT TO PRIVACTTHIF MY MOYHT CANT COPE ANLONGER….HOWEVER MUCH IT HUTS ME, AND THE REST OF THE FAILY, THAT HAS CRUMBDLEDAPART. I WITNESS THESE HORRIBLE THIGS THAT ARE GING ON IN HR HEAD, ANS NOTHING,ONEONE HAS SAID, OR DONE HAS CHANGED HER VIEW ADOUT WHAY THE TRUE NATURAL ORDER FOR BE. I MIGHT BE AN OUT CAST FROM MY FAILY, BUT I DONT WANT HE TO HAVIVIVING TO HER THE SCREEM, IN THE MIDDIEOFTHE, JUST TO TRY TO JET IN TO SEE HER CHILDREN, SHE WAS TO TAKE A BREAK FOR NOE, MAYBE IF ANYONE IS INTESTRED IN SSCARED AND NERVOUS, PLEASE ANY INFO REGUARDING HER WII BE TAKE,M ZND KEPT TOTALLY SECULADUED.

ibeg from one mother to pray with us, have hope with us

thank you god on the hightesr

great powers you havd done

but praiseforth the maricicales that happend, but of the world that are fiially going to get the what has been conning but on th turms you want love

Processing your request, Please wait....