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How Do I [Title] Depression?

by semicharmdlife8

I’m new here. But I’m not new to the concept. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of cutting. I’m tired of pulling my hair out in frustration. I’m tired of being hated. I’m tired of walking into a room and wanting to run out for fear of people thinking I’m crazy or annoying.

I hate me.

I’m a 19 year old girl in college persuing an astrophysics and math double major. Yeah, I know. Same reaction I get from everyone. “Do you have some sort of death wish!?” If they only knew the truth in that question.

I’m not going to list the reasons that I feel sorry for myself, for everyone here probably isn’t interested in why I hate myself. I just want to state that I do.

I hate life.

I laugh at people who believe in god. Religious people crack me up. Just call me an astrophysicist I guess, but religion is a hilarious excuse for an explanation to the universe. I wish people would take 8 steps back and look at the gigantic picture in front of all of us: there is so much that cannot be explained, and yet it can be explained.  I’m tired of feeling small. Yes, there are 7 billion of us on this rock, but this is only a rock. One  big rock, in a universe of billions of rocks like ours. We’re tiny and unimportant.

So why am I writing this? I don’t know. I almost feel too unimportant to think anyone will listen. Eh, whatever. Guess I’m just a lonely, pathetic scientist.

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4 comments

avos 6/22/2009 - 1:07 am

im sure there is somebody out there who is always willing to listen to you, maybe an old friend who thinks about you every so often while doing random things. everybody is important to somebody, and you are no different. you just have a better perspective on the world than most people could ever hope to have.

brokeNinsidE 6/22/2009 - 3:14 am

I agree, religion is an ignorant, pathetic, hypocritical, and flat-out funny practice so in turn i also agree we are insignificant specks in the ultimate scheme of things. But to be honest, i really don’t see why people see that as a bad thing. No matter what we do with our lives, in the end, they’ll be meaningless to this universe. But to me all that means is we dont have to spend our lives worrying about if were doing enough to make a difference. We can make our lives what WE want them to be. We can spend our extremely limited time here fulfilling our own dreams, not wasting that time doing what we think the universe expects of us.

bigred1221 6/25/2009 - 10:30 pm

For me religion helps. Though I know it may be rediculous to thing God created this Earth and all the people on it, it helps me, even if I’m just pretending, to know there’s something bigger and more and important out there helps me fight through life. I respect everyone and their beliefs, I don’t spurn people. I believe in God, that’s it. It’s not my place to judge. Religion isn’t the problem, it’s the people that are, that can’t respect other people’s right to independent thinking. Knowing that I’m living for God helps me, and knowing that your and isignificant speck helps you. So rather than laught at one another let’s respect one another.

gloomy357 7/2/2009 - 9:39 am

I feel the same way. But I do know my twin sister cares about me, and I’m sure someone cares about you. Don’t ever forget that. Just last night I took a kitchen knife and slit my wrists. My sister found me and ripped the knife out of my hand, telling me that cutting just makes you hate yourself more. I hope somehow you’ll remember that saying, and I hope you feel better, even though I have not.

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