I am a shy eighteen year old girl, and have been a victim of bullying for the past nine years.
It first started when I was in the 5th grade and had moved to a new school. I was allocated a new friend to help me find my feet, but instead I had someone who would emotionally abuse me for the next three years. I told my mom in the 7th grade – she said she was mad at my “friend”, but she never did anything about it. All she could say was, “It’s a phase; it’ll pass.” I never told her about the other girl who had shoved my head down the toilet countless times, since it was a “phase”, right?
In the 8th grade, I moved to a new school. New beginnings, I said. I ended up being bullied there as well. This group of girls would pull up my skirt and play with my underwear in public. In the 9th grade, this new group of girls arrived. For some reason, they had it for me since the first day they saw me; they tormented me for the next four years. I told my friend; she called me a wimp. In the 11th grade, it grew worse and I started losing weight and became suicidal. I was sent to a psychiatrist, but only because they thought I had an eating disorder. When it was established that I didn’t, I ceased having sessions with her. I didn’t tell her about the suicide because I hate being a burden to other people.
In 12th grade, these other three girls nearly pushed me to the limit. I started cutting, but I didn’t attempt suicide, only because it was my final year in high school and I believed I would have a brand new start in college. I told my mother how unhappy I was (but not the suicidal part – I figured she’d figure it out herself, since she’s a psychologist). She said “It’s a phase; it’ll pass.”
This year I started attending college. I am being bullied again. There’s are two groups of guys who put me down constantly, another three groups of guys at our residence who never pass up a chance to make fun of me, my roomate and her friends insult me in their language (which they don’t know I understand) and two more groups of girls who just hate me.
My mom keeps saying “it’s a phase; it’ll pass”, but to me it doesn’t feel that way. All I ever did was be nice to people (even the ones who have been mean to me), help them when I can, keep quiet and mind my own business… but all I ever got in return was bitchiness, snide comments etc. With this much bullying experience, one could say I should have developed a tough skin by now. I should have, but everytime a new person starts bullying me, all the scars of the past just open up. In a way I can take it… but I just don’t want to anymore.
It’s not a phase, and it’s never going to pass.
11 comments
girl you needa step up to them bitches. whenever anyone says shit to you. turn around and say F off. they’ll be taken by surprise. or turn around and hit them. HARD. they’ll never annoy you again.. trust me.
Hello,
I went through the same thing you did with bullying and parents who just thought it was “just kids stuff.” They don’t realize how bad bullying is now with these kids and how badly it messes up your head. What is wrong with parents today? They want nothing to do with the actual raising of children. They just want them as sex trophies and nothing more. They think the teachers are the ones who should be doing the parenting. God help us all.
thats horrible. people are just bringing you down because they are jealous. dont let these people bring you down you are better then them and one day they’ll realize it. that they are low live idiot while your not. if you need to talk to me, ill talk to you. you shouldnt be treated like this. im so sorry.
Hello,
I can’ t say I know exactly what you are going through, because I don’t.
But I do know how it feels to feel that way, being bullied and stuff.
I used to be bullied but luckely it stopped, but only because I found a friend who helped me and encouraged me to stand up for myself.
If you need anyone to talk to and I know we don’t know eachother, but I’m there for you, because nobody should be treated that way.
Everyone is loved and important.
You are not alone, remember that!
I’ve experienced the same situation during 2th class to 9th and during high school i decided to keep quiet and just ignore everyone.
i can suggest you do the same until you find someone trustworthy or even worthy of your friendship.
I myself held a low profile during whole high school and sure.. it gets lonely and you’ll end up as the one no one speaks to but it’s better than getting that kind of treatment.
Something i noticed is that if you just ignore them and walk away acting like you don’t care or hear them they’ll eventually get bored of doing it and after that you can just keep yourself out of their space and later on create a space of your own.
It may sound like im telling you to act like a coward but it’s how i managed to escape it all.. i even had “friends” whom loved to bully me wich i broke bonds with totally.
I hope it works out well and what you havnt notice is that you’re actually quite strong since you’ve managed to get all the way to college even tho you have gone through a hell..
Infact i might say that i somehow envy you a little, i wish i never would let all that has happend get to me, now im sitting here unemployed with bad high school grades and feeling suicidal.
Best of luck during your college time.
//Neptuno.
Dear Friend:
I was in your situation — I was bullied from the third grade all the way through my first two years of college.
The good news is that it ends around the beginning of the junior year of college — people start to “grow up.” Plus they become concerned about how their behavior looks to others.
Many parents don’t “get” bullying — they either grew up in places where there was very little of it, or they genuinely don’t realize how damaging it is, and were brought up to tell their kids “it is a phase” or urge them to “toughen up” and other useless phrases.
Since you are on a college campus, you do have some options —
1. have you visited the student counseling service? you deserve supportive counseling — your tuition is paying for it — please don’t worry about bothering them, that is what they are there for — tell them you are very depressed — it is their job to help!
2. you need to talk with the staff at your residence hall, and ask that they step in to stop the bullying.
If they brush you off, threaten to go to the school’s administration. Residence hall advisors usually get tuition breaks, so they will not want you reporting them for failing to do their jobs.
They want to keep those jobs.
Also ask for a transfer to another student residence.
3. go into “Google” and search for “anti-bullying tactics” — other people have been through this — you may find message boards, support and advice from others in similar struggles — search for someone at your school in the same difficulties — you are not alone!
4. sometimes — and this may be necessary — when a group starts laughing at you, ‘accidentally’ (on purpose) spill an open Coke can all over their nice clothes — apologize (falsely) for being clumsy — once you’ve messed up their nice threads, they may start avoiding you —
you may have to do it several times — you can also carry a bottle of Coke with you everywhere in a bag and arrange to “accidentally” spill it on them whenever they bother you —
or yell at them loudly to stop bullying you — really loudly, in public. You may have to do this several times.
Bullies usually are cowards, and don’t like being publicly exposed. Nor do they like their clothes messed up.
5. contact your mother and say that you may need to transfer to another college.
Also tell her that you are tired of hearing that it is a “phase” and you need her to step up to the plate and be a supportive parent. Make it clear that you do not want to hear that phrase any more.
Ask her to help you find a verbal and physical self-defence class. There may be one in your college town.
Hang in there.
A final thought of hope — I’m nearly sixty now, and well-known in my field. I was curious as to what the bullies in my various schools had accomplished.
After all, many of them had been handsome and outgoing and popular and smart, right? Surely they should have been big successes, correct?
Guess what? I can’t even find most of them on the internet. They have not amounted to much in life. Ironically, I’m well-known — no one has ever heard of most of them.
Consider that you have the potential to be something special in your life, and these people will become — nothing. So take good care of yourself, and plan for an adult life where you will achieve and be happy.
Many blessings.
hey, listen I’m a lot younger then you but I’ve been through a lot. In 6th grade (I know its a young age) iwasnt just emotionally abused I was physically abused. I was actually punched inthe back of the head because this girl was jealous because she liked my boyfriend. 6th grade was actually the worst year of my life. I was a girl that was friends with all the fake people and was fame to them but after that, I grew up. I learned to separate the good people from the bad. I made really good great friends just by being myself. I don’t need to talk about myself though sorry. I’m 15 now and I’m sorry about what’s happening to you, but girl you need to put your head up and smile. Be better then them and don’t ever think about suicide or cutting. Suicide will hurt to many people, I cried just reading your story. If you need to talk try telling your mom what’s going on.
If you take time to read the comments, feel free to email me, rhsandrew@hotmail.com I’d be glad to help, in any way I can. I have been there, I know what pain is all about, I am an overcomer, Those who know me now would never guess I used to be an outcaste.
wow that sound so much like my story.
i have totally been there.
for me it started in about 5th grade too. i was in the smart kid class. i had been in it the year before to but then there had only been two 4th graders so the two of us were friends. in 5th grade though it was a full class of all 5th graders and my friend made new friends and left me behind but she also joined with those kids in making fun of me. i had no friends. this kept on through 6th grade and like you i htought it would change for 7th when i switched to a new school. 7th grade was hell again i had no friends . in 8th grade i switched schools again and once again i thought new beginning well instead the bully got worse and the next year i moved on to a new school same thing happened i was bullied even more. this year it was too hard for me and i became suicidle i came home from school one day all i could think about was killing myself. now i didnt mention this earlier but i had grown up in a christian home and accepted Christ to be my Lord and savoir in seventh grade but never had a true relationship with him. but he was stiill with me that day after school when i wanted to kill myself he was telling me that there was more to life that he had plans for me. so i didnt kill myself instead i learned to depend on God and eventually i just didnt care what people thought of me anymore only God mattered and those bullies since i didnt care what they thought or said they started to leave me alone.
im not saying that you should just not care what they do but they only way you will be able to handle this is if you rely on the one true and living God like i did.
i’ll keep you in my prayers
i understand a little of what you’re going through. i’m in high school and people tell me it’s gonna be the best four years of my life but the thing is i have no friends and i dress differently i live in a shelter and i’m very smart which other kids find extremely annoying i guess. you have to stand up for yourself or they won’t stop they’ll keep going until they drive you over the edge you need to talk to the dean at your school because it sounds like they are harassing you constantly. They have control over you at the moment and you have to take it back. They have control over how you feel is what i mean they can make you feel horrible if they want and you can’t let them have that control.You have to tell someone your being harassed or stand up for yourself. They want you to feel like your nothing but you always have to tell yourself you are somebody. Your better than them.
“Just a nine year phase.” What a shit parent. Dont depend on her