Hello,
Im a 23 year old male from the UK.
My life is pointless and I have never been happy.
I have sufferd from depression and other mental health issues for years. Ive been on so many different types of medication for my mental health problems. I am currently taking Venlafaxine.
I have a very poor education and I have no job.
I was very violent in my early teens, I was permanently excluded from school at the age of 13, then I was sent to a pupil referral unit along with other misbehaved kids.
I was addicted to amphetamine when I was 13 up untill I was 16, I also smoked cannabis heavily at that age. Then I stopped using them and started taking cocaine from the age of 18 up untill last year when I was 22. Now I just drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes.
All I live for now is f***ing beautiful 5 star hookers. I can’t really afford them but my parents lend me plenty of money, which I am very grateful for.
I have never been in a proper romantic relationship with a woman, I consider myself ugly and a bit of a weirdo.
I have always wanted to die, and Ive attempted commiting suicide on a couple of occasions but failed.
I am now considering looking for a suicide partner, if anyone else is also considering finding a suicide partner (preferably from the north of England, UK) please email me :Â – j-14@live.co.uk
11 comments
if you let me, ill tell you a story that has something to do with yours please comment or message me back
Hi apachegirl,
yes – you can tell me your story if you like.
i may not have had harsh experiences like yours but someone close to me did. In my eyes he was a great man whos outlet was dancing. Every kind from salsa to waltz to break dancing. Little did i know at the time ( i was only 5) that he came from an abusive father, druggie friends, and although he was happy on the outside, he always felt like he needed more and soon he was on meds, kind of like you. He then got addicted to all kinds of drugs some I dont even know the name of but I do remember cocaine, crack, weed, meth. Although he was very attractive and treated women right, women seemed to take advantage of him until he cracked and then took advantage of them and became selfish. He was put in the hospital with a failing heart and got an artificial heart transplant. He was sent home but it was too late. He died later on. He was only 30. Now he was smart and got accepted to dance academies and such but he couldnt go. Death is final. It hurts others even if you think no one cares. Well I’m messaging you because I care and think that there is more to you than what you post. I am not much younger than you and am in harsh circumstances too but dont give up just yet. You deserve that chance not to be alone and a “weirdo” (funny term i use it too). Love is tricky but not impossible. Sometimes it hurts but in the end the pain is only a passing memory. Don’t end your life before it even begins. As for all your medicines, dont give in to them but take up the challenge and want to live on your own two feet. There is nothing wrong with you. -The Apache Girl
I just want to share a story with you too. Pleease reconsider your descisions. dont do anything hasty! whether you feel like it or not there are people out there who love you! everyones life has meaning and i dont want you to think differently. I had a friend who’s brother died of an accidental drug over dose. she was crushed and two months later her mother died of a heart attack. but she coped with it and is the strongest person i know. i dont know many people who could live after that but she did because she realized that she has a choice to live. they didnt. so please take that choice to live! you are worth it and i really hope you know that. there are people to talk to. there was also another girl who wasnt very popular and when her boyfriend dumped her, she felt it was the end of the world! so she ended her life. little did she know how many people would miss her. there were sooo many people at her funeral in tears and she wasnt even aware. So i promise you there are people who care!
Thanks for your stories guys.
Im not sure what I am going to do to be honest. But I do think I would be better off dead. The only thing that keeps me going is my mother, she cares about me a lot. The day she dies (god forbid), I will kill myself for sure.
I don’t take drugs anymore, I just smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol occasionally. My only addiction at the moment is the prostitutes. I know they only care about my money, but they are the only bit of female company I can get. Im just too weird and ugly for a woman to ever be attracted to me. I could only ever dream about being in a relationship with a woman as beautiful as them. Some of them even have nice personalities.
I wish my life would change but I really cannot see it happening. Depression is a life long illness, and I seriously cant bare it anymore. I just keep on trying and failing, trying and failing. I cant get a job (for several reasons), and most of it is my fault because of the way I acted when I was teenager.
Im still going to consider finding a suicide partner, I think it might be the right thing to do.
I am sorry your life turned out this way dude. You CAN make it better though. Look for a job, go back to school, and leave the hookers alone. You can get soo many diseases that way. Even though I don’t know you I want you to be careful and to have a better life. I dont want to read the newspaper tomorrow and see that a 23 year old male from the U.K commited suicide. It would kill me..please, if you DO want help, talk to me and I can help you=) I wish you the best=)
You can find a girl. I guess me and you have that in common. I have always been called fat all through elementary and some of middle school. I started to believe it. I always think I am not pretty enough for the guys and I also think I’m down right ugly. I had this one boyfriend to just wanted to use me and I let him do it. In the end it made me feel like a dirty slut. I wish I could rewind time and slap the shit out of him before I had done any of the dirty stuff he wanted me to do. I have never had many boyfriends and I have never fell in love. the only thing I have ever wanted was for a guy to actually care about me, tell me I’m beautiful, and to love me for me. I feel like I will never have that and it has torn me apart. I want to just end my life because I feel as if I’m not needed and that people don’t even care about me. I know some of the things you are going through. If you want to talk, I’m here.
Dying when you have the choice is not the best option. You are only 23 that is so young! Well, i’m younger than you by only a few years and feel like life hasnt started yet. Look at Gates, Franklin, Edison, Einstein, Disney: they all dropped out of school but made something of themselves. Depression isn’t an illness it is just classified as such because doctors want more cash. I say this because I went through depression but pulled out of it. You can do the same. Find a slow job first then work up! McDonalds if you want! Anything but just change yourself like get a new haircut or buy new clothes and skip the prostitutes for a week-it’ll help you feel more confident. Women probably notice that about you (i would) and stay away because they think you are uninterested. As for finding a steady girl, you need to get yourself on solid ground first. Not all women go for looks or typical personalities. I knew one guy who dropped out of MS, did drugs, was dirty, and worked on cars (no job) and found a girl simply bc he smiled. You can do it. We all believe in you here.
Death Angel , I have read your poetry/post and they are beautiful,
there aren’t many people that can express themselves that way. Sometimes those people that others ignore and use are the ones who are capable of loving in the most extraordinary way. I know how you feel. I
hey
i have to use this again…..
theres hope….like hope comes in many packages like gum at the check out in stores….get the bige pack of hope……
i know….im just 12, but go read my posts….and the email bout me….
you’ll see…..i get in too much trouble…my mom hates me….
Who:
Twenty-Seven year old female who currently resides on the East Coast of the USA.
What:
Looking for A CTP Partner or suicide partner as it is most commonly known
Where:
I would prefer if you didn’t live in my area that you travel to me. If you prefer me to come to you it will be considered but I have limited means to travel so unless you could help get me to you it may or may not be a option. I am willing to be a CTP partner with someone, so lets work out the logistics.
When:
I am ready when you are. I am ready right now just haven’t found a partner yet. I am willing to at the drop of a hat do this. No hesitation. We will have to figure out the logistics and the method we will use but that is minor stuff. The most important thing is am willing and ready.
Why:
Everyone has their reasons when it comes to how and why they found themselves at this point. I am not going to tell you my life story, or even give you a break down, summarize the reasons “why†I want to kill commit suicide. The reasons are irrelevant and unimportant a at this point.
If interested you may contact me at: bohemian.luna@gmail.com