hey i’m (mylo) and i have been diagnosed with clinical depression and ocd, and suffer greatly from them daily. its a constant bother and can become horrible especially when one disorder feeds the other.
the disorders interfere with my life to the point that i’ve used numerous legal, prescription, and illegal drugs to feel relief from them and am medicated with effexor 75mg and risperidone .5mg daily. i’ve also had a history of suicide attempts ranging from overdose to wrist-cutting. i feel like i can’t really live a normal life. i have very few friends and constantly get in trouble with my family because of the drugs.
lately it’s been getting worse, you see my ocd picks on the things i love in life, for example: i sometimes have horrible, repetitive, thoughts/images that i can’t control about horrible things happening to my loved ones. about 6 months ago i met my now girlfriend who is 18 years old (i’m 15…) and we basically fell in love and all, and i remember the first day we met when we were texting she asked me if i was a virgin. i honestly answered that i was. this made my ocd kick in and i had the repetitive thought of “is she? why else would she ask that?” and it lasted for 3 days until i asked her. she said that she was NOT, and that she regretted losing it… ever since i heard that my life spiraled downhill.
you see, to anyone else, it wouldn’t be that much of a big deal, and they would get over it within a couple of weeks, but i didn’t. learning that fact set the gears in my head in motion. i still can’t to this moment accept the fact that she’s had sex with another guy. i have repetitive thoughts about it in my head which in turn feed my depression and vice versa. a vicious, sadistic cycle.
it’s been ~6 months since all of this happened and at times i randomly break down and cry in the middle of the day (it’s even happened in school…). my mother worries for me and i try my best to stay strong and hold on for my parents and girlfriend’s sake.
i’ve withstood all the pain for about half a year but sometimes it’s just so hard. i’m going to my new psychiatrist soon for a medication change to something that can break the cycle in my head (probably seroquel, they hand that out like candy) and help me live a normal life again…
i guess i’ll do what my shrink says, stay strong and not give up hope. well anyway i could keep going but it’s getting late and the story will just get longer. so thanks for reading and thanks for giving me a chance to let out all of these suppressed feelings:)