I feel so alone…again.
Maybe this so-called Real world is just not for me, or ‘weird’ people like me…
Here’s why:
– I can’t relate to 80% of people (society) around me everyday, in that they’re actually enthusiastically talk only about money, how to get more money, and how to spend more in luxurious things.
– Music has always been my utmost passion & dreams that I intend to pursue it (so much that I in fact just decided to quit on my 7-years dull furniture-factory family-business job, a decision which shocks everyone in my big Asian Chinese family), but lately after hearing my friends’ talks, and knowing the INSIDE of so-called “Music Industry” and HOW it works,…now I’m starting to even loathe it, despise it, and sadly, feels like I’m just not ‘cut it’ with all the competitions, jostling others down, marketing tricks, “[I]being smart[/I]”, and race-to-the-top.
– I am now stuck in a business-and-profit-oriented-society, while I’m caring more about preserving natural environment, helping other poor people SO many in my country,
– YET, I feel that even when I help like 10, or 100 poor people,…then what’s the point?? these poor people will continue to EXIST one way or another! from their births, hindrances from the corrupt Power-That-Be… I don’t think my efforts will matter or count BIG times
– therefore, at age 28 now, and still feeling CONFUSED as what to do (and no job at the moment), I feel like a loser/failure, depressed, and at times even suicidal.
– plus that I’m a very-imaginative, creative kind of person…and I often find this so-called Real world dull and boring (compared to my dream-world & damn vivid fantasies & imaginations)..but also maybe largely due to I haven’t found somewhere I belong (like Linkin Park’s infamous song),
– but I simply don’t know HOW or WHERE to find somewhere I belong.. mostly perhaps also due to I’m afraid of what my father will say, or scorn me,…which is pathetic,..but I am not that ‘rebellious’ unfortunately, and I hate it, it makes me become so indecisive in front of him.
– while I just want to break away from everything. sometimes (or often) I’m just tired living this life. and also, feeling alone, and NOBODY (friends, family, etc) really understand me well,…other than the online depression and suicidal people/forum, ironically.
How many feel like I do?
6 comments
i can ralte to you man i have such a creative and vivid mind, i really dont care about money just the simple things doesnt work though in this mad world
I know what you should do, as, even I as a stranger, want to help you.
So I am going to give you my email.
My emails are:
Google: wlawsomenator2@gmail.com
Yahoo: wlawsomenator2@yahoo.com
niki…i relate to most of what you are saying right now. What i have realize is that people are different. if you feel like you are not like most people it is not a good reason to contemplate suicide. If you are into stuffs most people are not into it means you are special. People like you should be more valued. Like you said yourself everybody is running after money and luxuries. Who wants to be like everybody.
Honestly you seem like a deep person to me. Do not waste it. I truly believe you are speacial. What you need to do is find people who share your interests, your passion.
The only reason why you believe that you can only relate to depressed people is because you are sad at the moment. But once you will meet people who are as deep and special as you. You will realize that you have always loved yourself and your life it is just that you were not around the right people …
What do you like? what is your passion? seems like u like the idea of helping the poor…why don’t you start off by volunteering somewhere? Why dont u create a blog where you talk about how you help poor kids…eventually u will meet people with the same interests you have…
I am positive things will get better for you.
Keep me in touch!!!
🙂
Hi to those posting on this site I hope this comment goes some way into reassuring you that you are perfectly ok and well within your processes to feel the way you do. With the “feeling of not belonging” age is irrelevant….. And in the main this feeling was probably with you since you were born, not really understanding what was going on around you, and desperately trying to make sense of it all and fit it! The all too common symptoms of depression are quoted to make us feel inadequate and that there is something wrong with us! Yet here’s the twist, it is us who feel like we don’t belong who are more aware of our true nature than the “sheeple” who are still choosing to sleep. We are the normal ones! And in truth we don’t belong as we are wanting to express ourselves through unconditional love and truth yet the “money” game is asking us to go against ourselves and to condition us to be controlled by the few minority who hold all the wealth. Just look around you every where absolutely everywhere is manipulated and controlled by £ so even when we want to express ourselves creatively we have to be mindful to stay clear of that energy.
From the moment I was born I knew I was shutting my true self down and this gradually happens through the family upbringing, education system, expectations of society, we go the school, get a good education, get a career, marry, have children etc etc and if we fall short we are judged -yet my ? Is how can a “free spirit” who we are be stifled in that manner and of course we are going to feel trapped the way we do! Over the last few years as my awareness that what is occurring around the world is becoming more transparent, finding that friends, family, the way of life -as it is expected of you is not working I have slowly had the courage to let go of them – my aim is to find the joy within myself. My guidance is please express your feelings get them out of your system, journalling is a good way of doing this. Please feel the way you are feeling, it is ok, avoid any kind of medication at all costs as it merely numbs your processes. I have achieved a lot in my life had a good career, am educated, have travelled the world and trust me I feel the way you do- the world we live in is a senseless place suffice to say if all the countries of the world made a decision we could eradicate homelessness, poverty and starvation over night! Yet they have a different agenda of war and destruction. Please remain strong and know that you are serving a very important purpose of being beacons of light, truth and love – i try everyday to find the simple pleasures in life, once that is I have wrenched my self out of my bed because sleeping is bliss to me! I physically cannot go out to work anymore as I am tired of putting on masks and doing something purely for £ and being manipulated. Yes there are people like minded around you remember also that those around you who seem to be getting on with there lives, secretly are feeling like you too yet they haven’t admitted it to themselves yet. Responding to this forum took a lot of courage for me so please know that we have to have been put here for a reason. Inside everyone of us also is a real deep feeling of peace and love find it by simply closing your eyes and whenever you feel low stay with that feeling and allow it to expand out of you. Keep going and smiling inside, we are all in this together!
The Pain of being left out. I’m also suffering the same way as you do. The only thing keeping me alive is an illusion strengthened by my own mind. And if maybe I were to die, maybe I’d find a better place for me to live. I’m a very bad person. if people were to judge me, I don’t believe in god, I’m a rebel son, I’m good at all of these Subjects in my class but I don’t really care much about grades so much that I fail in those subjects, I turn down people who tries to befriend me. But I help people in need without hesitation, I give money, even food to those people in the streets, I don’t want to hurt anybody that’s why I distance myself from them, even my parents. That’s why maybe and if maybe I were to become bad to people’s eyes then maybe no one will cry if I died. no one will get hurt. no one will remember me. and I’ll just fade away like nobody. Its like I’m going to sink in an eternal darkness alone. And I feel like its going to be a cold journey.
Dud really, i am also serching where from i belong to cause,
i had confirm that i am Child of my mom and dad but still dont getting why i am not like them they both are lusty for money and career they trick each other many times for money bt still they both stay together…??
I had two sisterone of them is in age of marriage bt jst because of money prob she can’t get married i had jst completed my graduation my money earning is not enough for family what the hack should i do !!
I know this is non of u r concern bt really this weakling mentaly tourcher me.
My mom my dad and even now my own sis are not understanding what ever i earn i spent on them without keeping any rupees….
They still think that i am jst like old family mens who just lusty for money…. I am best in my work i am man of word if i promise somthing i use all my strength to active it bt in my life i dont think i will won my family members trust of belief whatever i try sone times i think my intelligence and my cool charm is all wast cause even whole world parse me for my work bt my family never parse or understand who i am for them.
I just like to leave this world when my both sis get marred cause when they get married i can die peacefully cause i dont want parse from my family members any more now i will do my duties as brother and die in please when time comes cause this world is not for me.