if you have no one relying on you, then what’s so bad about killing yourself? I have family and friends, sure, but none of them needs me to live. I see friends every other week, try to see family less than that; I know I’m not necessary. I’m not necessary to any one other persons existence. People would be sad but so? Life is saddening.
No kids, no spouse or prospects of any kind, no pets, no car or mortgage and no hope.
If I continue living, I’ll just be seeking out ways to stay happy, like everybody else does. But nothing makes me happy, nada. Other than drugs of course, I’ve never fully been able to enjoy the human experience.
Why am I still here? Why haven’t I done this yet? I know why, but, why?! I don’t enjoy myself, I’m usually in pain/anxiety; times of happiness are few and far between. I’m depressed because I’m a miserable person so, why not kill myself? Misery is all I’ve ever really known. Those around me have always, in a joking way, labeled me miserable because of my demeanor(age 3 till now).
I am miserable, I do feel the misery. The smoking pushes the feelings aside for awhile, but they live within me. I don’t want anything because I don’t believe that I can have anything. God damn all of this.
ANSWER: Things aren’t actually bad. Things suck but they don’t actively suck. I’m not in any situation that I can’t get out of. Everyone around me wants to help. I haven’t translated my suicidal thoughts into action because my life doesn’t suck; I suck. If I can just stop sucking then I’ll be able to take advantage of everything around me.
I’m a young, fit, single and handsome male living in the big city, a major city. I have a full time job and a network of supporters(family+friends). My life isn’t bad, it’s me. That’s why I have such a hard time letting go. I’ve made quite the life for myself and I guess I do have some hope in myself, that I can change or my perspective will eventually change to appreciate the things around me. It’s just so tiring feeling legitimately crazy all the time.
4 comments
I need you. This world needs you. Thousands of people need to know that it is possible to get through depression and that they are not alone in the fight. Even though you are one person, you are one more survival story, that story that touches that one person, that story that changes someone’s mind about suicide, that story that saves a life. Your family needs you and your friends need you too. They need you for help, for someone to talk to. If they lose you, they will be upset and wonder what they missed. They need you more than anything. So many people need you.
Having chosen to be a recluse I know I am not necessary nor have i ever been.
Seems like you are on the road to improving your life tphg and the best of luck with that.
From the way you describe yourself you should be living pretty well when you get the self kinks out.
Rationalization has nothing to do with your transition. It’s your choice. If you’re doubting something that’s an indication of something. Otherwise it comes down to making a decision…that’s it. Your life’s worth is up to you. Cheers!
I am in the same boat as you, no one needs me. Well they do in small degrees but not in a life changing way. Those things that society values: money career success etc etc the truth is nothing has value unless it has value to you. So they won’t make you happy if they are not truly what you want, regardless of how ‘successful ‘ you are in these respects. You can only be happy with yourself if you dedicate your life and yourself to the pursuit of something meaningful to you personally.