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I fucking live off coffee and cigarettes, to be honest i just don’t give a shit , thats deff another lie, affirmed by my predisposition to cry. I claim to be emotionless when really I’m overrun by it. You all see a smile, but not whats inside, its just a mask i use to hide. I’m giving you what you want, now its up to you to conceive, in reality it has nothing to do with me. Over the years I’ve grown to see , that you don’t want to know the real me. So i give you all a great facade, even though thats not my job. I shouldn’t have to protect you, thats just what i tell myself, so ill protect me. Your reactions haven’t necessarily been exemplary, but to my facade they’ve been praiseworthy. So now we land in the present, excluding the verb definition of it, because from what i see, this is not a gift, merely more weight for me to lift. And i know I’m not the only one, and I’m certainly  no victim son, i actually don’t have the patients for them, there luxury problems, there new scratched benz. You can leave your empty bags my friend, don’t worry your bell boy will carry them. And when did i ask you for you’re point of view? you people out here run your mouths, as if you have nothing to lose. You see were I’m from thats just the intro, now you’ve made a mistake, you better clench those fists reach for that pistol, or you best skate,  whatever you choose to do,  the time has come to escalate. Theres another level to this game that you play, the parental controls are what kept you safe. It can be scary there its not a safe place, i can give you examples, there overt, in your face, undeniable evil !! How many women do you know that have been raped? one, two , three ? Wait i was still talking about the first woman and what she had to face, did nothing wrong just in the wrong place. These animals removed her innocence from its space. She cried out loud for you god while the next man took  his place. Where the fuck were you while her soal was displaced ? Graphic images of what i could do to them so there payment is made. They even rape men, what never heard of jail gay, no one is safe! The numbers were higher than the ones i just placed. my intro to hatred came at a rapid pace, that anger makes you capable of things you cant erase. The darkness gets thicker the faster you pace ! So blind that conscience it will only get in your way.  Have you ever seen someones head post opinion escape? Shouldn’t open your mouth when you don’t know who your talking about, that smile you see can  change easily. We live in a zoo and someone unlocked the cages, thats why I’m gonna stop writing soon, theres just not enough pages. The examples i can give from the war that hate wages, I kept the track marks as proof, sadly there endless and nothing can change it. The violence is normal its just day to day shit, eventually you  get used to it, and now I’m just jaded. so ill end with a quote by frank warren that i was amazed with  “it’s the children almost broken bye this world, that become the adults most likely to change it” !!! I agree with this man, every word of his statement !!! as long as  you have hope you can push threw this pain kid !
Http://www.jlb462606.blogspot.com ……….Topography of life
5 comments
I’m sorry hun..I can’t make out your name because of the title…sorry…but I am Amakua and I can relate…so sorry…how many times…the first time at 3…the next time at 8…the next time at 15…continuously for many years…and the last time at 40. I would even hate to attempt to count them…but the truth is that I figured out what your friend Mr. Warren said…love it….a long time ago…and I am working towards a better way…how about you?…are you ready to move forward…or are you stuck in fear and anger and rage and bitterness…I’ve been there…recently…lol…and the kind souls on this site brought me back to reality in a big way…i love this site.
Are you new here? I don’t remember seeing you before…no matter…you are very much welcome…i am here to listen, talk, share or play…let me know if you would like to talk….
Amakua
hey hun !!! thank you so much for the reply !! your my first connnection on here. I have to start with saying i could never be belittle the atrocity of beiing molested or raped buy saying i understand because i never have. I dont know if youve read my blog, but ive definetly been threw some struggles. that poem is acually about an x girlfriend that is my best friend in the world today. She is a stong woman like you and has overcome these acts and councels woman that have been addicts and also raped and so on. She took the atrocious and made it into something beautiful, and words cant express how much i look up to her for that, this sounds pathetic but after that perticular incident she eventually was the one holding me while i cryed about it, telling me she was right there and she was ok. We went threw quite a bit together and gave me permission to say what ever i need to let go of my emotions and supports me 100 %. So needless to say, i have the upmost respect for woman and men that have trancended that perticular evil, i know how much it hurt me , and like i said i cant emagine all i know is she is the most wonderfull woman in my life and shes my X lol!! life is funnny like that….
oh and my name is jason ….
Hey jlb,
Me I’m great…right now…lol…but even I don’t hate anymore…no one…I feel sorry for my abusers…does that make me finally insane…and if so…why have I never felt so at peace. I am 50 years old after all and attempted 7 times before I was 40. Wanna guess why I’m here? These are not new issues love…we just hear more about them now…but the same media that terrifies us…also allows us to find others to help in our healing….life is all about dichotomies. No one or no thing is all good or bad…and there is a purpose for everything. If we are going to change our world…it has to be one soul at a time…so who’s side are you on?…lol
Me I live a lifestyle of voluntary simplicity and currently forced poverty…lol…but I’m still good. Occasionally I rant about the 1%…but usually end it with putting the responsibility where it belongs…on the 99%. sorry
But how many of us think of something as innocent as using an ATM machine can change the world….when debit cards and ATM’s came in….our local bank laid off half of it’s tellers…and it didn’t just happen here….but think of the money the banks are saving….I remember a time when you got interest on all your money not just investments…lol…so again they save money…are they sharing the savings…nope…so why do we use the conveniences that are putting money in the pocket of big brother and doing our brothers and sisters out of jobs…but they told us to….me I don’t use ATM’s …or pump my own gas….we are a fairly large city here and we only have one service centre that will still pump your gas for you….you used to get real service…and this locally owned gas station…isfull serve…and makes a large profit…and charges the same prices as the self-serve stations….but employs several people per shift…the self-serves…convenient perhaps…but one employee at a time serving many more customers at the same time…think of the savingg for that company…so why aren’t their prices cheaper….lol…wanna guess where Ibuy my gas?….what happened to box boys and loading your groceries for you?…now we even have to pay for the bags…we used to get a free bag with every purchase and even a choice between paper or plastic…lol…where did the jobs go…we gave them away for the sake of convenience and to make more money for the 1%. So who is really to blame….
Is there room to start to change the world…you betcha…but it would be an inconvenient world for sure….and it starts with one person at a time…again…whose side are you on?…negativity just feeds the problem…positivity is the only way to fix it….why are so many children being damaged…because their mothers aren’t allowed to stay home and protect them anymore…not since World War II…I am all for personhood….don’t get me wrong…women deserve equal rights…but they didn’t deserve the bill of goods the women’s lib movement sold them….crap….a ranter for sure….but why ***** and be jaded…I’m not…and I’m a victim…learn to love…it is really the only way…start with yourself, then your world…and then big changes will start to happen…we already have enough negativity…we need more positivity.
Okay rant over…lol…but would you do me the honour of listening to something?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbwXwR3ETm0
If you haven’t run screaming…lol…the song was recorded in 1971…let me know what you think?
Namaste
Amakua
you will need to moderate my comment….go to the comments page…hover over the bottom of the comment and options will appear….click approve…thanks
Amakua