In short, my brother killed himself april of 2011. He was my only brother and he will always be my closest and best friend, a hero of sorts for a little brother if you understand the relationships between siblings. anyway, he was 29 married no children and i was 21. few months after he passed away i was going to shoot myself in the heart with a 12-guage slug to ensure death and hopefully immidietly death would follow. to this day i don’t know what changed my mind, not fear of death but i guess fear for my family’s wellbeing.. but anyway.. i think about him everyday. shortly after his death i became deeply addicted to opioids then overcame that addiction 8 months later only to be followed by sever alcoholism. I am not ok. I am not a stupid individual and neither was my brother, in fact he was technically a genious that never flaunted his intelligence. but he made a stupid mistake by leaving us, because he abandoned me in this fucked up world. I would have literally burried a body for him, anything, and i mean it. and the worst part of it all is i don’t think that the pain ever goes away… i think people find ways to cope but that wound is still deep in their souls. I have seriously considered suicide over the past year. I just want you to know, if you are seriously considering suicide and your family isn’t already fucked up, get help because all you will do is hurt everyone around you. for me it’s slightly different, everything is already as it is, fucked up. so anway please try and recognize the problems before they eat your soul away. and like my brother, when i make a decision it’s been made. so please avoid these situations with your families because it only brings pain and more pain. bye, and goodluck in life, may god bless you
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What if your family is already fucked up? What if you believe your fucked up family made you fuckep up, too? I think of my mother. It will kill her, either literally or spiritually. Regardless of who’s right, she has the entire family against her, except for my bipolar-coke and alcohol-addict-relapsing brother. Who she basically serves as a nanny to. And she has my nephew, who’s just an innocent child. She’s extremely proud of me and I’m sure has high hopes for my life. Point is I’m about to exit. I have strong reasons, stronger than my concern for her. She’s the only reason I wouldn’t do it.
My family is screwed too… My aunt tried to kill herself multiple times. My best friend did a few months ago. I’m just as sick of things as you are. I get it.
my family isn’t fucked up, or at least it wasn’t. probably most normal average mundane family ever. just saying suicide fucks shit up for everyone left behind, enough for them to do the same thing because pain like this doens’t leave, and i have no way to feel better no matter what amount of drugs or alcohol i do it’s a part of me now until i die
I can understand that. I wish I had had a brother like yours. I realize my brother is a sick person, and he didn’t choose to be that way, but I wish he had died long ago. He screwed up MY life big time. Making me sick in a way, too. People in my family have either been absent or actively shitting on my life, except for my mom, who’s done the best job she could.
I realize suicide can be contageous when the pain is as great as yours. But I think the positive spin would be to really think of your brother as a hero, like you said. As an inspiration. Don’t try to just forget about him – I don’t think you would – but live your life for both of you. Wear a neckless with his photo, fuck it, be one of those people if needed.
You’re in the perfect position to become a suicide prevention advocate. You can start a support group or a site like this. It’d be a rewarding feeling. That way you can turn your suffering into something good. Give it a try. Don’t just keep your negative thoughts on loop. I know it hasn’t even been a year, but maybe you can start considering something like that.
thanks for your comments, not all hope is lost for everyone. but for those trying to make a difference in ppl’s lives that need help keep doing it, because if even one life is saved it is a miracle. may god bless you all and have happy lives. goodbye