But I don’t think there’s a good way for me to go on living. I feel horrible all of the time. I’ve seen enough doctors, therapists, and social workers to populate a small country. I don’t see any future for me. I don’t even have any dreams to hang on to. I don’t have any friends either. I’ve spent two weeks in the hospital. It made things worse.
It is sad when happy people die; if only we could trade places so that they could go on living.
I’m young. I hate it when older people complain that my generation feels entitled to more than we deserve. Nobody should live like I do.
It’s even worse when older people try to give advice about things they don’t quite understand. Economically, socially, technologically, and culturally, the world I live in is eons beyond the world where my grandparents and even parents grew up.
I have realized that hard work is a waste of energy. I worked hard, but then life got in the way and things turned out terribly.
I used to try to have a positive attitude. I gave up that charade when reality intervened.
Sorry about the lack of organization. I’ve been having a hard time thinking clearly since the doc increased the dosage of one of my meds.
I really don’t want to die, though. At least I don’t think I do.
6 comments
hey,it’s good to meet you. we’re all friends here,so if you want,you’ll have quite a few friends in all of us. what you said about people who want to live dying and then us,who sometimes feel like we want to die living…about taking their places..that really hit home with me. my mom had a brain tumor when she was pregnant with me and kept me even though the pregnancy hormones sped up the growth of her tumor. it’s most likely she would have died anyway,and she did when i was 14 months old. but i’ll never really know for sure,you know? from what i hear she was so beautiful in every way,and i feel guilty sometimes being the one survived knowing she might have died just so i could live. it doesn’t seem fair at all,because i would give her her life back for mine if i could. but heres the thing-it didn’t work out that way. i believe my mom is in heaven now,and i believe there is a reason we’re all here. maybe it’s to help each other through. i know what you mean about older people not always getting it(idk how old you are,i’m 19 so i might be old to you too.:Plol) but theres some really great people on here from pretty much all age groups,and they are pretty great. your in a safe environment to talk okay?
Hey, I actually am 19. Maybe just another angst-ridden adolescent, yeah? I know it’s a cliche to complain about how older generations misunderstand us, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. Times change and people change with them.
Anyway, that’s a pretty frightening story about your mom, but I think your attitude towards it is really healthy. Quite the sacrifice. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 12, but she managed to survive, so I don’t suppose I know what it’s like to lose someone so close.
lol.:) adolescence is tough,i think everyone should cut us some major slack.:) at least we’re almost out. i agree with you,i don’t think it’s cliche. there really is a gap,it’s a different way of thinking,because the world is different. thanks.:) my mom was pretty amazing,i feel really blessed to be her daughter.:) your mom sounds pretty amazing too. i’m really happy for you that she survived! i never really knew my mom though. it’s a different kind of loss because it isn’t sharp like when you go through the shock of losing a loved one. she was never in my life,or,at least,i don’t remember her. so it kind of dawned on me slowly,i got to grieve slowly. it took me awhile to realize she was missing,because she had always been. does that make sense?
but idk..maybe we are young. maybe we don’t know. what do you think? i know things are really hard but.. maybe things really do get better. should we give them some credit for being so old? lol. it’s confusing to think about. hopefully i’ll understand someday
You may not believe it, but even happy or healthy people on some level have chosen to cross over and move on into spirit. Anything that happens in life whether or not we are consciously aware of it or not is orchestrated and overseen by the first cause, or prime mover in the Universe….aka God. The key is to see the positive in everything. Death is relief and release from a physical body and the confines of this three dimensional reality.
From the other side it’s viewed as a party. Why not choose to be happy that people have moved on and are existing in bliss?
i would trade my life with someone that is dead. thank yu for understanding me